His son thinks that it has been too long for me to go thru his dads stuff and to give him things. I feel that it hasn't been long enough. I feel that I am not ready. I have tried but just can't bring myself to do it. Is there a proper amount of time? We were together for seven years and I love having his things around me, I can't bear to part with them right now.
2007-01-04 14:51:11 · 11 answers · asked by fran 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
everyone above who has replyed is right there is no set time. you will know when the time is right. bye keeping his things it means you feel closer to him and that's good. and your not ready to give up all that you have lea ft of him . don't feel bad about this it is a normal feeling . ask his son is there something he wants that belonged to his father that is special to him . and if there is and you can bear to part with it. then please do . i don't think his dad would mind at all . maybe he needs something special right now himself to help him through his grieving process. i am very sorry you lost this special man in your life. and its OK to cry and talk to him and just so you know he hears you . please take care and honor his memory with going on with your life and trying to be happy again.
2007-01-04 15:33:32 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can take as long as you like, but I have found from losing many relatives that sometimes the quicker the better, but then again I am not you and each circumstance is different. 4 months is really not a long time. I don't know how old your fiancee's son is but he should understand, but then again too, he is going through anquish and maybe needs something of his fathers for emotional closure. I suggest you gradually go thru things, Pick a day to go thru a couple of drawers, gradually give his son what you think he would like. Take your time, it will be hard, and god bless you.
2007-01-04 23:08:51 · answer #2 · answered by vivib 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll know when you are ready however I'm wondering about his son. He may need something of Dads to hold onto. This is a very difficult time for both of you. There is not a proper time, each person grieves differently. When my husband died it took me a while to go thru stuff and I remember a sweater he had worn and I could smell him on it and I took it to bed every nite. Maybe you can see if their is a specific item his son wants and give it to him. I'm so sorry about you loss and will say a prayer that you will be comforted thru this.
2007-01-04 23:01:04 · answer #3 · answered by MaryFran 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do it when you KNOW it is time. The time is not now. It doesn't;t matter HOW long it takes....really. Don't feel pressurised into it in anyway. If you do it before YOU are truly ready then that will be a big mistake. Honestly, it really doesn't matter if it is years. Four months gone....you will still be feeling deep raw grief at this time...so concentrate on that....nurture yourself before dealing with possessions as you are more important.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Do things at your pace and you will come through this very difficult time.
Best wishes.
2007-01-05 10:27:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your fiance.
I don't think that you should give yourself a timeline at all. I think you should take all the time you need, it must be very hard for you. On the other hand, it must be very hard for his son too, and maybe his son is ready.. everyone adapts differently to grief and loss. Maybe if you tried telling his son its hard on you right now and maybe you could do it together, maybe he could go through some of his father's things and take what is really important to him? have you tried grief councelling? there may be grief councelling offered in your area. It might be beneficial to you. Even just normal councelling. I hope you are able to take all the time you need to grieve. Good Luck.
2007-01-04 23:12:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old his son is, but couldn't you find something special between them and part with it for his son's sake? I know this is a hard time for you and you should take your time with most of his things, I'd say you will know when you are ready. Be careful with yourself, try to consider the son, he probably misses his dad. And tell him you are not ready to let go of everything. Seven years is a long time.
2007-01-04 23:14:43 · answer #6 · answered by plaplant8 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a "set time" for things like this. The best indicator of the right time will be your own heart. You will KNOW when you're ready. Don't let anyone rush your healing. If there are any pressing matters, things that need to be handled within a certain time, you may want to get someone else, perhaps a professional, to handle that until you're ready to take it on yourself. I'm sorry for you loss. I hope this helps.
2007-01-04 22:57:52 · answer #7 · answered by prplluva 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no "set time" for this. You will know when you are ready. Four months is not very long. There are still things of my mom's I haven't gone through and that's been five years. I went through all the important things, but there are certain things I'm not ready for. Mostly it's her cedar chest full of old memories.
You'll know when you're ready, until then don't let anyone push you. Ask them to please be patient and give you time to sort out your mind and your emotions. Hopefully they will be understanding, but if not still don't rush yourself!
2007-01-04 23:02:38 · answer #8 · answered by time_wounds_all_heelz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll know when you're ready to sort things out. You're hesitant because it would mean that you've accepted the fact that he's gone, which makes it all final and you're not ready.. .. I say - take your time. Time is the absolute greatest healer.
2007-01-04 23:01:01 · answer #9 · answered by spider 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U take as long as u need there is no time limit on it. I cant believe that boy is only thinking of wat he can get out of it. Tell him you will do it in your time and nothing u say is going to make it any quicker.
2007-01-04 22:58:11 · answer #10 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋