My bf & I have been dating for 2 yrs. I'm 30 & he's 29. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship ages 10 & 11. We both want to get married. Problem - He wants to be a commercial pilot by joining the air force AND he wants a family later. In order to join the air force he must finish his degree which will take another 2 1/2 yrs. Then he must train with the air force for 2 yrs. He then owes them 7 yrs of service. In total, it will take over a decade to complete all training & service. I have told him I will wait for him but that then I didn't want more children as I don't want kids at age 35+ (My own kids will have graduated already). Nor do I want to raise kids on my own - been there done that.
He could obtain his pilot's licence on his own but it would cost $40,000+. Also, he wouldn't be able to afford both a university degree (a great back-up plan) & also finance his pilot's licence. The air force wants an answer as to whether he will join (he's already been accepted.
2007-01-04 11:48:06 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He doesn't want to make a choice that he will regret later in life. He already put off joining the air force because his last gf didn't want him to join. But at the same time, I'm not getting any younger. What is a reasonable choice?
2007-01-04 11:49:14 · update #1
To make it very clear to others - I can live without having more children as I already have 2 of my own. It's my bf that would like to eventually have children of his own. I am willing to have more children, but only if we start our family soon (in the next couple of years) & if we do it together. I don't want to be left at home raising more kids by myself while he chases his dream career. Kids are 50/50.
2007-01-04 12:05:44 · update #2
The most reasonable choice would be to let him follow his heart because you don't want him to resent you in the future if he regrets not doing this. You two should sit down and write the pros and cons of both choices and make your decision from there. And here should be the only 2 choices:
1-he goes off and does this, you just don't have any kids together. If you can both live with that, it's a good choice. Who knows, later in life you may leave the door open for another kid.
2-he stays there and you have kids together now
Either way, you don't want to do anything you'll regret, so try to figure out what you both would regret the most and go the other direction.
2007-01-04 11:54:21 · answer #1 · answered by A T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, he's already in a family. Mirrage isn't going to change that. He might be right though about not wanting any more kids right now. He is being responsible. I certainly wouldn't stand in his way as you know that this is a dream of his. It sounds to me like you are the one with a choice to make- he's already made his. If you really love him, than just appreciate what you already have and stay with him. What I mean by that is that you already have him and you already have your own kids. Why do you need to have kids with him? If you really do feel the need to have more kids deep down inside and you think that you are going to resent not having any more down the road, then you need to leave now. Don't delay the ineveitable if that is the case. I totally wish you both the best of luck!
2007-01-04 19:57:10 · answer #2 · answered by Goddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I choose family. However, Career is what supports the family. And if this is what he can do to make a living, then that needs to happen. Do you want to be living in an apartment forever or working low pay jobs?... Sometimes you do have to give up something for the sake of your family...
Just think about truckers and their wives/families. They drive semi trucks and don't see family for a long time. It is hard on the family and the driver. n
2007-01-04 19:54:34 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you two are at major crossroads and heading separate directions. Doing the right thing is never easy. But what I read is that you are at a totally different places and that never works without major compromise. Neither of you is wrong to want what you do and that's what makes it difficult. I've walked away in those situations.
2007-01-04 19:58:38 · answer #4 · answered by Bella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would choose career all the way. I don't want a family or even a husband — I would much rather build up my career and enjoy it once I'm at the top.
2007-01-04 19:58:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Pearl,
I know feel for your situation, and I respect you as an indepdent women. If he doesn't respect you, he doersn't deserve your time, or Your kids. Also, if you don't mind I could realllly use your HELP on a situation. I value your opinion and I think you may be able to save me from a potentially harmfull situation.
Thank you, and I wish you a lovely day.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070104162001AAv67lR&r=w
2007-01-04 19:53:23 · answer #6 · answered by thank you come again 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally for my own reason, i would choose family, just because when i was a kid, i was left alone alot. Both my parents were extremly workacholics, i never saw them.
2007-01-04 23:00:49 · answer #7 · answered by bluemnky1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋