I have been engaged for 6 months, the ring I gave to my fiancee is a family heirloom, it belonged to my great grandmother. It's a nice sized diamond and it has a flower like design aroung the diamond. My Fiancee likes the ring and appreciates it's history, but doesn't feel like it's something she would wear and wants to change it. I'm very torn. Another issue I have is that money is tight, so me buying another ring is out of the question. She has the money to buy the new ring, but that seems wrong to me. I could afford to have it re-set but that also feels wrong. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
2007-01-04 16:54:06 · 17 answers · asked by derryn_m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
OK this is an engagement ring right?
I am always wondering why women get so caught up with thier rings...and I am female and dont get it.
Tell her it isnt the ring that marks the engagement but rather the commitment within the engagement that matters...same with wedding rings but....
Since she most likely wants a nice wedding ring make sure she picks out the wedding ring. Be honest with her that you cant afford a new ring but you gave her that ring because it meant something to you and you wanted to share it with her.
Ask her "do want a ring to symbolize our love or you want a ring to show off to your friends?" Because if its the latter then it shouldnt matter what it looks like.
If she really persist then honestly I would at the very least postpone the wedding at figure out if you are marrying a high maintenance girl.
2007-01-04 17:14:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
All this fuss over a RING? You guys really have your priorities upside down it seems. If she has the money to buy the ring she wants - just go for it. Go and pick it out together. How can it be "wrong" when you're getting married anyway, and the money will all be essentially combined together anyhow, one way or another? You have to start thinking "ours" instead of "hers" and "mine". Another possibility would be for you to go into debt and buy her a new ring - but what sense does it make? This debt will in essence become hers as well when you two are married. I agree with you that resetting a family heirloom is not the right thing to do. IMO, the most sensible thing is to simply pick out a new ring if it is something she can afford at this time.
2007-01-04 17:05:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We did something like this.
I was given a beautiful engagement ring. I loved it but knew it was something I didn't/couldnt wear with my everyday job.
I wore the engagement ring while we were engaged. We then chose another one...for our wedding. I still have the engagement ring and I do where it on special occasions.
Keep the heirloom....don't change a thing about it. Keep it as the engagement ring however switch rings when you get married.
If she wants to pay for it, let her. You are going to be one...so it really shouldnt make a difference where the money comes from.
Its the meaning.
I respect her for being honest. If she held this in and you didnt have a open door for communication I would be more worried.
Best wishes
2007-01-04 21:38:09 · answer #3 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your Fiancee expects you to re-set an engagement ring that your grandmother wore I feel as though your family would resent this woman you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. I tend to lean towards wondering if your Fiancee lacks some respect for your family's history as well as your wallet. Have you wondered what your future will hold with someone who lacks the same taste as you? Do you wonder what else will be asked of you? Specifically I knew a wonderful person who presented his girlfriend with a gorgeous round cut ring in a platinum setting. She took him to Tiffany's the next day and picked out a terribly expensive ring. He took her rejection of his ring as a positive sign that they were un-fit for one another. So instead of wasting more time, money and frustration on this woman who just couldn't be pleased by his efforts, he asked for his rejected ring back and set out on a new path. He now has a new Fiancee and she is me.
2007-01-05 17:25:06 · answer #4 · answered by T. K 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand her wanted to change it if perhaps you were tight on money at the time and went out and bought one that she did not care for, but this one is significant to you and your family and that should mean a lot to her. Present this question to her and see how she reacts. If she can't get over something like an engagement ring how is she going to handle every other hurdle that comes with marriage? That ring should be worn out of love, not because of some fashion statement.
2007-01-04 17:04:51 · answer #5 · answered by 2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't mess with your grandmother's ring...you will regret it. If you fiancee doesn't want to wear it, then tell her that she's going to have to wait for you to save up the money to buy another ring for her. Let her pick it out this time though. If she respects you, she won't get the ring herself. But whatever you do don't mess with the grandmother's ring. Maybe she feels weird for wearing another woman's engagement ring? Maybe she could wear it on her right hand and then when you save up enough money, you can get her one to wear on her left hand. Hope this helps. Good luck and congratulations.
2007-01-04 17:08:03 · answer #6 · answered by Elizabeth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't change the ring; it's an heirloom. Sounds like you may have to change the girl, if she doesn't appreciate what she is given. Guess she missed the mature point that an engagement ring is a symbol.
2007-01-04 23:30:50 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not a good sign. Taking the ring off is basically the equivalent of breaking up. It may be temporary while she cools down, but it is not a habit she should continue. My ex took her ring off in anger once and I swore to myself if she did it again it was over (hence why she's an ex). Fights happen in all relationships, you just have to work through them. If you get married and get in a fight neither of you can run away, you have to stay and face the anger. If she's still running to her mom down the road, you should run in the opposite direction.
2016-03-29 08:31:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Seti in that if she wants to pay for a new ring then let her pay for it, as after marriage it all becomes "our" money rather than "your money" or "my money". I am sure she appreciates the sentiment behind the ring, perhaps you should keep it and pass it on to any future children that you may have. Or if she will never ever wear it then best to return it to the family so that it can be passed on to someone who will wear it.
2007-01-05 00:14:40 · answer #9 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she doesn't like it, take the ring back! She can do without an engagement ring then, just get the wedding band. She is rude and disrespectful not only to you but to your family and tradition. Think twice sir!
2007-01-05 14:03:09 · answer #10 · answered by Rhode Island Red 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋