How would you feel if your family who raised you as one of thier own acted like you were dead!?

Question

See my biological parents dies in an auto accident when I was 2. I was raised by my aunt and uncle and was brought up as one of the family. But always felt like the black sheep of the family. I married at 18 and moved out of state at 21. I am much older now. But they never accepted my first or second husbands. Around five years ago I no longer got Christmas cards from anyone that was suppost to be my immediate family. Not even one for my children. Then come to find out that one of my "sister's" had a baby sometime last year. I was never told and still do not know what it was or how old it is. Then I find out through the grapevine that my other "sister" had breast cancer, had complications from it and had passed away. Once again, I knew nothing of it. I don't let it get to me anymore and it has made me a stronger person. But deep down the pain of not being recognized is still there. Anyone want to give there input would be appreciated.

Answer 1

i share your pain........

Answer 2

Well that's hard to answer since it's impossible to know how everyone really felt about everything. Most likely it was just an uncomfortable situation for everyone because of the circumstances.

They're entitled to try to guide your life as best as they could to a point but the simple fact remains that you weren't immediate family so that could hard for them as well. I'd be even more difficult as you grew older because you're becoming your own person and really they can't control that because your not their daughter.

I highly doubt that they meant harm to you and really you should keep in touch with them if you can. I'm sure they're wondering what you've been up to regardless of feelings. You were a personality in the house for awhile.

Regardless of how it all turns out in the end you should just should be happy anyway. A family out there cared about ya and you've grown to have a quite normal life with your own family and seem to be doing well since your asking questions on Yahoo Answers! :p

Having feelings about a situation is a good thing. And talking about them is even better. It's OK to wonder about the past, just don't let it effect your future.

Everything's fine! :p

Answer 3

Never look back on your life if they are made up of sad lonely memories. What matters now is that you've a family you can count on and even better, a life away from the people who hurt your feelings. As you have mentioned, you became a stronger person after all the experiences that you went through so the only thing I've got to say is, keep up with the way you're.
Ahh, one more thing...I'm sorry about what happen to your parents.

Answer 4

Frst you need to check on the relationship you had with your sisters while growing up.People dont just forget people,talk more of family.There is a reason for all of this.Before you blame your sisters you should ask your self when was the last time you sent them a christmas card.Communication is reciprocal,for you not to know that your sister had a child or was ill,then you are also at a fault,just because your sisters did not contact you doesnt mean you should'nt.Be matured about the situation pick up the phone and call them first,or better still go and visit them.If after this they dont call or visit,let it go.Be strong.

Answer 5

Ok well this does suck, but did you keep in contact with them after you moved away at 18? Maybe they felt "put out" when you left at such a young age, or they may not have felt your husband was good enough for you. In any case, they should have kept in touch with you. Sometimes the "child" has to be the "adult" in sticky situations like these. If you would like to have a relationship with your family, how about dropping them a simple card saying something like, I have been thinking about you.. how have you been... then they will respond or not, but you will have been the bigger person for making the attempt. Good luck, sweetie! And Keep your chin up!!

Answer 6

I think I know...........It's not a good way to feel.
My daughter goes thru a similar situation....she has 1/2 brothers and sisters from her fathers (is now deceased) other 2 wives.............She is completely ingored by her dads bros/sis.........and all of the 1/2's .....Sometimes she cries and hurts inside so bad and wonders WHAT DID I DO?

Neither of you did anything WRONG..........If you have continued to keep in contact with that family,
maybe you just need to wash your hands of them. Be grateful they took you in long enough to become an adult ..........instead of any of the other options.............I don't encourage severing ties with family,but sometimes there is no other option.

Give them one last phone call and ask WHY? Maybe they didn't tell you about the sis/baby for a reason.....maybe they think you don't want to be around them...........as for the sister with breast cancer, maybe they left that job up to someone, who carelessly forgot....or was just plain incompetent. People never know unless they try .......Give it a TRY! You may be glad you did either way. That way you can begin to heal.

I do want you to know that there are so many people out here with similar situations. Myself as well...I just buried my dad in Oct. I'm only child. My name and my cousins name were on my dads bank accounts, while I was cleaning my dads apt, my cousin was cleaning the bank accounts. I wrote a 5 page letter to all the member of the family and I cut ties...........I moved on quickly...........Just like my daughter!

Good Luck and God Bless You.

Answer 7

it's NEVER easy when family starts to pull away. I moved away from my birthplace when I was 7 with my mom and I still try to keep in touch with my family but they seem to busy with everything directly around them to care or even give thought to anything or anyone that isn't there with them on a daily basis. So the same thing might be happening. Maybe it's nothing personal maybe it's just that they are people that get all caught up in THEIR world and anyone who decides to walk away from it, well just isn't really any of their concern. They don't do it conciounsly they just kind of seem to forget.....Do u go and visit? do they treat u right? or when u go visit they still treat u indifferent? Hopefully u will find the peace of mind and know that it's not ur fault its them!

Answer 8

keeping in thouch is a two way street.If you did youre share dont feel guilty over there lack of caring. For that would only show me that i was taken in as an have to.When you should feel like you were taken in because you are part of them.AS for them not telling you one of youre sisters died I believe that is bull sh** on there part. I dont care if they hated all youre husbands you should always be family.All you can do is instill in youre children never to turn youre back on family. God bless you and good luck

Answer 9

That is sooooo sad. I really feel for you. You could contact them. It might make things better. But if they still don't make the effort then you need to hold your head up, get some wonderful friends and build a beautiful life for you and your children. Move on.

Answer 10

This happens sometimes, and though it hurts, you just have to except that maybe (just maybe) they don't feel that you should be included in every intimate thing that they're going through. If you want a relationship with them, maybe you should just except this fact. Then again, try confronting them in a loving, yet firm way about how they're making you feel.

Answer 11

That's your side of the story. Now what is their side?

Families fall apart for lots of reasons. Most often, it's a combination of a variety of factors. But since the ENTIRE family stopped speaking to you, there had to be a major share of the "blame" that landed squarely on your shoulders.

If I had to guess, you started this fiasco so you need to be the one to fix it. Reach out to one of them. Make the first overature to repairing the relationship. Good luck to you.