I know he is cheating, but he doesn't know that I know. Please offer some advice on how to approach him.?

Question

I know that my boyfriend is cheating. The bad thing is, he is not just cheating with 1 other ...but 2. (Maybe more) I'm 15 weeks pregnant with his baby, and I love him. We have been together for 3 years. I know one of the girls he is sleeping with, and I found out by snooping through his voicemails. He has no idea, and I know that it was wrong on my part, but I just had a feeling something was up. The woman he is cheating with is 10 years older than me, he's 11 years older than me. I'm 25. What is scary, the woman I know he is cheating with use to be my manager when I was bartending. (I believe she might have a finance) (not sure) but she did a year ago. I am hurting so bad inside, and as much as I want him in my life, I don't think I could ever trust him again. How can I tell him it's over? Should I just end it and give him no reason? Or let him know he is busted? When I accuse him of things, he gets really defensive, and acts like he doesn't care if we stop talking or not. HELP!!!!

Answer 1

Hi there !!!! It is so sad how so many people cheat on their partner, not thinking of the consequences of their actions.
You are going through one of the most precious experiences, which is motherhood, do not allow this lump to ruin this for you.
If he can not respect you, the mother of his child, you his companion, then honey it is time to move on.
If you forgive him, you are setting yourself up for future pain and heartache. Once a cheater, ( in his case with two woman at a time?) always a cheater, very few guys or girls hang up the cheating suit.
I would try to find out as much as possible, if you can get a private detective get one.
If one of those things he is cheating with was your manager, and you think she is with him, find out where her boyfriend is, and have a good cup of coffee with him. Maybe the two of you will give them the shock of a lifetime.
The tv program cheaters is also a good idea, they will expose what he is doing, you just have to ask yourself will you be able to endure washing your dirty laundry on national TV.
Why would you want someone that is cheating back into your life? Do not sell yourself short honey. You have a baby on the way, this baby needs you , and you need to be in a relationship with someone that respects you, loves you, someone that you can trust.
An environment full of fights and problems is no place to raise a child, so get rid of that lump, and get on with your life.
Go do new things, change the places you go.Do something different, new. Be happy and if he did not value you, his lost.
Give yourself time to heal though, do not jump into the first relationship because of feelings of despair and being lonely. Your life will be upside down filled with emotions for a while, that is why you should be strong, be with people that love and support you, maybe even to move would be healthy for you and the baby.
You are 25, so young and full of life.
Take advantage of your youth, remember the choices we take today are the building blocks in the path we shall walk on tomorrow.
Believe in yourself, and do not blame yourself for what has happened.
When you do talk to this lump, let him know how you feel, and how hurt you are, how you are not going to allow him to hurt you any further.Remeber he is the father of the baby, and he must be a responsible parent to the baby, you do need his support there, so even though you guys part company he needs to be aware that he has to step up to the plate and play ball forever. A baby is not a once in a while deal. She will need financial help and lots of love.
I have always believe that when something ends it gives way to the birth of new things, many times better things in our life.
Think about this, in rose vine just because flowers wilt does not mean that others will not bloom and give out their beauty, splendor and rich aroma. And even though the rose vine has thorns that can hurt us, we go beyond that pain, and see the beauty in the rose.
Such is life, just because now this relationship is ending causing you pain and sorrow, feel at ease, because a new one could emerge and be better than the one before.
Remember though that we must be very picky when it comes to relationships, and more so when a baby is involved. Do not settle for the first man that smiles and acts nice, that is good, but not enough. You need to be real smart on this one. Give yourself some time first to grow, to heal, to figure out what you want, to get to know your baby when born. Just be happy , be positive, trust god above all and pray to him to guide you.
Life has its ups and downs, it has happiness and pain, life is an experience that is so unique like our fingerprints.
May you find peace deep within, may you find the right words to speak to this man, may you be able to move on to a better place in your life.
Love light and peace

Answer 2

I feel sorry for you because you are pregnant to this creep.

Seeing as he is all defensive about it, if you accuse him, he will blame you and make it your fault. he will say you drove him to it.

Being pregnant makes things a bit more complicated.
I would get evidence and throw it in his face. Don't just accuse him. If he has the proof shown to him he won't be able to talk his way out of it.

If you want revenge, and are living in the US, get in touch with the producers of that TV show "cheaters". They will get evidence and bust him on camera.

You will need to leave him. If he is cheating on you with two girls, then he will definitely not feel bad about what he is doing, and the only way you will be happy is with someone else. It will be tough being a single mother, but talk to your family about help before you move out or kick him out.

As said above, you can just put all his stuff on the front lawn and change the locks when he is at work one day. If you want to leave, arrange helpers (a team of 7-8 is the best size) and move all your stuff out while he is at work.

Answer 3

If this really is a true story, I feel great sympathy for you. Right now since you're pregnant you shouldn't have to deal with stress. That can't be good for your baby. Anyways. Just keep talking about how honest and loyal he is and show old pictures of you guys together. He'll feel so guilty he'll stop cheating or he'll break and spill the beans. If he spills the beans don't pick them up. Throw them in the trashcan. And say I hope you're glad you're making the baby fatherless, jerk. If he still cheats, he's not worth it. Seriously. Fight on and good luck.

Answer 4

For your own self worth, you need to tell this guy that you found out what he is doing, that it is wrong and NOT acceptable to you. He probably will be defensive, liars and cheats usually are when they are caught. But just be calm, express your feelings and what you are going to do in response to his actions, and leave, despite his reactions. When I have to say something important, be it a speech or a confrontation, sometimes I write it out, like an outline...to keep my thoughts straight and make sure that my emotions don't prevent me from voicing my opinion. This may help for you, Good Luck and Be strong!

Answer 5

As bad as you feel right now, you will be worse in the long run, don't let him get by with this, confront him, let him know you know he's a dirty B*****. If the trust is broken there isn't anyway to get it back, if you stay you will always think about what he's done or is still doing, you and your baby deserve a better person in your life. Good luck to you

Answer 6

Hi, I am a man (I don't think he is). Cheating is wrong always. You do not owe him anything expect a swift kick in the @#$%. Do not give hime permission to cheat by letting it go on. I know you are with child and that is hard but be strong. You should not care how he feels, clearly he does not care how you feel. I with you the best of luck.

Answer 7

Be strong! Tell him you know that he is being unfaithful and that you are not going to stand for it. Leave. You have a baby to think of and this child does not need a father who doesn't value committment. If he is truly the person you should be with, he will abandon his mistress and come to you. (Although why you would want to stay with a man who cheats on you is beyond me). The baby is the person you should be thinking of and that little bundle deserves better that him!

Answer 8

of course he gets defensive, he's most likely guilty. you have got to think about your baby now. Let the swine go.Tell him exactly why, and don't let him talk you into staying. He needs to get his head straight. He is 36 yrs old, he knows better than that, if he isn't a grown up yet, when will he be? Do you want him to be an influence on your child? Remember if it is a son, he will grow to be like his role model, if it is a daughter, she will end up with a man just like him....I know you don't want that.

Answer 9

No you shouldn't try to end it with no explanation, your pregnant with his child and you should confront him in a respectful way and be sure not to get so upset you start yelling, considered the babies health and life. Let him know tha way you feel and try to work things out and if it doesn't work out move on because you deserve better.

Answer 10

i hate to say what i am going to say, being that i am a guy. but listen up. 1st of all, when you do confront him, he will deny it.. if he doesn't deny it he will make all kinds of excuses, including blaming you. but the truth is this----men sleep around for one reason only. because we want to. we want something different. we want to be wanted by other women. we want some "strange". he will say all the things you want to hear for you to keep him. and he may change for a while, or hide it better. but he will not change and the damage is done and irrepairable. beleive that. you have a child on the way, that is and should be your only focus now. get him removed from your home if you live together, by the police if neccesary. file for child support asap. your child does not need to grow up in a volatile environment. you will be crushed. but the love you feel for your child will be amazing and powerful and will get you thru it, as will the great man you will eventually find. life will go on, but now you need to choose anew path for yourself, but espescially for your child. but do allow him to be a father, no matter what. let him see his child when he wants, etc.. but make sure he supports him/her. please heed my advice. good luck.