how do i stay with a woman who is jealous and insecure?

Question

My fiancee is jealous and insecure about the women friends that i talk to. i have a lot of female friends. I talk to them. don't want to sleep with them. I don't go out unless i am with her. i go to work, church then back home. i don't have time to hang out because i am in fear of being accused of cheating. so all the women i talk to i let them know first and foremost i have a woman and i am in love with her so if you try to get in the way of that, i can no longer be your friend. I am no no weak man. by all means, i am a strong, edcuated, college degreed black man with a career and benefits(lol). what should i do?

Answer 1

What do you mean when you say talk to them? If you mean you give them intimate details about your personal life .....this is WRONG and a betrayal of trust. If you mean you come in contact with them at work and talk about the weather, this is normal. If you love this woman, she needs to feel like she is the one and only one. If she catches you looking at other women or flirting with other gals, then she is going to feel threatened. If you are planning on marriage with this lady, it would be good to resolve this issue now. If you are out to lunch with other girls at work it would not be appropriate for an engaged man to do anything that threatens the security of your perspective bride. How would you like it if she confided in other men besides you? The more secure you make her, the happier both of you will be!
My daddy used to say, "If mama aint happy, nobody gonna be happy!" My daddy was a wise man. My parents were married 35 years before he died. He must have known something!

Answer 2

Unfortunately, when you start dating someone, you have to accept them "as is". It is really hard to change your behavior, and it has to be something you're really committed to. If she sees her jealous behavior as normal, you will have to accept that staying with her more than likely means you will always have to be "in fear of being accused of cheating" when you step out the door, pick up the telephone, open an envelope, or get on the internet.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can to help her see that you are committed to her. It also sounds like you want to stay with her and help work things out. I think it's more of a matter of luck at this point.

If I were you, I'd try not to set a date for the wedding until you've gone through couples counseling. She might have dated a guy or two before you who gave her good reason to feel jealous and insecure and couples counseling might help her see that you don't deserve this constant suspicion.

If couples counseling does seem to help her deal with her insecurities and she's no longer constantly questioning your motives, I think your marriage stands a much better chance. You might then try helping her become friends with some of your closer female friends, so she feels like she's part of the group.

If it doesn't help her, well, you need to accept that by marrying her, you might end up being 84 years old in a nursing home and having her poke you with her cane because she thinks that spry 97 year old woman is trying to put the moves you because her room is two doors down the hall.

In that case, I think you'd probably be happier finding someone who not only appreciates you, but is willing to trust you. Coming home to 50+ years of random accusations of cheating would even wear a saint to the breaking point.

Answer 3

I am one of those girls, so the best thing I can tell you is to make sure you do that same thing while you two are together as in introducing her first to friends(especially female) so she feels 100% included. Compliment her, sometimes thats all it takes, Always invite her to come with you places. And last but not least don't let her watch the Maury Povich show or Cheaters.And she might have some jealous friends that fill her head full of B-S!Good Luck

Answer 4

Talk to her and let her know that she is your only one. If that don't work then you have choices to make her or your female friends you will have to decide to keep the peace. No it isn't fair but you can't go into a marriage that is a life long commintment with all the bickering...I am a wife myself. I know how things are. Every women finds every other women a threat. and Noone wants to be hurt so i understand her.. She must have been hurt before. If you truely love her you will do what it takes to make the most of your happy relationship even if that means dumping potiental risks...

Answer 5

First why have too many lady friends to begin with, you should limit your contact with lady friends just to common fiends that are known
to your finance. Your attention should be to the lady you are about to spend your life with. You could be strong and educated but where there is a temptation you would show your weakness, even you attempted to stay clean. The other way be upfront and assure her
you are loyal to her till the end. If every thing does not work see your
pastor for advice make sure you take her with you. Good luck

Answer 6

Have a talk with her maybe. Swear to her that you wouldn't sleep with any girl even if it meant your life. She should be able to trust you if you're going to be married to her. One of the major things in marriage is trust, and if that's going to be a problem then she'll rip your marriage apart all because of a few female friends. Does she know your friends? Maybe have them get together or something while you stay at home, have them go see Happy N' Ever After. I hear that's a good movie. Or Night at the Museum. If she actually knew your friends then she probably won't be as insecure as she used to be.

Answer 7

Insecurity/jealousy is natural. I remember dating this one girl who was really crazy & just swore I was cheating on her. (Which is hilarious to me, b/c she drove me nuts I actually did to avoid her.... go figure) She's basically wondering in her head how she's picked up such a great catch & what she is doing to keep you. Or she's been burnt so many times it'll take a Looooong time for her to trust you. Either way you can wait this out & see if this will work itself or honestly, you'll need to close up shop & stop talking to your friends that are girls. Yes, it sucks, but honestly, if you do not, this will always be a sore point until you break up with her.

Answer 8

jealousy among women is very common especially she loves u too much n scares of u running away 4 tackling another woman.since she's ur fiancee u r better bring her along attending party,chatting with friends n going shopping in order to let her know that u r okay n good to her,then she w'd be open minded one day.u should be honest to her is very important here.at this moment u got no choice but just listen to her,as far as love concerns.

best wishes n happy new year.

Answer 9

Hey my man is very jealous and insecure.Thats where jealousy comes from insecurity.It took me years to get him to stop and i only ended up changing me myself.I blamed it on him being cuban .These were just exuses for myself now 13yrs. later I cant take no more.I have asked him for a divorce. I want to be me more educated and have a life with friends.I am not weak or some white woman with no sense,ok maybe I waited to long but I wanted to give him a chance to change-goodluck to you I hope you have better luck but I wouldn't marry until that part gets fixed.

Answer 10

most women are insecure because men give them a reason tot think that way and most of the time it because the man is doing dirt, now would you be able to handle it if your fiancee had alot of male friends, how would you feel, take her feelings into consideration talk to her about it ask her what bring on the insecurities