i am a strict Dad, does that make a mean dad? another thing is my wife favors our son more than our daughters. how do u break this this? i treat all my kids no differently. i think this should be also with my wife. sometimes we argue about this. whats the best way to resovlve this? thanks.........
2007-01-05 04:39:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your wife has no business favoring one child over the other. That is very bad. Maybe she should get help.
2007-01-05 04:41:18 · answer #1 · answered by hunter 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Being a strict Dad doesn't necessarily mean that you are a mean Dad. It depends on how you talk to your kids on a daily basis. If you show them as much love and affection as you do discipline then you are doing a great job. Since your kids are all grown now I would hope that your relationship with them has grown and changed some. You should be able to sit back and enjoy them now without having to worry so much about being the disciplinarian. Try talking to them more as adults and show an interest in their lives. As for your wife showing favoritism...this is very bad and can have a negative effect on the kids. I realize that sometimes maybe one kid will be closer to you than the others but they should all be treated equally while respecting their individuality.
2007-01-05 13:24:11 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, no ones perfect. we raise our kids the only way we know how. And everyone is different. If were too strict were mean and if were not strict were not raising them properly with guidance and direction. As long as there's no physical or mental abuse going on, then just do the best you can. And how is your wife treating your kids differently? That's wrong and it shouldn't be happening. Try not to argue and have a calm conversation between the two of you privately about it. And don't argue in front of your children. It could damage them. I hope this helps.
2007-01-05 15:41:40 · answer #3 · answered by sunnyd 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are generally two different kinds of parents...authoritative and authoritarian. Authoritarians are more control freaks...you might have been one. Alas, that is now in the past.
If the kids are grown now...I wouldn't sweat it too much. Now it is time to say, "And, this has to do with what??...You want money or something? Get a job!" lol. Seriously, you are dealing with young adults now...you are there for them...but you were strict and you were for your own reasons. Its now their turn to be free and fall on their face a couple of times and understand why you did what you did the way that you did it. Its now your time to spend with your wife (I hope) and enjoy life...and to enjoy it with your kids too.
I'm not really sure what the real problem is at this point---adult sibling rivalry? Your daughters are a little jealous? Your son might be the youngest...he was the last out of the nest and probably the closest to your wife. Unless she is pitting the boy against the girls...unless she is spending ungodly amounts of money on the boy and not the girls...then just let it slide. Do the girls call or communicate with your wife the same amount as your son? Do they even bother to call just to say hello? Does your son help out around the house? You can't treat everyone exactly the same...its just not possible. There are going to be times where you have one girl call you up for help and you are going to be there for her. You just have to reinforce the point to your kids that you love them all...and that they mean the world to you and if they are going to be stinking trivial over who is given more attention than the other...especially when they are now adults, its time to just say..."what?? What in the world are you talking about? Grow up! I love you!" Its not worth arguing about or getting your boxers in a bunch.
2007-01-05 12:52:55 · answer #4 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm of a 5 yr old boy as a mother i think being strict is ok, but what matters is how you define strict? and as far as for your wife she shouldn't be favoring one child over the other since this makes 1 kid fell better then the other.
2007-01-05 12:43:51 · answer #5 · answered by knijjar1981 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well it doesnt make you a mean dad, but it certainly makes you look mean to your kids sometimes which can make them not want to listen to you. maybe if you sat down and explained your reasons for being strict to your kids, you wouldnt seem so mean. my dad is real strict and sometimes i dont feel like listening to him cuz his strictness makes it seem like he's doing it on purpose to make my life miserable. i rather prefer my mom who takes time to hear my views and then explains why she does what she does which makes me wanna respect her decisions. so you get the picure. if your kids are grown up, show them that you are open to their opinions and feelings too, and be genuinely so. one of the meanest thing is for kids to be grown up and not be accepted as grown ups by the parents.
about your wife, is her partiality your opinion or your kids'? if your daughters think she's being partial, they should talk it out with her, or if they've told you so, encourage them to talk it out. if they dont feel she's being partial then you shouldnt really so anything about it. talk to your wife if it makes you feel better, but more importantly, give your daughters the love and attention you think they're getting less of from their mom.
2007-01-05 12:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by dumb.doll 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do they have their own kids yet? If not, they will probably be 1.thanking you, 2. apologizing for their behavior once they do have children.
I know I did both once I realized how hard it is to be a parent.
If they already do have kids, maybe you could have been just a tad over the top strict? I don't know....maybe not - maybe they are just ungreatful?
2007-01-05 13:31:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Learned a long time ago...you have a choice with your children, you can be a proper parent, and all the pain that goes with raising them properly; or you can be your kids 'friend' and probably visit them in jail or the cemetary later on in life.
In time...usually once they have kids of their own, they will slowly put out feelers for a rapproachment with you. Life isn't easy and it dang sure isn't fair...but in the end, it is worth it.
2007-01-05 12:45:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are strict because you love them, right? It's hard to argue with that.
2007-01-05 12:41:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
But! Do you show them as much love as you do discipline? Do you tell them you love them? Do they know you love them?
2007-01-05 12:42:08 · answer #10 · answered by Pyrette 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋