OK so I have a problem. My fiance has two sisters...they both have little girls. I asked the 3year old mother if her daughter would be my flower girl. She said yes. Well about a month later the other sister the one with the 1 year old told me that I hurt her feeling for not asking her daughter to be in it. And she said she was going to get a dress made that looked like the flower girl dresses and her daughter could hand out something. ????......I was really upset about this because she invited her daughter to be in the wedding. I told her that that was fine and that her daughter could hand out something but what could I say??? but Im having second thought.. I couldnt say no when she was right there..I want to tell her sorry I only want the people in the wedding that I have chosen and I dont want your daughter to wear the same dresses as my flower girls but I dont know how to say it. But the woman invited herself to be in it....the little girl cant even walk yet.PLEASE HELP!
2007-01-04 15:42:26 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
That was completely inconsiderate and rude of her. You have the right to choose who is in your wedding. I am engaged also and I know how it feels to wish you could choose everyone and not hurt feelings but it's just not possible, and I understand why you reacted the way you did when she said it because you were caught off-guard. I think you can either let it slide if you think saying something will cause more drama than it is worth, or have your fiance confront her about it because it's his sister. He could be really nice about it and say "You know, we've thought about it a lot and everything is going to work out best if we stick to our original plan - we love you and your daughter but unfortunatley we feel she's just too young to participate." I'm sure she'll still be offended and give a hard time, but ultimatley you can have your wedding the way you want it. A one year old is too young to do anything constructive in a wedding - she won't be able to hand anything out and is too young to even appreciate the experience. I don't think it's even fair to the kid who will have no idea what's going on. I also think the mom is probably just hoping she'll get attention during the wedding, through her daughter. This situation is really hard, but good luck!
2007-01-04 15:50:34 · answer #1 · answered by CompGeek1228 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First, it was really rude of her to invite herself and her daughter to participate in your wedding, and I say herself because if her daughter can't even walk, I'm assuming her mother will carry her down the aisle.
Second, it's your wedding and you can have or not have whatever you want.
Last, you had to know that something like this would happen when you asked one sister to participate and not the other. That was just asking for this exact kind of problem. Personally, I don't understand people having little kids in the wedding anyway because they never do what they're supposed to and a kid running around throwing flowers in the middle of a wedding isn't cute, it's just annoying.
You want to solve the problem quickly and easily? Tell both sisters that you don't want either of them or their kids in the wedding if it's going to cause heartburn and issues so that you can all get off on the right foot. Then move ahead with your wedding plans and don't look back.
2007-01-04 23:48:22 · answer #2 · answered by rotaadmiral88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, I feel your pain.....you need to tell her, the sooner the better. This is your wedding, you decide. Explain that you didn't mean any offense by not asking, but the child is just to young to be able to participate in the ceremony. Find something else for the child to be a part in-or something that will make the mother feel important. Do a little something extra just for the mother. Like do some pre-wedding shopping with just her, or get your nails done together or something.
If she is a total ***** about it, then forget it. She will look like an ***, not you. You are the Bride-to-be, let everyone know to expect a little Bridezilla :)
Maybe you could comprimise on the the dress thing, if the child isn't in the ceremony like you want, but still has a similar dress on, what would it really matter? Maybe that's all the sister wants?? Not sure just throwing it out there.
Good luck.
2007-01-04 23:58:55 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow. That is what I call a crisis. Just tell her that the baby girl could hold the flower girls dress and since she doesn't know how to walk say that to the other sister. "I love your daughter. She is very pretty. I'm sorry though that I chose the other girl to be the flower girl. It's just that was the first thing I had in mind and plus your daughter can not walk yes. If you want we can work something out that she can do by herself and have her own shining moment. I love both girls but please just understand this is what I want for my wedding with you brother." Don't look down while you talk and if you are sitting don't cross your legs. stay as confident as possible. This is what you want so stick with it. I hope you have a great wedding and GL!
2007-01-04 23:48:55 · answer #4 · answered by Cutie_Pie6464 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your fiance' should address the problem because it is his sister and he will probably know exactly how to deal with her without hurting her feelings. Your wedding is supposed to be about your HAPPINESS-so don't let anyone take that away. Maybe her daughter could help hand out the wedding's Order of Service with someone,if you do not figure anything out.You definitely don't want to have problems with his family before you two are married.Good Luck.
2007-01-05 01:56:01 · answer #5 · answered by RoxieC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to your fiancee and see what he says. If he agrees with you, get him to talk to his sister and say "hey we really wanted like a 3 year old age limit in our wedding, she can wear the same dress to match for pics, but i don't think it'll work out for her to go down the aisle since she can't walk and won't be able to stand or sit quietly w/o disrupting." Maybe something like that.
I know weddings can't always have everything the bride wants and you have to be flexible with some things. And you are trying to make everyone happy. Believe me they all won't be happy no matter what you do, but they have to understand whose day it is. They done had their day or will in the future. I have been married almost 7 years and to this day I regret letting people tell me what to do and not to do in my wedding. Sometimes I wish i would have just eloped when i look at my pics and remember things. You are the one that will look back on memories of your wedding, nobody else will care in 5 years but you.
2007-01-05 00:13:13 · answer #6 · answered by HunkaburninLuv 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to put your foot down. You don't need to be mean but you do need to be firm. Explain to this woman that her daughter is too young and that is why you did not ask her to be in the wedding. Explain that you already have things planned a certain way and that you do not feel comfortable having the toddler in the ceremony. Let her know that you are not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but you have things planned a certain way. It is YOUR day and it is up to YOU. This woman sounds a bit tactless to just invite her daughter into the wedding. She may walk away with hurt feelings but she is being very unreasonable.
2007-01-04 23:46:07 · answer #7 · answered by Amelia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
simple answer - let the mother know you didn't ask her daughter to be in the wedding due to her age - and that you should have said something long ago about why you didn't ask her daughter to be in the wedding.... now, after saying that before the sis-in-law can say anything let her know you think the one year old wearing matching dresses is wonderful idea!!! who cares if the little one has matching dress - it will be cute and you'll have saved the day...
BTW - your soon to be husband should have intervened on this one since it is his sisters..... if he is staying out of it don't let him off the hook - he should be with you when you tell the mom, dress is cool, walking down isle isn't cool and you don't think its a good idea to have her hand something out since that job is already being handled....
2007-01-04 23:50:18 · answer #8 · answered by D. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest but nice, say I didn't ask you not because I don't think highly of you or your daughter but because she is too young. I really am sorry i hurt your feeling but this is my wedding and I would really prefer not to have someone carry her down the isle and just to have the traditional flower girl. Please don't be hurt it is nothing personal. Possibly get your fiance involved with it it is after all his sister and he knows how to approach her better than you.
This is your wedding and you shouldn't have to be bullied because someone didn't approve of your decision. Your special day your the queen and you give the orders.
2007-01-04 23:47:02 · answer #9 · answered by Lillithin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest, she is not even old enough to be in a wedding, she can barely walk. I would just tell her that your just going to have the 3 y/o and the people that you have chosen. I would apologize for hurting her feelings, even though you didn't do anything you still have to deal with her. She will eventually get over it. It is your wedding not hers.
2007-01-04 23:47:24 · answer #10 · answered by *sexy mocha* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋