this is the sentence. everytime i rewrite it it doesn't sound the same/ nearly as good and im getting frustraited. any rewrites would be greatly appriciated.
Montag encounters a gentle seventeen-year-old girl named Clarisse McClellan, who opens his eyes to the emptiness of his life with her innocently penetrating questions and her unusual love of people and nature.
2007-01-04 12:50:15 · 3 answers · asked by LITTLE GREEN GOD 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Other - Education
Montag encountered a gentle seventeen-year-old girl named Clarisse McClellan. With her innocently penetrating questions and her unusual love of people and nature, Clarisse opened his eyes to the emptiness of his life.
2007-01-04 12:54:34 · answer #1 · answered by mac 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the problem is that it needs to be two sentences and that it is a bit wordy. If you are doing this for a creative writing assignment then the description is fine because the idea is to show, not tell. However, if you are writing this as a report then I think it should look a bit more like this:
Montag encounters a 17-year-old girl named Clarisse McClellan. Clarisse opens his eyes to the emptiness of his life through penetrating questions and her loving nature.
My use of the word 'nature' in this instance refers to Clarisse's character. You could also say "her loving disposition" or "...ways", if you'd like. Oh, and according to the AP Stylebook seventeen-year-old should be written as 17-year-old. Only ages under 10 should be written out. Hope this helps! Good luck!
2007-01-04 13:02:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think this sentance sounds really good already.
Montag's eyes are opened to the emptiness of his life by a gentle seventeen-year-old girl named Clarisse McClellan. This realization is brought about by Clarisse's innocently penetrating questions and her unusual love of people and nature...
but i like yours better.
2007-01-04 12:54:40 · answer #3 · answered by a_sight_unseen22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋