I was raised in a religious family (Pentecostal). My oldest son is 17. He says that he doesn't believe in God. This really bothers me. He claims to be gothic. He wears black clothes, nail polish, dyes his long curly hair black and wears eyeliner, chains, studs and anything else he thinks is shocking. I have always encouraged my children to be individuals and I don't have a problem with his physical appearance (he looks like Gene Simmons). I think he is a very good looking young man. How do I find out if he really doesn't believe in God. I find this so hard to believe. Any advice would be appreciated. I worry for his soul.
Thanks a lot.
2007-01-05 01:43:37 · 26 answers · asked by rrcoyote 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We live in a small town in a very rural area. Don't get into big cities.
2007-01-05 01:47:43 · update #1
My son and I have a wonderful relationship and I do encourage him to find his own path in life. I don't criticize him for his choices. He knows that I worry about him and I don't "preach" to him. I don't force him to go to church with me. I just pray for him and pray and pray and pray. His life is an open book for him. There are no limits to what he can do. I just hope that somewhere within him, God is there.
2007-01-05 01:52:10 · update #2
WOW! It's sounds like you're already taking the right road. Ask God to make it clear to you. PRAYER WORKS, a lot more than nagging. Gently, calmly, honestly tell him about your concern for his soul but not too often. Once is probably enough. (Ask God to reverberate that in his head.) Continue to be a supportive dad where it doesn't conflict with what you've taught. Choose your battles -make sure it's not too long of a list. Set ground rules for your household and family gatherings. Some teens feel the need to "break out" and excercise their freedom bc they can. That's normal enough -not always good but normal. Sounds like this guy still respects the home/place he knows best. Be grateful for that.
Boundaries is a great book to read. You can find what you need in the Table of Contents.
I'd trust God to make this a time where your son grows his own strong convictions. My dad says "who doesn't hear must feel". That's just life. Remember God is LOVE and Jesus is LORD.
2007-01-05 02:00:53 · answer #1 · answered by caeli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Train up a child in the way he should go... etc
The thing is we can do what we think is best in bringing up our kids but at the end of the day, the choice is their's. I was brought up in a Pentecostal family as well. Not there right now but I can assure you that the foundation that was laid is still there and will always be.
You can ask your son why he doesn't believe in God.
-Probably he was 'failed' by God and by that I mean that he asked for something and didn't get it, etc. We all know that God answers- yes, no or wait.
-There are a lot of influences out there today and he may have been 'logically' or 'scientifically' brainwahed to disbelieve God's existence.
I also went through the gothic stage and for the most part, it's just that- a stage. Be patient but firm. Have him continue church attendance, praying at the dinner table, etc.
And no matter what his choices are remember that you did your part. Jesus came and revealed himself and was still rejected, so don't feel like you failed. If anything it's your son who's failing now. He is old enough and has a solid foundation to save himself.
- you can take the horse to the water but you can not make him drink...
2007-01-05 09:52:05 · answer #2 · answered by stacy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am surprised that he hasn't been persuaded by what he has seen in church. If he says that he doesn't believe in God then he probably doesn't. The only thing that I would recommend is to continue showing him by example. I am pentecostal too, and been to many other churches and what I found there I haven't found any where else. I hope that he changes before it is too late. He can make his own mind up and he will soon be out on his own so pressuring him might make him resent full towards God.
2007-01-05 09:59:07 · answer #3 · answered by B-DIDDLES 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet I know what happened. When was the last time you took your son with you to feed the hungry in the streets of a major city?
In my infalliable wisdom, I'd say he's suffering from lack of Humility.
God isn't in your church. He's freezing to death under the bridges in NYC.
A fine man once said, "so much as you have done this to my bretheren, you have done this to me." I don't know the exact location of that passage but I'd be glad to look it up review it with you if it would help.
I should clarify it seems. Feeding the hungry is one of the many acts JC did during his walk on this earth to prove to us that he was one of us. There is much work to be done in many areas of humanity. I am not sure that I could properly deliver a message to you that would stick because the message that is needed here is rather blunt and unforgiving. A public forum isn't really the place for that. I think the best solution, therefore, would be to seek couseling of your own and forget your schooling for a bit. I feel for you in a way that only a fellow parent of an endangered child could, but I would have to see the situation more up close and personally to render a fair and palatable solution.
My evaluation still stands, however. Your focus in my opinion is going to be in the area of humilty.
2007-01-05 09:45:53 · answer #4 · answered by your_name_here 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I also was raised in a Pentecostal Church, my father was a minister and I thank God everyday for the parents that I was given. You believe in God and his word say raise up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Your son has seen the mighty hand of God work , he has felt his presence and he Knows the truth. Pray for him and keep the lines of communication open. Anoint a prayer cloth with oil and pray a prayer of protection over him put it under his pillow or fix it inside the lining of his long black coat, or under the collar of his favorite shirt or in one of the many pockets of his chain covered pants. Then pray , pray, pray.
2007-01-05 10:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Our children need to chose their own way in life and believe because that is what they believe. Being religious sometimes hurts us more than helps. I find that living your faith comes through much louder and a lot clearer and your children see and learn more because you are living what you believe. It's not like a coat that is pulled off at the front door after you leave church on Sunday, but more like your favorite shirt, pants or shoes, it stays with you through thick or thin. This does not mean you children will not run into trouble, but it does mean they will come back. You know "train up a child . . ." dwm
2007-01-05 10:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love him and set an example for him and leave him alone. I am saying that because it has to be the workings of the holy spirit and not you. Pray for him. Don't interfere or bug him about it otherwise you will push him away.
Every teenager in their life goes through phases in their life. Maybe Goth is the way he expresses himself now because that is where he is at right now or that's who he is?
Only God knows the depths of his heart. Only God can change his heart when he is open to God. God doesn't force himself on us and thus we should do like wise.
Maybe this website can help you find some answers. Please do not suggest this to him because I posted it for you. He has to come to God by his own free will.
http://www.christiangoth.com/
http://www.christiangoth.com/pastordavidhart.htm
2007-01-05 09:57:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I doubt there is any way you can find out for sure. Your best bet is to let him make his own choices. If you push God on him that is only going to cause him to rebel more and that may have the opposite affect on him. You can't make a person believe in something that they don't want to. As he grows into a mature adult he may change his mind completely about God but even if he doesn't he will always be your child and your love will stlll be there- just as it should be.
2007-01-05 09:49:44 · answer #8 · answered by color me blue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep praying for him and encourage him to read the bible and pray as well. Keep talking about God even if he doesn't want to hear it, Use God as an example BUT DON'T PREACH, that will only drive him away. Just set an example with your life and service and God will work on him .
2007-01-05 09:46:11 · answer #9 · answered by kristonianinstitution 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One the way most parent, in this situation, would mess this whole thing up is by being angry with him. Why aren't alot more people in church? Well, because they aren't feeling the love from those who are called to LOVE as much. Im not saying that you dont love your son... no. But , if you want to really win him over... just love him unconditionally. He is allowed, by God, to make his own mind up. But his decision will be largely based on the love that he veiwed from you.
2007-01-05 09:46:55 · answer #10 · answered by Asianfmle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋