My boyfriend who i live with. Well we live with his grandparents just broke up with me. I had a bad misscarriage 3 weeks ago and now he has decided that he doesnt know if its true love and doesnt want to be making a mistake. He wont tell me for sure he just says i need time dont move out but he wont even give it a chance and work on it he just wants me to still live here and wait on him to make up his mind. Not to mention he still expects sex and says well better i get it from you than someone else. Is this fair to me or should i just leave for good?
2007-01-04 15:35:36 · 16 answers · asked by colesmama118 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like you're in a bad situation. From the information that you have provided it seems as if your boyfriend isn't "boyfriend" material, or let's say he's a complete jerk. How dare him have doubts about 'true love' because of your miscarriage. Maybe your miscarriage wasn't for him to stop and question, maybe it's a chance for you to pack up your bags and leave. If you look at it with a different light, it's a wake up call for you, not him. He doesn't sound like he's on top of things, don't wait around for someone who isn't sure about you. You either love, or don't love someone... there is no if's, but's or and's. If I were in your shoes, I would leave. Just hearing those words out of a guys mouth should be a red flag, and you don't want to be burnt anymore than those words, right? I hope this helps you figure out what you need to do. If you do decide to leave him, it's for the best and it will hurt in the beginning... but you'll pull through it and realize that you were meant for someone better. Someone who actually owns a place of his own perhaps? Goodluck sweety. And if you need to talk e-mail me: filmgrl56@yahoo.com
2007-01-04 15:42:32 · answer #1 · answered by TalkingTomato 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
of course it's not fair to you! You may love your boyfriend, but a man who would leave you 3 weeks after a miscarriage is the worst guy you could find. Plus, what are you doing having children before being married to him?
Don't wait for him, go stay with family, and start your life again. Enjoy every day, hang out with friends, start doing things that you love...and when he sees the wonderful time you're having, he'll come crawling back to you. If he doesn't, then he wasn't worth it, and you deserve better.
It's possible that it was a big shock to him when you had the miscarriage, and his reaction was breaking up with you. don't give up right away, and talk to him while putting his emotions first. ask him how he felt when he found out about the miscarriage, and figure out where this negative behavior is coming from.
If he's telling you to stay put and give him sex, he doesn't see you as a valuable treasure anymore...he just views you as an object that he can use when he wants to. By creating some distance between you, and by making yourself unavailable to him, you're showing him that it's not ok to treat you like an object.
It's possible that'll solve your problems! But if he still has no respect for you, then you deserve to live your life to its fullest. The right man for you is supposed to raise you to new levels of happiness and make your life better. A man who pulls you down is the wrong guy for you.
2007-01-04 23:43:36 · answer #2 · answered by julka323 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness sweetie... Just leave! I cannot believe that guys are such pigs. And HE sounds like a pig. I think that you should just leave. He is sure to make up his mind then. If he says he would get it from someone else if you didnt give it then more than likely he already is getting it from someone else. It really and truely sounds to me like he is just using you for sex since it seems thats the only thing that he isnt confused about. Please pack your things and tell him that you have wants and needs too and that he is being very selfish and it is not fair to you. No girl deserves to be hurt in the way that he is hurting you. There is guys out there that will love to be with a girl like you and treat you right. Make up his mind for him and just find happiness for yourself. Life is short. I know that you may love him but think of it like this... You give and show him love each day ... what do you get in return... Good luck
2007-01-04 23:43:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your miscarriage. That alone has to be hard on you. Right now, you needed him the most and he turns his back on you saying that he does not know if this is true love or not. People say and do things with out taking into consideration whose feelings they hurt. But, by you staying there, you are allowing this to happen. You see that he is not trying to work things out and that you are a convenience for him. If he is not with you and he does not love you, then it should not be of your concern with whom he has sex with. You are not some piece of meat. I'm sure you know in your heart that you should just move on. He lacks the respect you deserve.
2007-01-04 23:49:48 · answer #4 · answered by Adriels Mom 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The stress and trauma from the miscarriage is probably messing with both of you. I don't know if you two wanted to have children of it was unexpected, but I suspect that it has something to do with this sudden change. I've seen this happen before to someone close to me. He changed after her miscarriage and didn't want to be with her anymore. He was really hurting, and seeing her kept reminding him of the baby they lost. But that might not be your situation. I would move out or find some friends/family you can stay with. Start living for yourself and he can move on and you reconcile great. But if you don't. Well...that's life.
2007-01-04 23:41:06 · answer #5 · answered by Kurius_Kitten 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay dont even get me started on guys saying oh just wait til i figure out what i want yeah i know what you want your cake and eat it too but hun you have to be a smart woman and stop him from having any more cake he is not worht is at all the way it sounds sorry for your miscariage but maybne it was a sign from god saying this ainthe right on e take care sweetie
2007-01-04 23:39:05 · answer #6 · answered by angel tears 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE!! Don't put up with that bullshit. I lived with guys before that ended up saying "we aren't together, we just live together" but then just got pissed when I went out with other guys and told me to leave. Try it, go on a date, see what happens. He can't have his cake and eat it to, he needs to make a choice now.
2007-01-04 23:39:11 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oleave him alone, I would move out, and he definitely shouldn't be getting any. What if he never makes up his mind, how long are you willing to wait, Is it worth it, Why is he even saying something like that to you after something as tragic as that. He sounds like he wants his freedom and you should give it to him.
2007-01-04 23:40:30 · answer #8 · answered by *sexy mocha* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the miscarriage is causing him to rethink things and I'm sure he is hurting from it. I would try and talk with him and see if he will open up.
2007-01-04 23:38:29 · answer #9 · answered by Jason 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he really loved you, and you have just had a miscarriage, he wouldn't be putting this emotional crap on you, rather he would be supporting you, caring about your needs and giving you lots of love and support and time to heal and come to terms with your loss.
I would tell him to bugger off and get yourself a real man who can respect a woman.
Any guy who loves you with his penis more than his heart ain't worth your time babe.
just my thoughts....
2007-01-04 23:38:28 · answer #10 · answered by darklydrawl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋