What age is the right age to have "the talk" with a girl?

Question

my daughter is 9 y/o and in the 4th grade. school is going to show a film about puberty. parents have the option to opt out but we can't decide if we should let her watch the film and have the discussion in school or wait till she hits puberty. I must add the film which was shown to parents does not talk about sex but more about the growth spurt, breast development, pubic hair and the menstrual cycle.

Answer 1

Now, but offer the most basic answer that they will accept. Don't give her misinformation, but don't overload her with more than she is ready for. If you have an open relationship, she wont' be afraid to ask for more details (if she wants to hear). Just don't overwhelm her at once.

It starts as "where do babies come from" - and the most basic answer is (in my home) was from a mommy. Eventually the child will want to know how, and it goes on from there.

But at 9 she will start hearing about the mechanics of sex from peers. You can start by saying that the changes she will see in the movie are what all girls go through and are all a part of her body getting ready for a baby some day when she is all grown and married (get those moral values in there!).

I also like the answer "When a mommy and daddy love each other and are ready for a baby, God takes a part of the daddy and part of the mommy together and helps it to grow into a baby." It isn't misinformation (I firmly believe in honesty), it just leaves out the most graphic part until she is ready for that. Eventually she'll want to know how the daddy part gets in the mommy - and you'll tell her. (and the same answer will work leaving out God if you aren't religious - it just will likely lead to her asking how sooner).

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Heck by 9 years old she should have most of this info already. If you answer any questions she has about where babies come from etc these discussions should have been happening all along. Heck my 6 year old knows the difference between a boy and a girl, Where babies come from and what a belly button is for. He hasn't yet asked how a baby gets there or what the man's job in all this is but if you respond to normal questions "the talk" shouldn't be necessary. Heck my son even vaguely knows what a period is. If she's never asked before well this is a prime time to get her started. It's a fact that the more a kid knows about sex ed and their own bodies the less likely they are to have a teen pregnancy or be molested. It's the ones that are taught that sex is a forbidden subject that wind up pregnant and in the hands of someone who can warp what little they've picked up to their own ends. You can use this film as a jumping off point for talking about all of this openly and honestly. Let her see the film then see if she has any questions. it doesn't matter if you are embarrassed it matters that you are honest and open with her.

Answer 3

You've GOTTA do this ASAP!!! Most health insurances require what my office calls the "sex, drugs, and rock'n roll talk" at every phyiscal exam beginning at age 9 or 10. Many hospital ERs administer a pregnancy test to any female over the age of 9 - especially those in large cities.

IMO - prep her for the film by giving a generic idea of what it's going to cover making sure she knows you'll be discussing it afterwards, let her watch the film, and then that evening sit down with her and discuss it - cover any questions she has... Let her know she can ask you anything and you'll give an honest answer. It's also a good time to re-inforce any values you have regarding sex. This way, there's no surpises anywhere, and it won't freak her out. Don't wait until she hits puberty - it'll make things more chaotic - especially if her friends develop sooner or later than she does.

Besides - you don't want her to be the teenager who has sex with anyone because she thinks you get pregnant from a toilet seat. (Don't laugh, I know of someone like that!)

Good luck!

Answer 4

Okay, I just had to deal with this same thing this year. So, this is how I went about it. I researched everywhere. I found this wonderful book available from amazon. It is written to the "tween" age group. It is descriptive, yet it doesn't make you or the child feel too uncomfortable. (anything concerning this subject is uncomfortable). It is called... "It's Perfectly Normal" also you can find it under the full title -- It's Perfectly Normal : Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health. I decided we had to have the talk because she is very developed. Many people think she is older than she is, and I didn't want some young teen boy saying something to her and freaking her out and her not understanding. Possibly thinking he was being nice (o Lord help me, she is growing up) anyway, I digress... I truly did do much research on this, and this is the best book I found out there. I read it aloud to her, then if she had any questions, I would answer them. I would definately suggest reading it first... you may not want her to know everything yet, but you can put it up and have it for later when more questions come around. My 2 cents as for the video in school, I would opt out personally. If anyone is going to talk to my daughter about that kind of thing, I definately want it coming from me. Good luck on this!

Answer 5

Yes, let her see the movie. Chances are that she probably knows a lot more than you think already. Kids talk to each other about all kinds of things, especially when mom/dad are not around. As you know about the movie, talk to your child about it, both before and after watching it. Make it fun and relaxed.

It's scary that many parents avoid subjects like puberty and sex etc. This over-protectedness often results in problems later on. But, saying that, some children are more mature than others, so I answer the questions they ask, but don't instigate.

The more open you are about life, the real world and even your own experiences, the less inclined children are to try and discover things for themselves, without your knowledge or consent.

Answer 6

I think it'd be good for her to see it, but then follow up after the film is shown with your own talk. Don't go deeply into sex if you don't think your daughter is ready (I think she is ready for a general discussion, but get more into it when she is 11 or 12).

Show her where the pads/tampons are and show them to her. Show her how a pad is used, you don't know how many kids put it sticky side up or just put it on wrong. It's best to get her comfortable around these things before she gets her period and is very nervous. If she is developing, maybe take her out for a girl day to buy a bra or two and an outfit and lunch or something. Just make her feel comfortable and excited about becoming a woman.

Make sure you tell her she needs to be open with you and encourage it. It'll help a lot if you start these discussions earlier.

Answer 7

She's 9...she'll be hitting puberty any day now! Let her watch the film and when she comes home, ask her to explain what she learned. Correct and expound on anything that she doesn't understand and anything important that she might have missed. But honestly....she probably already is informed about a lot that would be included in "the talk." You'd be surprised how much kids talk and how much they know. At least the film and your convo will correct any misconceptions she might have. Plus those are things that are going to directly affect her very very soon....so why shield her from it?

Answer 8

I think 8 or 9 is perfect for learning about all the changes their bodies are about to go through. Girls can start their menstrual cycle early (I started at age 9) so you want to prepare them for it. You don't want her to think she is dying or turning into a werewolf because of the physical changes.

The sex talk can wait a few more years, but not as many as parents would like. 12 and 13 year olds who are sexually active or pregnant is not uncommon. I went to school with a girl who was 14 and pregnant with her 3rd baby. This was in the 90's.

Answer 9

My mom told me everything when I was four. Now I the least perverted man that I know. The reason most kids want to do sexual things and talk about them is because they are seen as taboo and the parents go through great troubles to plan out a conversation, etc. My point is, if it is done casually, no film, no books, nothing, I believe it is best.

In fact, I believe it is not a question of too early as it is of too late. By the time puberty kicks in, her friends will have talked to her about various things and the idea of talking with parents about it will seem "gross".

This is just what I believe, my opinion.

Answer 10

Let her watch the film WITHOUT you and after that if she has questions(and she will definitely have some) you answer them without feeling ashamed or something like that.She has to know things.At the age os 9 I knew a lot of things about puberty but I had an older sister(5 years older than me) and she told me everything as soon as she found it out.So I can say that there is nothing wrong to know all about puberty after the age of 9.