i'm stuck!?

Question

my parents were going to get divorced 3 years ago, but my dad said that he would change. Not to long ago, I was in my dad's office and I found a porn video. if I tell my mom about it she won't believe me because she's co-dependant and she'll listen to whatever my dad tells her. My 31 year old sister has tried to tell her a long time ago but she wouldn't listen. My dad just got mad at her. If I tell her, I'll just get in trouble for being in my dad's office. I don't want to get in trouble and have my dad's lie trick my mom what should I do!! (I'm 12)

and my dad is mean, all i want is them to be divorced, so my mom doesn't get hurt(emotionally) and so that he doesn;t hurt the rest of my family anymore(emotionally)

p.s. My older sister broke the dvd.

the problem is, my dad write books on sex, my sister says it's cause he's an addict, so he's say it for his book...probably

I've been talking to a shrink, but nothing's really changed

Answer 1

leave the porn video out where she will find it. Dont even say it was you who found it.

Answer 2

You Poor Child.I Am Real Sorry Things Are Hard On You Right Now.But You Must Know That There Is Not Much You Can Do As You Are Only A Child.I Think The Best Thing You Can Do Is Keep Talking To The Person You Are Talking To And Ask Her What She Thinks You Can Do.Also Don't Listen To Anything Mean People Say On Here.Good Luck Sweetie.

Answer 3

Finding a porn video isn't the same as finding him (your dad) in the arms of another woman.

Many men R into porn (married & unmarried) but it doesn't mean they cheat. It's just something men do. (and some women too!)
You might find it offensive ... but it's really none of your business.

It sounds like you don't like your dad ... but trying to break up your family isn't the best solution. He may have worries & problems you don't even know about. Try having a talk with him, get to know him better, let him know how you feel and let him know you would like his demeanor to change cause it doesn't make you feel very good.

The sooner you can confront him and talk to him .. adult to adult ... the sooner he will respect how you are and feel. I am sure he loves you very much and he's your father after all. Please don't wish him away ... you might regret it when you grow up.

Answer 4

wow, i can kind of relate with the whole fighting part, not with the rest of your situation(i don't mean to say that i know exactly how you're feeling)...but anyway maybe you should try to talk with both of your parents about their marriage...see if they're really happy and tell them how you feel about your feelings in the family. As for what you found out about your dad, unfortunately many men, even those who are married, do what he does. it's not decent but they're not cheating or anything like that. Instead talk with your mom especially about how you feel about your parents' relationship.

Answer 5

There probably isn't much you can do except be there emotionally for your mom. Apparently she believes strongly in "for better or worse" and this is definitely the worse for her. Lots of women stay with men who do even worse things to them. Sounds like your mom is so emotionally attached to this guy that she feels like it's too late to try to do anything.

I think it's very commendable what you are trying to do to educate your mom about this guy. Be brave and don't give up. Perhaps she'll eventually see what this guy is all about and change herself since she obviously can't change him (and it doesn't look like he's gonna change himself.

Stay strong and try not to let this bother you too much.

Answer 6

i'm sorry you are in that position hon. just ignore him. go and have fun with your friends and do what you enjoy and try not to worry about your parent's problems. your mom is an adult and has to make her own decision. she probably knows all about it and like you said she doesnt believe you or your sister so dont feel guilty or anything because there's nothing you can do. just ignore your crummy dad and concentrate on yourself.

Answer 7

let it go since your mom is codependent she (most likely) isn't going to listen and you'll only make trouble for yourself she may even know it but shes likely in denial over it and doesn't want to face the truth and anything you say will prob just become a hassle for all involved and if you are willing possibly pray about it and pray for God to give you the strength to let it go

Answer 8

Well I think your over reacting. It;s a porn movie lots of people watch them I watch them with my gf. Would you rather have him banging other chicks or watching a movie. Second of all have some respect. None of this would of been an issue if you hadn't gone through his things. Maybe the video's been there a long time. But it doesn't matter. Your scared of getting caught being in there but your sister breaks his movie? You don't think he's gonna notice? Your older sister is a prude no offense. Mind your own business loosen up and relax. I know your 12 you have alot to learn. If they going to get a divorce there going to do it you are not going to change it. But your gonna make it happen you keep starting trouble

Answer 9

Even if you can't talk to your mom you should talk to an adult you trust. Maybe you and your sister can sit with a counselor, teacher or clergy and talk about what is happening in your house.
Whether you change your parents situation, it is important to share your emotions with someone who can advise you.
Good luck.

Answer 10

tell your mom that she needs to believe someone that will tell the truth and some parents like to have that in thier hands and you no it could be your mom and your dads you really never no