Ok, my sister has a new boyfriend named Tyler. And in front of my parents and sister he acts like a nice guy. But around me he acts like a complete jerk. AND HE PROPOSED TO MY SISTER AND SHE SAID YES!!!!! He hates me and I hate him. And the last thing I want is for Emilee to be living with this guy! What if he has to live with us? No! It's not that I want to talk her out of the marrage. Ok so I do but I can't , but how can I get along with him? I tried to tell my sister and parents that he's a complete horror but they don't listen and don't believe me. Help!
2007-01-04 15:16:39 · 26 answers · asked by NinjaSquirrel 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This really sounds like a tough situation. I honestly wish that we could really tell you something that would help you for you sisters sake. I would definitely try avoiding him as much as possible. I think that until you have some serious proof that he is totally wrong for your sis then you are stuck. I should know... I have been in this situation before. Is there any sort of way that you can dig up dirt on him? Does he cheat? Lie? Maybe you could bring out the jerk in him in front of your family. I also think you should tell your sis how very much that you love her and then really tell her that he is a complete jerk and that she could do way better and that if she marries him that in the long run she will see that you are right. You sure a good sis for being concerned and to care so much... I would love to have a sis who cared as much as you do for my happiness. The best advice I can really give you is just to try to stay as close to your sis as possible and have lots of quality time toghether. Just be there for her no matter what her decision may be! Best of luck to you
2007-01-04 15:30:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going to have to be the bigger person and be in control of this problem. You probably have a combination of problems going on.
I assume that you are a bit younger and you're a little jealous of this guy for stealing your sister from you, or maybe you actually are secretly annoyed that this guy is with your sister instead of you. Who knows, but you?
Anyway, assuming that you're younger, you're still working through your maturity issues. It's hard....we all have to go through it. The only reason that I mention this is that, if he provokes you, I'm sure you "squeal"....and that probably fuels him even more....similiar to an older brother or sister taunting their younger brother or sister. The other thing is that he may see some qualities in you that he dislikes or disliked in himself now or when he was that age and that may cause him to be negative toward you. I'll leave that up to your judgement. Whatever it is, you need to stop "squealing" when he's an asshole.
You might even want to try and treat him like you don't hate him. Usually, if you just talk one on one with someone, they'll seem less like a monster.....you just have to make sure to keep an open mind towards him. Tell him nicely how you feel and why you feel that way, but do it constructively and in the most mature way that you can. Do not say anything to purposely insult him when you explain your feeling, and he may actually try to be nice to you...or at least lighten up on you. Does he even realize that he's doing these "asshole" things to you?
Just ask him, if he'd like to go out to lunch with you one day so that you can discuss these things that have been bothering you...one on one. I'm sure he'd like to get along with you to....especially if he might be moving in with you. Just remember to keep a good attitude about the whole thing, because that's the only way that you're going to be able to make this work.
Good luck!!!!
...and smile :)
2007-01-04 23:56:28 · answer #2 · answered by Sarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your sister what she'll think when he's not nice to her anymore and he starts being a jerk around her like he's being to you. Also, what's your relationship with your sister like? Does she see you as the overbearing and overprotective sister. If so that might have somethin to do with how he treats you or maybe she's told him some things about you that bother her and he's just tryin to give you a signal to butt out. If you still think he's just a big jerk sit down and have a sincere talk with her without yeliing or getting all upset.
2007-01-04 23:30:01 · answer #3 · answered by grawby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself this question. Why am I the only person in my family that can see what he really is? What did he do that proved to me he is a jerk or did you do something that made him mad.
Of course you may very well be right. But until you take some prove of what you say to your family, let alone your sister, how are they to believe you. Try to find that proof and they will listen.
2007-01-04 23:22:34 · answer #4 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i guess your stuck with him. In the mean time from know to when your sister finds out that her man is a jack *** and divorces him I think you should call a truce. You guys don't have to be best friends just civil to each other. Don't try to force your sister to see that he is not a good person. she'll figure it out on her own and if you do it will cause tension between you two and you don't want that. Just smile and nod and everything will be o.k.
2007-01-04 23:22:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to admire that you love your sister enough to want to be able to get along with her choice in husband, even though you don't get along with him.
Sometimes just smiling and being pleasant, even when you don't feel that way is a good start to getting along with difficult in-laws. You may also want to consider not saying anything anymore about your opinion of him. You may feel it's being helpful and looking out for the best interest of you sister, but everyone else is looking at it like you are trying to interfere in her relationship (or that you are jealous that he has her attention and you do not). Even if everything you say is true, you are in a position now where you have a choice: keep your mouth shut and keep your sister's love, or keep on talking and she will eventually resent you and become estranged from you.
The hardest thing about watching anyone we love is to see them in a relationship that is potentially doomed. However, keep in mind, it is THEIR problem...you can only be as loving and supportive as always. If the day ever comes that they need you because things have gone bad, you do not want them saying things like: you always hated him, etc., to you....and believe me, it could easily happen that way.
When I caught my sister's boyfriend in bed with another woman, I was the first to tell her...and she did not believe me. In fact, she resented me saying anything at all...she accused me of being jealous that she was in a relationship and I was not. It was a very ugly situation, and it caused a rift between us. Now years later, the bum is gone, and she knows that I did not lie to her, but even after all this time, I remember that no matter what I say to anyone about their possible horrible relationships, it doesn't matter.
I realise this is taking the coward's way out in a way, but frankly, if I run out on my friends and family because I don't "approve" of their relationships, I am ultimately the person who loses their companionship in the end.
I hope that things work out for you in this, believe me, I can empathsize with what you are going through!
2007-01-04 23:30:27 · answer #6 · answered by spottedtan5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tried to tell her she is not listening. Just bid your time and sooner or later if he is the "big" jerk she will need a shoulder to cry on. She is your sister don't cause a rift between you over a guy let it be hun. Sooner or later a rat is always exposed!!
2007-01-04 23:20:07 · answer #7 · answered by ~♥Aimee♥~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go on the Greg Behrendt Show. He can help you. Or you could just get to know the guy and be supportive of your sister. This can break up your relationship, try to overcome it. Your sister is worth more.
2007-01-04 23:21:15 · answer #8 · answered by Girl-In-Blue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient, his true colors will shine through. I just hope for the family's sake that it will be sooner than later. In the meantime, try to encourage your sister to have a lengthy engagement,and not rush into anything. This hopefully will save her a major heartache in the future...
2007-01-04 23:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by karen b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the youngest of 3. I have been married once for 24 years. My siblings have been married more than once. The only advice I can give you is to be happy for your sister. I cannot stand my sister's husband. He is an *** to put it mildly. But, if he makes my sister happy, then I am happy for her. He is 16 years her senior. Just remember...you are not marrying the jerk...she is. Just please be happy for her on her wedding day. It is her day to shine, not your day to rain.
2007-01-04 23:26:12 · answer #10 · answered by Kim C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋