hi again ladies,
well i got a question for the ladies and the men even, my gal has decided she wants to be best friends with benifits but is terrified of commitment , she loves me (wich i know to be true) but wants to be free to live a life of her own choosing and see me occasionally and be the best of friends with life but also sleep together, she calls it kiss- keep it simple, she can not and will not want a difficult time as we have been thru enough as a couple.
how can a guy who wants to spend his life with her settle for second best with a woman that cant commit?, and why do women fear commitment when at the same time they want to feel safe and loved? how should i treat the situation so i dont frighten her away, which is the last thing i want to do.. any advice??
2007-01-04 15:38:16 · 8 answers · asked by Shaun 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
tell her fcuk off and find someone who actually wants to be with you
2007-01-08 02:57:08 · answer #1 · answered by v 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's my take on friends with benefits - if two people are matue, consenting adults and both understand that the relationship is about sex and only sex and still want to go ahead with it, then have fun, play safe. However, you need to know that a sexually based relationship is just that, and transforming it into something else just isn't going to work.
Your girl has been upfront with you about what she wants and now it's up to you decide if you can settle for this or not. She wants to "kiss" but you failed to define that last 's' for what it means - stupid. Which, unfortunately, is what you would be if you settle for something that you clearly don't want. It's your turn to be honest with her, tell her how you feel and what you want - and then be prepared to walk away if she can't accept that. Tell her that when she decides she can commit and if you are available at the time, then you guys can see if you can work it out. Value yourself as being someone worth having the relationship you really want!
Sorry dude, I know you don't want to frighten her but you need to put yourself first and being miserable in a relationship - you wanting more that she's prepared to give you - is not going to make you happy and you deserve better than that.
As for why women fear commitment? Same reasons guys do - they are afraid to take a risk/get hurt/be rejected, low self-esteem, etc. etc. etc. I'm a big believer in the "he's not that into you" theory, which btw, goes both ways, and if you are really care about someone, you will do what you need to to overcome your fears and make a good go of the relationship.
2007-01-04 15:53:41 · answer #2 · answered by K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's holding back thats not good in any relationship. If your best friends, you should be able to talk about anything. You don't judge one another, you feel comfortable and trust one another.
Just let her know your there for her, but don't pass anything up for yourself in the mean time. Your making her feel loved and safe already, shes happy with that. (She might change her tune if she knows your not going to be there forever.) Let her know your way more than that. If something has gone bad in a past relationship for her, thats what you have to find out and make better. (if thats what the problem is) If she wont communicate, then you can't find it out, and it will just stay where it's at.
Don't beat around the bush, life shouldn't be a guessing game, your not happy with the way things are, but she is, that's selfish. Tell her how you feel, she should understand if your best friends. You both should be happy!
2007-01-04 16:30:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't want to make a commitment, and if you want one, your not going to be happy with this arrangement.
Yes, I agree with the other member that she does want her cake and eat it. Perhaps her last relationship was such that she has decided never to put herself in a committed ralationship again.It's her choice.
You have two choices:- either accept it or move on.
2007-01-04 17:49:36 · answer #4 · answered by animalwatch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
KISS actually stands for
Keep
It
Simple
Stupid
Looks like you can't spot that the last word applies to you. You are being given the push, but nicely.
Give it up now, you stand no future chance.
2007-01-04 15:48:19 · answer #5 · answered by Billybean 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she wants her cake and get to eat it too!
You must be a sucker, that's all I can say.
You deserve better, she's a waste of your time.
What a shallow cow.
Move on.
There's someone out there for you.
2007-01-04 15:42:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are on a loser or you must be patient untill you can prtove that you can support her without fear. ie have lots of money.
2007-01-04 15:42:23 · answer #7 · answered by Boscombe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be her friend and give her the benefits but look around for a girl that will be willing to give you what you need
2007-01-04 15:50:34 · answer #8 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋