I've had a fight with my mother, I'm sorry but it's not completely my fault?

Question

she treates me as if I'm the least worthy of her sons and dauthters, and I probably am, but I'm the one that helps her more also, and she becomes reallly hard to stand sometimes because she's ill and that makes her quite nervous, but I'm the one that always pays for it, because I still live with her, partly because I don't want to leave her alone, is there a solution?thanks

Answer 1

I totally understand your delima. I am the youngest of 4, was the "golden child" until my mom became ill. I stayed at home, took care of her, helped her bathe, held her while she vomitted, etc. But, I could not do anything right. I was "a waste", "a disappointment", she wondered what she "did wrong to raise such a godless child", and that it was "obvious that she had failed as a mother". Mind you, I worked 3 jobs and went to university, making top marks, always. We would argue because I couldnt make her see I wasnt a bad person. I would yell. She would yell. I would feel bad, but would rarely appologize. My mom passed away 2 years ago, and I would give anything to fight with her again. She made me feel like a louse, a lot, but she's the only mom I will ever have. My siblings are not around, they were not around to see what happened or what life was like when she was ill. Just love your mother, and understand she is a flawed human, as we all are. She is scared. She is depressed. She does not mean to take her frustrations out on you, you are just the closest target. As her child, she manifests all her insecurities and faliures and places them on you. Be patient. Hug her. Tell her you love her. Tell her you dont like being treated as a lesser being. Good luck

Answer 2

Dear eve,
Um goin' thru a similar situation. It's hard to disagree with your parents. I know, 'cause I live with mine too. It's unfortunate that the children who seem like they don't need the attention don't get it and the ones that get it don't seem to deserve it. Um the only girl in my family--I can be spoiled to a degree, but I get the booty end of the stick when it comes to trust and finances. Just bear with your mother. She's a human being. She was before she had children. Everybody has some character flaws. But the flaws are Thin when the love is Thick. Keep doing the right thing by your mother. You can't answer for her hang-ups. Do you.

Answer 3

ooh, in this case, u gotta go to a higher power. seriously... when it comes to family, u can't pick and choose who's going to appreciate u or not. =T i have similar situation regarding my older sister... sometimes i feel like she can be so mean and hurtful to me, even tho everything i do is to be there for her! u just have to understand and accept that if she changes, it has to be on her OWN accord. nothing u do or say can make her see how hurtful she can be... it sucks, but if u want to keep helping ur mother (which is extremely wonderful of you!!!), ur gonna have to keep doing ur best and keep praying for her to change. it is not what YOU do directly, but her ability to be grateful to God that you continue to love her, that can change her heart.

do it joyfully, willingly, voluntarily. don't Expect her to say or do certain things, because u know her personality and how she perceives you. u have every right to leave and let her "better" sons and daughters take care of her, but u are doing a noble thing cuz u are the only one who truly cares. let That be a feeling of joyfulness for you, that u can sacrifice things in ur life for a woman who does not appreciate u. in this case, u need to be ur Own rock, and not depend on someone who will not directly show u love. some day she will realize that she appreciates you... but if that day is the only day u are waiting for, u will burn out. u have to look at this differently.. that maybe she needs to be shown love, that maybe she had a bad life or upbringing that caused her to be cold.. and you should be so proud of urself for learnign to be Loving REGARDLESS of ur past.. not everyone can be so lucky :). good luck, and keep charging on!!

if u have time, try reading romans 5-8. it truly helped me forgive myself, and my sister, for our relationship. i realized some people hang on to the negativity and past, and it causes them to become sour... but if u can somehow learn to free urself from the past and look to the future (i'm really trying! :D) u can feel so much joy... and so, even tho ur mother cannot see that right now, maybe u can.

Answer 4

Be the bigger person and apologize. She probably will too. It will open the door for a deeper discussion. Let her know how you feel. She probably has no idea. If you find this difficult - put it in a letter.

Answer 5

Sit down with her and tell her you love her and want to work on handling daily fruatrations so they don't escalate into fights. Tell her you feel unappreciated and that you are there with her because you don't want her to be alone. You could also give family counseling a try!

Answer 6

If she's anything like my mom, she will never apologize..because she never thinks she is wrong about anything. I am also currently being oppressed by my mother (I'm 22 living at home). But as soon as I graduate and get a job.....that's the last I'll see of her, 'cause I'm outta here!!!

Answer 7

Be the bigger person and say sorry.Get your siblings to help out more otherwise you will crack.You need time away from your mum.

Answer 8

Move out, and visit often. If you have other siblings they should be helping out too.