Though I trust god, why does he not want me to have a wife?

Question

I made a wish this year - not a resolution, but just a wish. I asked god if he could find me a wife.

The problem is, I'm unsure what a wife or a potential wife would want from me. I'm 45, a little overweight, a recovering alcoholic and have had lots of girlfriends in my life. I wanted to marry the last one, but I screwed it all up by drinking and cheating on her. I never want to go back there again.

I've never been married before, and find alot of women are looking for a second or third husband and think that there is something wrong with me.

I did start a multi-million dollar software company, which failed in 2003, but I'm trying again. (I started it in 1987 when i got sober the first time)

What do you think is wrong with this picture. Do you think I'd never find a wife? That's what I want most from life.

What can I do to make myself attractive enough so that some woman that I'm equally attracted to will marry me?

Answer 1

Bill, God does not always answer our prayers when we think He should. He is not on our timetable. There may be reasons why God does not give you a wife right now. Maybe you are not ready to be faithful to one woman? Cheating on ones spouse is a very serious thing in the Bible. People were stoned to death for adultery in the Old Testament. This gives us some insight into how serious God considers this sin. Anyway, that is not to say that you will not find a wife. Maybe in due time when you have addressed your issues you will find favor with God and he will lead you to just the right woman. I have found that when you are not looking is when the right one usually shows up. Do not give up and keep praying the Lord would lead you to the one He has for you. There is also a website called eharmony.com, this is a website that has many Christian singles and they give you a free compatibility profile test. They match you on different levels of compatibility. You may want to check it out. God knows what you want and when the time is right, will lead you to the lady He wants you to be with. In the meantime, examine yourself and determine if there are any issues that you need to resolve before you start a serious relationship. The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds favor with God. I am praying that you find favor and the Lord will bless you with the desires of your heart. God bless you, Bill!

Answer 2

From your post, it sounds like you're looking down on, and feeling sorry for yourself. It's said that alcoholics are "egomaniacs with an inferiority complex", and I do hear a bit of that.

Work on yourself. do the steps if you haven't. When you get to step four, remember that there is black ink as well as red. No-one's all bad.

Here's an idea for you. "True humility is recognizing our strengths as well as our weaknesses, and working to cultivate the former and transform the latter".

Women want confident, not boistrous men. Most can spot false confidence though. Take a bit of time and cultivate your assets. Transform (or turn over) your defects. Start doing things that put you into contact with healthy women. Do some of the things that you once wanted to, but never got around to.... theatre, music, etc. Get in touch with people.

If you're building a business, join the local chamber of commerce and attend the networking events. Get a hobby that has a social aspect. If you just sit around and wait for God to plop a woman in your path, I think you'll wait a long time. God doesn't run e-harmony. God + action tends to work a lot better.

There is this story of a man who prayed every night... "God, PLEASE let me win the lottery." Finally one night, after the prayer, he hears a voice that says "Help me out a bit... buy a ticket."

That's sort of how I see it.

Answer 3

It has nothing to do with God. It's you! You can blame all your problems on a fictional creature if you want, but you're not going to accomplish anything.

You answered your own question. You drink, cheat, and you're overweight! What do you think you can change that might make you more attractive to a female? How about all of those things? Stop drinking, don't screw around and exercise and eat better.

It also might help if you moved to another city where the women don't know you. Don't volunteer any information about your past that puts you in a negative light. I'm not saying lie, just don't fully disclose. Especially if it's not going to do any good for either one of you.

Answer 4

First of all, I don't know whether God wants you to marry or not. But it could be that you need to have a period of economic, emotional, romantic stability before being able to properly commit yourself to a woman who will in turn commit herself to you. The kind of woman you would want for a wife is looking for someone she can count on. Could this woman count on you? You cheated on the last one, and fell into alcohol. Two serious weaknesses, that God can help you to overcome, but you need to prove yourself to the women who know you. That takes time. Maybe two or three more years. I know that seems long when you are already in your 40's, but that is the consequence of a disorderly life - I'm not saying this to judge you, we have all made different kinds of mistakes and bear the consequences of them in some way or another. But don't you agree that from a wonan's point of view, she would need to see a man who has spent 2-3 years showing he can be stable, dry and chaste?

Answer 5

I think God loves and watches over all of us, but I also think with everything thats going on in the world today, finding you a wife may not be at the top of his priority list. I think in time you will find that special someone, just be patient and believe. Don't try to change your apperence or personality, if you do then that someone might fall in love with someone or something you are not. Be yourself and when the time is right, you'll know. Good luck & keep your head up, there's someone for everyone.

Answer 6

If you trust God, try getting into him more. Go to a good Bible teaching church, and get involved. Concentrate on bettering yourself and helping other people. You don't have to be perfect, but you do have to be real. You eventually will meet someone when you least expect it. In the book of Genesis it says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing--and wins favor with God. Hang in there! (I was going on 44 when I first got married, so I ought to know!)

Answer 7

GOd ans wishes may not be compatable, although the bible teaches that God answers the PRAYERS of the righteous.

Keeping it in perspective is hugely important, if GOd were to grant your request, would He be relegated to last on your list of priorities? Will you keep HIm first?

It sounds like you are sincere about correcting our own behaviors and once that process is complete, you will then be a desirable husband. Your wife will not be the crutch to assist and guide you to your stated personal goals - but a help mate and partner. i.e your mate not your mom.

God bless on your journey and recovery.

.

Answer 8

#1 You need to work on your confidence first no woman wants to love a man who doesn't love himself
#2 If you don't like your looks, change them. Work out, swim, or walk. You will be suprise how these things will make you feel inside and out.
#3 Stop looking for a wife, look for a friend. The wife part will come later.
Take it easy on yourself hun, it will happen. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Answer 9

I think you will find a wife when you really want a wife. It looks to me right now you want to party more than be faithful to one woman for the rest of your life. To change, you must be willing to change and adjust and set goals to make that possible.

Answer 10

I think there are "a lot" of people out there wanting to get married and settle down. Once you are comfortable in your own skin then you will attract someone that wants you for who you are.
Be patient, it will happen. Just be the kind of person you want to be around.