How do I explain to a 4 year old girl about someone who is mentally handicapped?

Question

My girlfriend works at a residential home for adults with severe disabilities. Some are ok - they can understand things and chat to you, but others are really impaired mentally and rock to a fro, have difficulty communicating etc etc. Recently i took my 4 yr old daughter to the home which brought in an outside theatre company to perform a xmas panto. My girl enjoyed it, met the residents - stared a little, was confused over the severe ones, paid no attention to the less severe ones - but when we left she asked "dad - why was kelly being stupid?" - Kelly rocks to and fro, side to side, communicates in makaton with sporadic verbal phrases (that only her carers understand). I just said that i would tell her later - putting it off and off. But she is asking about it again, and i dont know what to say or how to explain it. I did think of something like - her brain is broken (making it simple for her to grasp) but i dont think she would know what the brain really does. Any advice please?

To Hot Mama's answer - You totally missed the point here. You were no help at all. Nothing constructive whatsoever. To all others - i am evaluating the best answers, i am very grateful for all your advice so far. many thanks to all except hot mama.

Answer 1

First explain to her that Kelly wasn't being stupid. Ask if she understands when she's sick and she doesn't feel good. Then explain how the people that your girlfriend works with are sick in a different way. Then ask her if she understands feelings like happy and sad. Explain to her that the people can't control their feelings or how they act and so they need people to help take care of them. That's why Kelly was rocking and couldn't talk, because she can't control that but all the people are really nice and care a lot but they can't always show it. The last thing is make sure that she understands that even though they are different they aren't stupid or bad or anything like that, they are just different and that isn't a bad thing.

Answer 2

It is a good question. My young son has a learning difficulty that can be difficult to explain sometimes. Particularly because he disguises it well!

Now that the event has passed it would be good to initiate a discussion about differences between people. For example, a grown man and a little girl are very different to each other and as her father you will know and do things very differently from her.

You could point that out and ask her what other differences between people she can think of. Prompt her by mentioning differences in size, languages, skin colour, age, sight, hearing and so on. She might even mention Kelly.

This conversation may be where you discuss Kelly and the idea of learning difficulties or you could leave it a day or two for her to think about differences between people.

When you do discuss it you might point out to her that Kelly is very clever to be able to use Makaton. Something that I expect your girl can not do. Maybe show her a few signs and what they mean. Chat to her about a few things that she can not do. Maybe she can not walk through a room using a stick like someone who is blind, or maybe she can not tie shoe laces yet.

Then you can discuss that one day she will be able to tie her shoe laces (for instance) but that Kelly needs support with things like that which she will take longer to learn than your girl. Maybe Kelly will never learn them even. And that is why Kely lives in a residential home, where people who love her can support her in the things that she can't do, or is learning to do.

But Kelly is also able to do things that are the same as your girl, like watching and enjoying a panto. And she can even do some things that your girl can not do and maybe will never do, like Makaton. Important I think to mention similarities as well as differences. Kelly is a girl for instance, so she is very different to you but she is a similar size to you for instance (I am assuming) and probably drinks tea rather than squash.

So you have really explained that Kelly is not stupid already. But it would be nice maybe to reinforce that by mentioning something that your daughter does that you might consider to be "silly" because she has not learned all the things that you know.

Maybe she does not remember to brush her teeth and you have to remind her or maybe she is silly and giggly when it is not appropriate in your opinion. Explain that Kelly is having fun in her own way that possibly your girl and you can not fully understand and that is why seems different to your girl, not because she is stupid.

The Mencap website would be a good starting point if you need advice and I am sure also that your girlfriend and the carers would be very happy to help you with ideas.

Good luck!

Answer 3

No. Did the mob even get arrested? idc about a mentally handicapped girl. I'm an ordinary practitioner and there were kids in special ed at my high school and I never attacked them. There's 1.2 billion million Muslims and the mob wasn't 1.2 billion. What would you have to say about ordinary Christians beating up homeless people? What do you have to say about Christians eating another Christian? I agree those people are savages and it's wrong to attack somebody for that. Those people might be Muslims but the faith isn't about attacking a girl. I'm a Muslim and even I know Christianity isn't about Christians eating other Christians.

Answer 4

I have a four-year-old niece, and I think the best way to approach the problem is by being honest. You might be surprised how easily she will understand. I went to a day camp that had mentally handicapped residents starting at age 6, and I understood. Try comparing being mentally handicapped to being physically handicapped. You could say, "Well some people are in wheelchairs because something happened to their bodies to make them not work as well as other people's bodies. The same thing can happen to people's brains, which makes them not work as well as others." Etc...

Answer 5

For a 4 year old to go into a deep conversation is fruitless.
You have the right mind set, her brain is broken, a child can understand this.
For the ones who are talking to themselves say they have a pretend friend. For the ones who are just off just say they are watching a pretend TV, and can not really hear us talking.
Or something along those lines. When my child was young he was like all the other kids at school for they did not understand. They grew and started understanding more that my son is "off" a little. The kids that know him most of them are nice, the ones that do not know him or are just mean are really mean!
We do get stared at a lot out in public. It is the people who say nasty comments that make me mad, but little kids if they are curious if there parent do not rush them away we will talk to them....we need more parents out there like you!

Answer 6

Be honest with her and tell her what is wrong with the person. Be sure to tell her not to be afraid because someone may be a little different than her. By all means correct her on using the word stupid especially around a hadicapped individual. If you were more comfortable around the people you described then you most likely wouldn't have such a problem talking to your daughter about it. Good luck

Answer 7

I would say something like, "Well, Kelly doesn't think the same way that we do, because she's a little different." And if any further questions are asked, just tell her that she'll understand when she's older.

Answer 8

keep it simple with a 4 year old. just say the person has an illness and they act that way because of it. no long explaination needed

Answer 9

"your brain is where your thinking happens. Some people are born with a broken brain, and some are broken worse than others". That should work!

Answer 10

well first of all u should have said right away
that kelly was not being stupid
where was your head
u should have realized that she would ask questions
before u took her