why do people drop their kids off to me at parties?

Question

When my mother in law has a party she invities a lot of people. The people bring their grandchildren or children and drop them off where I am. I have a 2 yr old and an 9 month old. My hands are full. Then I have to take care of a 2 more 2 yr olds and a 4 yr old and my little sister in law. I hardly have anytime to enjoy the party or eat, I more worried about their stomachs than mines. I chase them all around and I hardly see their grandparents or parents. I'm a nuturing person, but my husband gets mad that I am taking care of these children and that their family members should be doing it. These people depend on me. She said out loud that "katrina's got them taken care of" The children are very demanding and my son likes to play alone. I love to play with the children, but my children come first. I just cannot not go to the party. What should I do? They praise me and say I am such a good mom, but I just want to be a mom to my own sometimes.

what can I say to them? They already know my hands are full? I don't mind it, but if I could take care of them children half of time it would be fine, but not for 6 hours straight.

parties are every other weekend

Answer 1

People drop their kids off to you at parties because you allow it to happen. People will continue to bring their children and grandchildren to you to take care until you put a stop to it. If the children are hungry, you should take them by the hand over to their parents or grandparents and let them know that their little one needs some food. You can say politely, "Jenny, Bobby seems to be hungry and I have my hands full since the baby needs to eat and Stephen wants a sandwhich. I am going to leave Bobby with you now." You really don't need to be concerned about the stomachs of any children except your own. I think part of you feels good knowing that you are a good mom and a good nurturer and that people notice that about you. However, these people take care of their children and grandchildren when they aren't at your mother-in-law's parties, so they really don't "depend" on you. If your mil has so many parties, I don't really see why you can't not attend once in a while, especially if you are feeling like you need a little break. Enlist your husband's help in this matter. This is his mom's home, his mom's party, and his mom's friends. I am sure most of these people are unaware that you don't want to care for the kids all the time. As long as you keep doing it and seem to enjoy it they will think you are OK with it. If you see these people every other weekend, you must know them well enough to be able to say, "I won't be able to watch your child right now." No need to be apologetic. The longer you wait to take care of this problem the more resentment and anger you will feel. Eventually you'll say something not so nice and everyone will be quite taken aback and wonder why you didn't say something sooner.

Answer 2

Why don't you suggest that everyone pitch in and pay for a couple of teenagers that you know you can trust to come over and watch the kids while the adults enjoy the party. That way one person is not stuck with all the kids, no body wants that, and everyone can have fun. Set aside one room where the party is being held for the kids to be and let the teenagers make some money. If every family that had kids contributed $5 I'm sure that would be enough for at least one sitter if not two. If they don't want to pay a sitter tell them you don't want to be responsible for everyone's kids anymore, period.

Answer 3

Next time you are invited to one of the parties, ask if there will be a babysitter. Suggest that all of the parents can chip in, or the hostess can pay, so that *everyone* can enjoy the party. Say something casual like, "I love kids, but I've got my hands full. I never seem to be able to enjoy the parties and visit with everyone as I'm running around after so many kids. Let's get a babysitter!"

Straightfoward and kind is the best approach. She's probably just not noticing how frustrating it is for you - she must think you love to do it. Also, if your husband is frustrated, have him talk to her. It's his mother, afterall. Good luck!

Answer 4

Your husband needs to direct that frustration not at you but at his mother. He's absolutely right - you are not responsible for other people's children and to advertise otherwise (by your m-i-l) is unacceptable. You need to establish that you are not the designate sitter. You don't have to be confrontational about it at the next party, just avoid other children like the plague for now. Don't hold the babies, don't play games, don't so much as wipe their nose because that's how they hook you! Be busy, keep your hands occuppied, and engage in meaningful adult conversations. Should someone still cross the line, redirect them to someone else. Eventually you will lose the label and you can resume a little more of a normal interaction with kids.

Answer 5

Just dont do it. Send those kids to find their mom and dad and just dont worry about them. Maybe next party get a sitter for your kids and just tell the other parents that you are a grown up too and want to enjoy the party. That's a bunch of bs that they expect you to chase thier kids at a party. Another idea is to tell the parents when they drop the kids that you now charge $10 an hour for child care during a party.

Answer 6

Unless you can enlist the help of a willing teenager or other available person to help bail you out, you do need to speak right up when you see someone approaching you with their kids and it's obvious they are going to dump them on you. Just say something like, "Woah. Mine are a real handful tonight. You'd better keep an eye on little Susie yourself. I don't want to get in over my head and let something happen to someone." Or, you might even want to treat yourself every other party or so and just get a sitter and go without your own kids. That way you can move freely about and enjoy the part of the party you are usually missing. If anyone tries to dump kids on you on those nights, just laugh it off and say, "Nope. Tonight I am a free agent." I agree it's not fair for them to treat you like the little ol' woman who lived in a shoe.

Answer 7

Why do you have to take care of other children? You dont have to anything of the sort. Tell the person "I'm sorry..my hands are full" and thats it. Nobody is depending on you..they are using you. Either stop going to parties with your kids or say NO.

Answer 8

Dear Abby always says people can only take advantage of you if you let them. Be straight. When people try to hand off their kids to you, tell them, "I have my hands full with my own, I really can't take responsibility for your too." Then don't. If the parents let their kids run wild, it's their fault. If you see a child not yours doing something dangerous, call their parent's attention to it, but DON'T interfere.

If you really really want an easy excuse for keeping the other kids at bay, you could tell the other parents that your kids are sick and you don't want their kids to catch it, but you run the risk of them saying "Oh a cold isn't a big deal, they'll be fine." and dumping them off on you anyway.

Answer 9

Start charging. At the end of the next party...offer a printed invoice
Child care-four hours at $5 an hour
One meal prepared-$5
Two trips to the bathroom at $2 per trip
One moderated fight-$5 per fight
You owe-$34

It's either that or stop going to the parties. Don't let yourself be bullied into it. And shame on your husband for getting mad and not talking to his own DANG mother about it. What an as$.

Answer 10

I can understand your position. To offer to do this yourself sometimes would be one thing; to be "volunteered" is another. Simply explain that it is not your place to do this all the time; and that you are not comfortable with the appointed job which you did not offer to do. That is too many children for one person to be responsible for. And what is wrong with taking turns?

It is not your mother in law's place to announce that you will be the family baby sitter. Your husband really should have a word with his own mother, too.