I am planning to be getting marryed in june.I have a son and my boyfriend has a daughter.He is good to my son. I work late so he picks him up from the sitters he feeds him, bathes him,teaches him right from wrong. My problem is this: My sons dad is not in the picture so I want my boyfriend to take on that role but when ever his daughter asks him to play with her, help her color,or whatever,even when she doesnt ask he follows her around like a puppy. On the other hand when my son asks for his time he usually says "later" and then never gets around to doing it. I have told him my concerns and its like he doesnt even hear me. He thinks that I dont want him spending any time with his daughter which is not what I say.I say that I want him to treat both children equally, like I do.I dont want my son growing up and feeling like hes 2nd to the other child.Am I approaching the situation wrong with him or what?
2007-01-05 04:41:52 · 10 answers · asked by Melissa C 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
God bless.
2007-01-08 16:43:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing in your life is your son. If you dont feel he is happey with the situation then you cant live in that situation. Your son is always going to be your son and if you want to have a happy and secure relationship with him then you have to demand his rights.
You could try talking once more to your boyfriend and introduce a play time scedule, where each of you spend time alone with the other child.
Talk to him about his relationship with his own father, if it was good then he should know how important it is for your son and if it was bad then here is his chance to make a difference.
I was a single mom myself and before I got together with my daughters stepdad (not married) I made sure his relationship with her was good. We were together for 7 years and now 4 years later he is still her stepdad, and lives next door - close to his daughter. And that is what matters. If he is going to be a part of his life then it has to be all the way or nothing.
So dont marry until you get this cleared - or get married and start saving for the divorce.
Whichever way you go - I wish all the best and hope you end up with the family situation your heart is looking for. It can happen you just have to make it happen. You are women you are strong dont forget that, it stands and falls with you.
Good Luck
2007-01-05 06:00:24 · answer #2 · answered by eidunotno 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had some of the same concerns when I married my husband. I was the one with the son and I worried how he would treat my son in comparison to the children we would later have together. Needless to say everything worked out fine in the end. Try looking at it from his daughter's eyes. She probably needs to be affirmed that you and your son have not taken the place of her in his heart. I'm sure he doesn't mean to kind of "ignore" your son, but it will take time for both of you to find the correct balance between the two. Pray on it and allow time and space to see and recognize what he does for both children when your not trying to direct his interactions. You wouldn't have wanted him to take over the role of being the father to your son if you didn't feel he was a worthy candidate.
2007-01-05 04:56:14 · answer #3 · answered by YOYO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are not saying it right. Maybe he just isn't hearing you. But you are right. He has to learn to build a relationship with your son. Of course he's not as close to him b/c it's not his real father. My husband met me with one son, and now we have two more together. It took years before my current husband and my firstborn son built a relationship. It was hard. You just have to take your time with both of them. Set aside a day out of the week where your fiance takes just your son out for the day so they can bond. Another day he can take just his daughter, and of course, lots of days with all 4 of you guys together. My husband and I have been together for 4 years, and my son and my husband are barely getting to a point where they feel comfortable with each other and are getting close. I mean, does he tell your son "later" EVERY time? And does he actually follow through with what he tells your son? Does he have a sincere heart? Is he a good father? How does your son act towards him? Those are all things you ask your son about, ask your fiance and you also should pay attention to those things. Just keep working on him and he will come around. My husband is getting much better - sometimes he gets a little unfair with my son, but overall I can see how much my husband has improved and it will continue to get better. Just keep on your fiance, not be argumentative about it, but when you guys are alone, let him know that this is very important to you and you can't let it go. If he loves you and your son he will work on it.
2007-01-05 05:49:12 · answer #4 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get this cleared up before any wedding takes place. Your son will notice as he gets older. This isn't right even if both kids were his biologically. It has been said that boys are more drawn to their moms and daughters to their fathers BUT in this case the adult is more drawn to the girl child. Maybe you should speak to a member of your church or a therapist along with him so that he can see that what he is doing is wrong.
2007-01-05 04:47:37 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have these concerns and you have addressed them to him and he doesn't even care, then I say no don't marry him until this is resolved.You notice the difference and if your son hasn't already, he will. Your boyfriend has to be in 100% with the both of you. If you feel like something is off then it probably is and if he shows no interest in your feelings about this then it will be the same for other things.
2007-01-05 05:51:20 · answer #6 · answered by Ndpndnt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had 2 children and my husband had 3. This is an important issue that could break the marriage. Don't marry him until you are satisfied that the issue is resolved. You are the mother of a child who needs you to look out for him. We just celebrated 16 years together!
2007-01-05 04:51:42 · answer #7 · answered by gigglings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been a step child, a step sibling and a step parent. It's so hard. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but it's best to be alone with your children. My mother put my stepfather's desire, demands, wishes and needs before mine. This was done to keep peace and the fact that he worked and had control of the money. She said she felt she sacrificed me for my step brothers and sister. She was right. She did. I was the one who had to care for my mother when she was elderly. I always resented that considering what she did to me. This situation is way to complicated. Focus on your children and your future with them.
2007-01-05 04:52:51 · answer #8 · answered by JoAnn W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom got remarryed. 10 years ago. My dad is not in the pic verry much at all. So my step dad had really become my step dad. I dont have any step siss or bros but it takes time for him to come around but it will be great.. I love my step dad alot so good luck.. It sounds like he is already doing a great job
best of luck
2007-01-05 04:48:36 · answer #9 · answered by Heather O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you see red signs now don't get married...I made that mistake but in my case I had one son and he had 4.
2007-01-05 05:31:21 · answer #10 · answered by wyattj23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋