My son is 19 and wants to go to Florida with his girlfriend, who is expecting a baby in July. Her mother lives there, and they think she is going to help them find a job, buy a car, etc. I am totally freaked about him leaving. I would rather have them move in here with me and my other 2 kids. Should I let him go, or put my foot down? I am so scared after they get there, the girls mom will put my son out, and it is so far away. We live in Michigan right now.
2007-01-04 15:47:14 · 17 answers · asked by Diabla's daughter 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
When I was 18 I went to Florida with my boyfriend against my parents wishes. I cried everyday until he brought me home. I am back in my very small hometown at 22 with two kids and happily married (4 yrs in 9 more days) to the man I ran away with~ I never regret what we did together. We are still very young now but since we have had kids and settled alot we still like to sit and laugh about our "move" to florida. We drove back on a doughnut tire, $40 to our name, and a tank of gas... I will always cherish that memory. Don't butt in too much I know you worry and care but they can take care of themselves on way or the other and it will only make them closer. The hard times seem to make the best memories. Try to remember when you were that age. and wish me luck when I am asking the same questions 15 - 18 yrs from now when my boys are ready to leave me..
2007-01-04 18:27:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can put your foot down, but if he's 19 yrs. old, he can leave anyway. It's hard letting your children leave the nest, but here's what you need to do. Tell him you love him and want the best for him and his new family. Give him a phone card so he can call you if he ever needs help. Put a little money away to buy him a plane ticket home if he ever needs it. But don't stop him from going because he has to grow up now. He has a baby on the way. Call the girls mother and try to become friends (as much as you can) over the phone. Let her know she can call you if the kids need any help or if they are having any problems. He will be fine. Let go.
2007-01-04 16:02:18 · answer #2 · answered by truthseeker221 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with your son and tell him about your fears and concerns. Explain to him his OTHER option, but don't make it sound like you're going to try to do things that you know you can't. It may just be that since the girls family lives so far away her mother wants her there so that she can see the baby. If thats the case, when the kids get down there, they'll see whats really going on. But you don't want to risk him being stuck. I'd suggest that if he DOES go down, start putting a little money aside in case you need to help him out a little. A lot of people think that is a horrible idea, but it would look great on you if you were there to help your son out in his time of need. And then, if things work out for him in the long run and you don't need to send him the money, you'll have a little extra money that you could split among your other two children or use to buy yourself something special.
2007-01-04 18:09:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's nineteen. He's an adult. He can do whatever he wants. If he has his High School diploma, you’ve done the best you can as a parent. That’s all you can ask for.
Support him! Let him know that he always has a place to come home to. Keep in touch via phone, email, or letter. Try to keep in touch/develop a relationship with his girlfriend and his mom. Woman work better together then separate. This way you know how their relationship is going. You can point him in the right direction. As far as "putting your foot down"--don't! He'll resent you and probably still move in spite of you.
Also, remember this woman could be the one. Do you want to start that relationship with animosity? I don't think so. Think of it if you were her--would you prefer having a child with your mother or MIL around? I'm sure with your own mother.
If you are understanding, considerate, and communicating as much as possible I'm sure everything will work out well in the end!
Best of Luck!
2007-01-04 15:58:03 · answer #4 · answered by .vato. 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's 19 and can legally do whatever he wants to do. He's about to be a father, so he can morally do whatever he needs to do to take on that role and to be a man.
To answer your question, I was 18 when I moved out of my parents' house. I had a full time job, paid all my own bills and put myself through college. In some countries, 16 year olds are of legal age, and it wasn't that long ago in this country that 14-16 year olds were getting married.
I think this isn't about how old should he be. It's about how much you love him and want to help him and are going to miss him. I would try to keep that in mind as this situation progresses. Don't "put your foot down" or bully or nag him. Just keep telling him what you told us - "I'm scared. I'm freaked out. It's so far away." Maybe add, "I'll miss you so much. I want to see the baby. I want to help you. I love you." That's all you can do. It's his life, now.
2007-01-04 17:03:38 · answer #5 · answered by Torchbug 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answers given are all great for the most part! I'm a parent whose eldest didn't move out till he was 30. We had to gently push him out. He's ok but still having difficulty finding a career track yet. He is a college graduate also, but doesn't seem to matter these days! Anyway we gave him very little to take with him as he moved out of state and it would be costly to get a mover. He is managing nicely and seems to be realizing that he can do it and he's not so scared to be on his own any longer. We offer lots of support but he knows now that since we've retired he needs to rely on himself and get it together. Ask your parent for emotional support. That 's what they want from you. You will be proud of whatever you do as long as it's within the law and you keep out of trouble. Be cautious but friendly to new acquaintances and you may even make a new best friend. Most importantly know that your parents are there for you.
2016-05-23 04:54:47 · answer #6 · answered by Deborah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly at the age of 19 you cannot "put your foot down" He is an adult and having to deal with the responsibility of having a pregnant girlfriend. He is doing the right thing and sticking by him. Rather than lay guilt on him for moving tell him how proud you are that he is doing the right thing and after he leaves cry a bucket full and start saving money to go see him
2007-01-04 20:44:12 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough call considering there is a baby involved. I would have him stay home for a while; get a good job and save some money first. At least that way, if things don't work out in Florida, he will have the financial backing.
However, in general, it's not a matter of age, but rather a matter of finance. I moved out at 22, and moved back home 6 month later because I couldn't afford it. I was working part-time and attending school full-time. It became too much. School was much more important then living in my own apartment, when I was welcome to live at home rent free.
While someone may have the maturity to take care of themselves, they have to have the right tools financial to do so.
2007-01-04 16:44:37 · answer #8 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Age is not the determining factor here. Your son will soon be a father and if he believes that Fla will help him create a family unit let him go.. Your concerns are justified and things can go wrong, but to bully him into staying will not help him grow. If he is put out he can come home. You have been his safety net for 19yrs why stop now!
Good luck!!!!
2007-01-04 16:21:43 · answer #9 · answered by bamaglory 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I moved out at 18. It is different for every kid I think. I have an adult cousin who still lives with his parents (has never left home) and is now approaching age 40. His parents think its just fine and dandy. I don't think that would work with me.
2007-01-04 16:31:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋