Why am I holding on to my ex??

Question

He is a deadbeat dad!! Never helped me with raising our son, nor did he even care when I was pregnant; never took me to my doctor's appointments, never brought me any food, he called me ONCE A MONTH to "see how i'm doing." Then things settled down and we saw each other secretly, he knows I'm always here for him and calls me in the middle of the night bc he has no one else to turn to. Basically, he's one of my priorities, but I'm always his last option. He puts me down so much emotionally, you wouldn't even beleive it. But i don't know why after all these years I still can't let go of the fckr....

Answer 1

It sounds to me like you are hanging on to the hope of what you would have liked him to be, not who he really is. I would stop answering the calls at night. You have raised your son on your own without him so far, you don't need him. Once you let him go and stop going to see him, (he will not change, even after all these years), stop answering his calls late at night, you will feel more free within yourself. If he must talk to you, he can be more respectful and call during the day like friends and family would normally call people.

I had an ex boyfriend who would call whenever he got dumped. Our relationship ended not well. He was jelous, possessive, but he was a nice guy. I wouldn't let him come over no matter how much he begged. Once you let go, you open yourself up to what God has in store for you. As long as you hang on to what will never be, you will not ever let your heart open for who it is intended down the road. You can still communicate on as needed basis as far as your son is concerned, if you must. Don't see him as you and him anymore. It hasn't been and people don't change unless they want to change. They can promise and promise, but promises can be broken endlesssly.

You deserve so much more happiness and respect than you are allowing. Hugs to you. You can let go of what you know isn't going to happen with this man. Once you let go of this man, what you want in a man will show up in the man God has in store for you. Work on yourself and being free and happy by yourself. It is actually nice to be alone once in a while and go out and do things with friends, volunteer to help others out, and do things with family that you don't normally do. Happy New Year. Let it be the year you start fresh.

Answer 2

Hi there !!
Honey you have to sit down and do a reality check in your life. It sounds to me like you need to respect yourself more, you are an important person, and you should not be selling yourself short for him or anyone for that matter.
He sounds very inmature and selfish. I would not waste my time if I were you with someone like him, I am sorry. Life is to short to allow others to use us as a doormat.
How is this that he calls you in the middle of the night because he has no one else to turn to ? Is this a booty call or a phone call? You do NOT want to get pregnant again with someone that showed you no respect or consideration.
You need to begin to change your enviroment. Change the people you hang out with. Read self help books, go to a phycologyst and pour your heart out.
Many times hard habits are hard to break away from, the unknown to many is harder than the hardship they are going through. I believe though that life is to short to be unhappy, we have to live life to its uttermost. We should give the best of ourselves in the relationships we are in, but with the same token it should not be a one way street in favor of the person we are involved in, it should be a compromise, where both parties involved give the best they have, and grow together in love and understanding.
Maybe you can get away from where you are and start anew. Do you have family in another town or state?
I would tell you to have a heartfelt talk with this man, but by the way he sounds by what you wrote,I would be careful, he will tell you what you want to hear, just to keep you for his selfish purpose. You are a mommy, remember that also, and everything you do has an impact on the lives of those children or child. You are their world, they depend on you. The lord choose you to be thier guide.
Changes can be scary, but if you look at the bigger picture, analyze what you have gone through with him, and what you invision for the future. Yes people can modify certain things, but how sure of this can we be.
Love is strange, and no one knows what is in a pot, only he who stirs it , so honey find a quiet spot in your home, and meditate, find peaceness within, remeber though that thoughts are things and that what we believe to be true in our lives, that it is.
You mentioned priorities, God should be number one, you should be second,( if you do not love yourself how can you truly love another person?) then your children should be third, and this guy, I don;t know but I would eliminate him from this list for now. You never know how things may turn out.
Wishing you find peace and resolution on this situation
Love light and peace

Answer 3

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Youmust be such a loyal person and very giving. Sometimes inlife we give mroe than we recieve. Honey, I urge you to read "He's Just not that into you" This book helped me break up with my Ex and move on to find some kind of "Normal". You appear to be very genuine and caring, weouldn't you rather spend the beautiful qualities God has givenyou onyour lovely son or even helping the less unfortunate. He needs help because he is taking your energy and strength for his own and leaving you weak. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS! God Bless andbe strong!

Answer 4

Its called love, Although you feel wronged by him he is still the father of your son and everytime you see your son your going to think of him and when he calls you even through all the pain he caused you your going to think of the good old days where he was there for you all the times when you were with him and felt happy even though its changed today. And even 30 years from now you will still think of him. You just need to accept it and move on with your life. fnd another guy and replace the empty feeling he caused. When its filled while you will still love him you wont need to see or hear from him.

Answer 5

You are holding on to your ex because you don't have anyone else to hold on to. This man used to wipe his feet on you, and you let him! And now you want him back. Well, this sure sets a bad example for your son in how to treat a woman. Find a decent guy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and tell mr ex to take a hike.

Answer 6

wow honey you need a hug i know its devastating to let go of loved ones but if there's no future then why hold on just move on with your life focus on you child let that be you priority and for that bastered he will come around as soon as he realizes what he had or could have had best of luck and take care of yourself xoxo

Answer 7

The dreams for your future & heart strings are attached to this man. As I found out in dealing with my on-again off-again b/f and feelings just as you're describing.....
....................."I wanted so much to believe in the dream of our love. If I loved enough, believed enough, shared & gave enough, was strong enough, good enough and worthy enough...my dream of our love would be reality instead of the nightmare it became.".................... Facing the truth is so f***ing painful....no matter how much you gave of yourself and heart....you couldn't and can't love him enough for both of you.

Please get some help through your family physician, self help group, even AA or NA because he is your addiction like mine is to me.
(Are you holding onto that minute of time when you and he are/were blissfully in love? and forgetting the years of crying painful agony when your heart was breaking?)

All I can suggest is that you write down your feelings in a journal...it helps and is always there to listen. (doesn't judge either). Attend some AA, NA or self help groups. (Listening to others doesn't make you feel so alone.) Come to terms with the reality of life NOW...and then give all the attention/effort/love and time you were devoting to this ex-----to youself and your son. Get out of the house with your son and do amazing adventurous things as a duo. You both deserve to be happy and rid your lives of the deadbeat who resides in the shadows of your nightmares.

YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!
There is Value to who you are!
LOVE YOU FIRST and your beautiful boy too.
You both deserve to be happy....

Answer 8

u cld help urself only if u gv urself a chance.
i guess u wld have read n listen many advice regarding this n hw to deal wit it. now, its up to u to deal with it, bringin up courage n handling the situation wise.

by the way, ur nt alone n do continue in being d strong person as u r. gd luck!

Answer 9

i guess u just miss his company u just miss him u just want someone there although he can be a total u know Wat but i guess this is something u need to figure out for yoUrself and u need to sort out Ur priorities for the first thing then sort out this guy because obviously u need to pick Ur life up from the ground piece by piece and if u do that then everything will fall into place and ur life will back to normal again.

Answer 10

Because you're still keeping in contact with him. You clearly care about him but you don't necessarily have to be in love with him. You can love someone but not like them. You're probally subconsciously being reminded of why you fell in love with him in the first place.