Okay women,
If you already had children from a previous relationship which you ended up raising entirely by yourself, emotionally, physically and financially and you eventually started dating someone else years later who also wanted children of his own, but he chose a career that would never allow him to be home, would you have more children knowing that you would end up raising even more children by yourself even though this time you'd be married. Might I also add, that you would not be house-wife but would also have a full-time career of your own.
I have learned that children are a gift that married couples give to one another. It is a life experience to share with your partner. So if that partner is never going to be around as his job would require him to be away most of the time, why in the world would a woman want to have more children just because the husband would like to have children of his own? Who else thinks this is selfish?
2007-01-04 12:17:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Like to add that I'm already 30 & having more kids "later on" is not something I'm willing to do after the age of 35+.
2007-01-04 12:28:12 · update #1
Well I don't think its selfish. I think you deserve a rest from raising children alone. I would not do it. I would not want my daughters to but that would be their decision as this is yours.
Good Luck to you !!
2007-01-04 12:28:10 · answer #1 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is selfish. But I think you should look at his point of view. My husband was previously married and had 2 boys. One of which was his, the other was the result of an affair the ex had. But my husband raised him anyway. I didn't have children, but wanted children. Due to issues my husband couldn't have any more children. So I said we could adopt, the response I got was "I can't raise a child that's not mine". But that is exactly what he did with the ex's "love" child. That pretty much cut me to the bone. If someone really wants children, they're not likely going to just change there mind, and it will eventually cause problems. Trust me I know - we have been split for 8 months. I hope to work things out, but who knows. My best advice is really talk to him about this issue before marriage. I understand not wanting to raise more children on your own, but I also know how he feels. Just talk to him.
2007-01-04 12:25:17 · answer #2 · answered by monkmonk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention if you had agreed with your husband prior to marriage if you and he intended on having more children, but from reading your question I would tell you that you seem to have all you can handle alone right now. If he isn't there to help, and if he isn't being there for your children now, why would you consider weighing yourself down more? Until he can provide the attention and care needed to be an effective parent to the children you have now, please don't consider bringing another little child into the mix.
Spend your time giving loving care to the children you have now, and don't let someone who isn't going to be there to share the experience with pressure you to overwhelm you more by yet another baby. Good luck, and if you would like to talk more please feel free to e-mail me
2007-01-04 12:32:57 · answer #3 · answered by annie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not selfish at all if both parties want kids. Family is family. Single parents raise kids without a partner all of the time...sure there are a few who give the ones that are doing it right a bad name.
2007-01-04 12:20:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your husband's intentions are to be selfish. However, I would be very skeptical about having more children. Although you're married, you still would be a single parent with a two parent income. You should discuss this more with your husband. Tell him how you feel. Maybe you two can come to some type of compromise. Good Luck!! Be Blessed!!
2007-01-04 12:23:58 · answer #5 · answered by Blu 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion if you BOTH have a job then you BOTH should take care of the child 50/50. The only way you should have to worry about doing it by yourself is if you don't have a job or the two of you split up and even then he should show some type of parenting responsibilities. I would NOT have a child with him.
2007-01-04 12:34:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you just answered your own question. If you don't want to have more children, don't. You are not being selfish, you are merely being rational about your life and the potential lives of the children. If he wants kids, he has to help raise them.
2007-01-04 12:24:02 · answer #7 · answered by eyegirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not want more children--I agree with you--there's a fine line there and you can't do it all with him at work all the time. Talk and communicate this with him--maybe there's a solution and now's the time for more children--later down the road.
2007-01-04 12:23:58 · answer #8 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes that sound selfish. sounds like you don't want to be put in that situation again where you have to take care of the kids on your own.I defiantly agree i think that both parents need to be around to help and interact with the kids.
2007-01-04 12:28:16 · answer #9 · answered by 2b-nice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a two way street both parents has to be around and visible in their children lives...
2007-01-04 12:21:44 · answer #10 · answered by nitenurse 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋