Trust Issues?

Question

Well, my boyfriend seems to have some trust issues. He came over to my place the other night after leaving a friends party at 2:30 a.m and I wasn't home.

I'm the type of person that likes to go to the 24 hour grocery store and shop because often times I go to bed at 7 pm and I'm up by 1 or 2 in the morning. I also like to do my laundry during those hours because theirs no crowd and it's quiet. My boyfriend asked me where I was and I told him grocery shopping and he didn't believe me. I even showed him the receipt. Why do some people always think you're lying? Especially when you don't have a reason too. I know he has some trust issues and we talked it out. I know I can't make him believe me, or is it a result of his own guilt. How do we establish trust? I know couples go through it all the time...any advice?

Answer 1

Just talk to him again and let him know that this really bothers you. If he loves you then the trust should come naturally. If he keeps up this attitude tell him you wont stay with him.

Answer 2

Communication is so important in a relationship. It seems like you are a level headed girl that has true feelings for your guy. If he has an issue with you being gone then why was he at a party at his friends so late and expect you to be waiting on him? Some people have a hard time with trusting others and it's a two way street when you are in a relationship. Every once in a while it does get tested. That's life. All you can do is let him know you love him and trust him until he gives you a reason not to. If he is in this for the long haul he won't be judgmental about your every move and where you might be at a certain hour. If he doubts you then he has to work it out on his own and not blame you for why he may not have trusted others in the past. You are not responsible for how others did him in the past. Just be open and honest with him and hopefully he will do the same. Being able to talk to each other about anything is a plus to having a wonderful relationship. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Obviously he has trust issues due to some past experience that has left him unwilling and/or unable to trust any future prospective mate. I myself was this way to the nth degree. If you love one another, then patience and understanding is the only key to success. You must be patient with him and help him to understand that you are not going to pay for the past sins of others that have hurt him. He has to be patient with you and be willing to accept the fact that if someone is dishonest and wants to cheat, there is nothing he can do about it, and no amount of checking up on, lurking in the shadows, calling your friends, etc. is going to help that. Trust is a commodity that is earned. If you have given him no reason to think there is anything in your character that points to infidelity or untrustworthiness then the onus is on him to put his faith where deserved. I was your b/f just a short while ago and i can tell you from experience it is better to let go and trust the one that u love. It is a sinful waste of time and energy to have to check up on one's girlfriend. If he cant trust you and you him, there is no reason to be with one another. Talk to each other about what you are feeling and dont take the other's feelings for granted. Try to see what they may be feeling. This is a classic role reversal technique. You be him and have him be you in a conversation and see what u learn. Good luck to you both.

Answer 4

There are two possible answers: Either you (or some other woman he loved) has done something to lose his trust or he himself is not trustworthy. The only way to re-establish trust is by compromise. If you really want to make it work, you will have to stop the midnight grocery runs. Or call him and ask him to come with. You will have to communicate on everything. Include him in every aspect of your life and make sure he knows all your friends. You will have to really humble yourself but before you do, make sure he is worth all the trouble.

Answer 5

To trust is to take time, when trust was broken it happened quickly but to fix it, It will not repair as fast as it was broken it will take time and most of all the both of you will have to make the choice to whether or not you want to work at it or not.

On person cannot work on it and the other just stands around, you both have to sit down and talk and get things out on the table so to speak, trust also is something that must be earned it cannot be given so easily, you have said that both of you have trust issues well you don't think that it will work over night did you? Of course not! the one thing you need to do it just relax and just let time take care of itself. and for him he needs to find out what he needs to do so I suggest don't worry about him at this time worry about yourself....As a matter of fact don't worry period because the more you worry the more things will stay the same. Believe me I know just relax and take it slowly.
Good luck!

Answer 6

Main reason people do not trust you for no reason is either insecurity or past experiences. Let's face it, past experiences play a big role on future relationships, and it's hard to get past certain feelings or memories of lies, cheaters, and disloyal person. You have to have a serious talk with him, and tell him how you feel, and the only way things will work, if he can put his trust issues behind him and start over with you.

Answer 7

Trust is something you either have or you don't. I think once that trust has been tested, it either grows stronger or it gets worse. If his insistence of your guilt continues even after showing him the receipt I think you got a bad one, throw him back.

My abusive ex was always very suspicious, and I gave him no reason to be. Oddly as it turns out he was the cheater. Ultimately the decision is yours to make, I hope you have better luck than I did.

Answer 8

The main problems in most of these stories is that the one that is not being trusted always seems to put the blame on themselves.

Now, repeat after me: THIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM, IT'S HIS.

Why should his inferiority interfere with your schedule? Why are you taking the problem on? You go, you do your shopping at 3am if thats when you want to do it, why are you letting another human dictate what you do or don't do just because they have issues? You only live once, girlie...don't live by his whims, ONLY YOURS!!

Answer 9

He probably expects things will go wrong and constantly looks for proof of that. I'm not sure how to make it go away, but I would probably try to get him to look at how he perceives life, people, and relationships. Maybe he had an abusive parent that made him feel like life is not safe and that he has to constantly be on the look out? Try to get him into therapy maybe.

Answer 10

could be he is the one who isn't trustworthy, maybe somewhere in his past he was lied to, and he hasn't resolved it. could also stem from his childhood, he has some insecurity and communication is needed, with him sharing his doubts with u, but men seldom want to talk about it, they aren't as emotional as we women are. whatever it is it's somewhere in his past, maybe he's been hurt and cheated on in the past, and just doesn't trust those he loves, he is afraid of loosing u, and automatically thinks the worst if u aren't home.