My fiancee was dianosed with stage 4 cancer at the age of 30. He has beaten this horrible disease and believe me as long as he is healthy I dont care if we ever have sex again. We havent had sex in over a year- he has been clear of his cancer for 8 months- Thank God! He says that he just doenst feel like having sex. Again- I dont care as long as he is healthy. But my only problem is that I am scared that he isnt attratced to me. I took care of him thru his illness and did things that I never thought I would do in the bat of an eye- because I love him so much. Does anyone have any advice on how I should feel (not just to be thankful that he is healthy because trust me I AM!)... Thank you so much and congratulation to all the future brides and grooms of 2007!
2007-01-05 02:25:35 · 9 answers · asked by deels 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Somehow it just seems unlikely that you could go through so much with this man only to have him decide that he doesn't find you attractive. If I were in your shoes I think I would seek out some form of counseling. Together if possible, by yourself if necessary. It sounds like something deeper is going on with him. Possibly physical, possibly mental. Speaking of which, is there ANYTHING that might have affected his ability to perform? Anything that has changed HIS appearance? These can be difficult issues for a man to face up to. He might be afraid that YOU will no longer find HIM desirable. Good luck with this, and congratulations.
2007-01-05 02:36:45 · answer #1 · answered by danl747 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, the two of you should be discussing his lack of desire with his doctor and oncologist to discover what the normal pattern of sexuality is while recovering -- both physically and emotionally. Without that information, you are both probably operating under some serious misconceptions and fears. It's better to know the truth than fumble around in the dark.
I doubt the issue is YOU. I'm sure it's probably his emotional and physical recovery from the disease. It may be too soon for him to feel that way physically. He may still be overwhelmed emotionally. That may be perfectly normal. Or the doctor may advise you both to seek counseling to deal with any emotional issues he might be having. The only issue I can imagine him having with you is embarrassment that you've seen him at a lot of low points. Time will heal that wound, as will talking about it.
I'm sure that this problem is perfectly solvable. But it's probably one that is best tackled with information and the truth before anything else.
Good luck.
2007-01-05 02:32:29 · answer #2 · answered by Karen L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dought that the problem is you, but I am not the one in your relashinship. I think the best thing for you to do is sit him down and talk to him. Let him know that you don't care is you ever have sex again as long as you have him but you want to make sure he hasn't grown dissatisfied with you. You have to have open communication esspeciely if your getting married and you should be taking to him about this! Not that getting out feedback isn't a bad idea just don't forget to go to him. Good Luck!
2007-01-05 02:42:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would start slow, he has probably just lost the drive because he forgot how pleasurable it can be. Maybe offer to give him a bj and say you want to do it for you not for him. See if he'll let you and if he enjoys it. He may have some trouble with those feelings after the traumatic journey he went through, don't think its all about you- he may be dealing with some deep issues because of his battle. If it lasts longer than you would like or can deal with see if he'll talk to someone about his feelings about sex. But I would try to entice him into it slowly.
2007-01-05 02:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its not you. He may be clear of cancer but his body is still trying to overcome the trauma of the disease. Sit him down and ask him about it. If he says he just doesnt feel like it tell him that you love him very much and need that part of the relationship.
2007-01-05 02:31:38 · answer #5 · answered by hockey_kisses 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should be grateful that somebody loves him and takes care of him the way you do. You seem to be a great selfless woman and if he is not attracted to you then he has a problem. Consider your options please, if you doubt his love for you do not continue this relationship just for pity. Find a man that appreciates you.
2007-01-05 02:35:18 · answer #6 · answered by indie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cancer is massive and it may take him a while to feel comfortable again. He may be in the middle of trying to regain dignity. Maybe you could just ask him.
2007-01-05 02:32:15 · answer #7 · answered by kim c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him. He may be pushing you away so if something were to reoccur, you would be guarded because he has pushed you away. He could be protecting you this way. My mother in law had breast cancer, she took a different route of recovery. I call it denial in a sense. Partying and do things she was told not to do. Everyone has their own way off coping with it, be honest and talk to him.
2007-01-05 02:32:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have show hI'm so much love and care and know he is healthy it your turn yes he is attracted to you I'm sure he love you very much and im sure ounce he get his well power back he well show you just hang in there
2007-01-05 02:30:41 · answer #9 · answered by little_bear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋