I'm the maid of honor in a wedding saturday and the groom is totally wrong for the bride. He drinks, swears and has no ambition. The couple are young and the bride is having mixed feelings. Should i object at the wedding? I don't want her to make a huge future mistake since she is so young. I have already told her I think she should wait and she is having mixed feelings on what to do. I think she's scared to cancel because of embarrasment.HELP! Her family all feels the same that this is all a bad idea.
2007-01-05 03:20:40 · 19 answers · asked by brunettehairapy25 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Do not object. It isn't your choice to make, it's the brides. She may be making a mistake (I did the first time around) but it is her mistake to make, and eventually learn from. Objecting will only make you the bad guy here....and people will be upset with you for "wrecking" the day and the wedding. Don't say a word. Honestly, it's her choice, and up to her to bail out....on her own.
2007-01-05 03:24:43 · answer #1 · answered by nottashygirl 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
A good friend will always tell you the truth but let you live your life the way you intend to and support you through it.
You don't have to clearly tell your friend she's marrying a loser; but you CAN tell her you are concerned about her mixed feelings. Marriage is not just a wedding; it's a serious business. The decision is up to her; she has to go to the end of the road with this guy: maybe the end is this week, maybe it will be next year, who knows?
If you have a bit of psychology skills, maybe you can make her say how she truly feels about this marriage and have HER make her own decision.
As a friend and a maid of honor, you should definitely say something!! This is not some trivial thing; it's a life changing decision, if she doesn't see clearly you have help her see if she let's you.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
2007-01-05 14:17:42 · answer #2 · answered by Marie-Claude T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for BOTH of you. My first marriage was a nightmare. My best man said "I can sneak you outta here", but I was young and dumb and went thru with it even though in my heart I did have huge second guesses. I stayed with her for 7 years and we had two children but it all got to be way too much. She was extremely jealous which I had never seen prior to getting married. It was almost like that little piece of paper gave her ownership of me. I left her not long after my son was born. I know that sounds horrible but trust me, it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, leaving my children, not her.
When my daughter was 17 she said to me, "Daddy, I want to thank you for something." I asked her what that was. She said, "For having the strength to do what you did all those years ago. When you left mom. Because you did that, I got to see two healthy relationships instead of one horrible one. I now tell anyone who says to me that they are staying together for the kids, how very wrong that is."
Getting back to your position. I don't think YOU can stop this wedding on your own. All you can do is provide your input as a friend and hope your friend has the strength to do the right thing. If she still goes thru with it, and in time she sees the error of her choice, you can still support her when she decides to end the marriage and move on. Whatever you do, don't say, "I told you so".....
2007-01-05 11:39:01 · answer #3 · answered by slavetofs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It actually isn't common for the priest or whoever is doing the ceremony to ask if anyone objects. But, that would be a terrible idea to do anyway. Think about how humiliating that would be for the bride, who obviously considers you to be her best friend. Talk to her before the wedding and let her know how you feel. Be supportive. You can't decide for her.
2007-01-05 11:45:04 · answer #4 · answered by Lewis 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her it's easier to go through embarrassment than a divorce or worse... put up with a louse for a husband who sounds like he could potentially become abusive.
AND no she won't change him.... and a kid or two won't help... it'll only compound potential problems.
Tell her that her future kids depend on her good choices now.
People would look at her in a more respectful light by her ending it before it starts than to be known as the chick who married such an idiot when all the sign and doubts were there.
Her family members should tell her the same thing.
I've seen it happen... both ways. The one's who ended it on a gut feeling lived happily ever after with someone else and those who stuck to it are miserable and developed coping habits which aren't healthy and that isn't good for their kids.
Good luck!
2007-01-05 11:35:16 · answer #5 · answered by Gigi 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
At this point, you best just be supportive and let her know you'll always be there no matter what. Should she choose to end the relationship after the marriage, you will need to remain a close friend. Keep in mind, no matter what, eventually she will be ok. Either this guy will grow up and be good for her, or she will leave him and move on, but life comes with highs and lows, and age tends to make people more wise (him and her), so let their relationship do what it will, it's out of your control. Focus on your life and happiness!
2007-01-06 03:52:04 · answer #6 · answered by emm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you dont think she would be even more embarrassed to have you object at her wedding. If she doesnt have the balls to call off this wedding to this loser then thats HER problem. She clearly knows what she is getting involved in and you have already stated your case to her. NOW you must stand with her and support her decision.
2007-01-05 11:29:42 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow. As the maid of honor I think it is your duty to say something. I wouldn't take part in something I didnt believe in, even as an outsider. If this really is a mistake then in 3 months when they do divorce she'll look at you like why didn't you stop me?
Say something to her, tell her you will stand behind her decision either way, but that if she doesn't want to do it, you'll take her somewhere else instead of the church on saturday.
2007-01-05 11:30:22 · answer #8 · answered by Lola 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Just hire a couple of little kids to run down the aisle, grab the grooms legs and scream "Daddy, Daddy don't do it" over and over, just before the vows. I guarantee it will stop the show for at least a week and give your friend the opportunity to back out graciously.
2007-01-05 11:27:02 · answer #9 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you should just talk to the bride..tell her what you're feeling but let her know that you'll be there to support her no matter what she decides...and if she decides to go through with it then you did what you could...she knows what she's getting herself into
2007-01-05 13:29:34 · answer #10 · answered by Cori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋