has a fixation with the ill and dieing everytime i goto visit her which on average 3-4 times aweek she cant help but tell me whos die latelly ive tryed to explane that i come see her and have a good chat , this leave me very depressed and not wanting to visit her.
2007-01-04 11:46:18 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, she is sharing her reality with you. Her friends are getting old and passing on. She's starting to realize her mortality - and yes, it's unpleasant. Reassure her, listen to her and then give her upbeat and joyful news. It sucks getting old.
2007-01-04 11:49:28 · answer #1 · answered by workingclasshero 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Knowing her age could have helped, but either way, dwelling on death & dying isn't too good for her or yourself to constantly be thinking about. If she's elderly, she may be saddened by the passing of almost everyone she knows & cares about, as well as it reminding her of her own eventual future. To be too quick to push that away could seem cold & uncaring on your part...just when she needs to feel cared about the most, perhaps. Still, she should not simply dwell on such things & worry all the time. Besides, that could hasten bad health, as worry may affect conditions within the body. Try guiding the conversations toward better things after acknowledging & empathizing with her about her comments of others' deaths. Turn the thoughts to brighter things, and remind her that you & her should enjoy the time you have together. If there are children or places with children to go to, maybe that would allow conversation & remembrance of good times from years ago, as well as a positive use for her talents, knowledge, & maybe mentoring for the youths, perhaps. Pets are often therapeutic, too, but basically, she may need to see that her life is not over & that she is useful in life, not useless. Maybe you can help her see a need in the community that she ( or both of you ) can help fill. Can she sew or knit something for poor children or families, etc.? Maybe volunteering at a food kitchen for the poor or homeless? That could also give her something to do that would help keep her mind in a better direction. Finally, if she feels spiritually insecure, perhaps you can pray and set about finding a good church, if she needs to "find peace with GOD" : that could help, as well as perhaps being an introduction to others, both young & old, to have caring fellowship with.
2007-01-04 20:14:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is so very common! Honest! I have a friend who will read the obits first when she gets the paper then updates me on people whether we know them or not. However>>>
Does your mother know these people? If she does, sympathize with her, of course.
If she is just fixated, then do what the others are suggesting. Take her to lunch, but do tell her that it's a bit morbid having to discuss it all the time. You might approach it like you're worried about her. "Mom, are you not telling me something? What are you worried about, is something wrong with you that has you all concerned with dieing?" Give her a chance to tell you. Good Luck!
2007-01-04 20:06:11 · answer #3 · answered by Emma J 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is very common in older folks. It's all they have to talk about. Imagine if most of the people you knew and hung out with were now dead. You would be a little fixated, too. Talk with her. If you think she is having depression issues (also common in older folks), get her to the doc.
2007-01-04 20:04:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of going to visit, can you take her out someplace fun.
Your mother is DEPRESSED!
She talks about this probably because it helps her to deal with her own mortality.
DOes she have any hobbies or anything outside of your visits to look forward to?
Maybe you can help her to meet people who are seniors that are active in her community.
If she does then she will have more exciting things to talk about!
GOOD LUCK and hang in there with your mother.
make these golden years some of her best years. you will be happy you did~
2007-01-04 19:49:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
get your mom interested in other things. its natural for the elderly to think of these things, but you can get them active and interested in other things again. when you go to visit, take something new and interesting to talk about, soon she will be so busy doing "her own thing" , she might not have time for you to drop by 3-4 times a week. ( card games, board games, crocheting, needlepoint, puzzles, a good book, invite her freinds to visit her, give her a long distance card so she can call and keep up with relatives, make sure she has note paper,pens,envelopes and stamps to write to people she knows. ) hey, invest in a computer for her and with the internet, she will have plenty to keep her busy and talkative about other stuff.)
good luck.
2007-01-04 19:58:56 · answer #6 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her that you love her but this has to stop. I feel depressed every time I leave here and am not going to come to visit if this continues. Try not to point fingers at her like saying "you youy ou"..... try to find a way by saying "I" feel depressed every time I leave here... etc... Good luck. n
2007-01-04 19:51:42 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Change the subject, and if she refuses, then you should end your visit immedietly.
2007-01-04 19:47:41 · answer #8 · answered by Donna K 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋