How do I fix my shy-ness?

Question

I have hardly any friends at school. I'm not hated, i just dont talk to people at all becuase i dont know what to say. My only friends are 3 people i've known since kindergarden. I'm really social around them because it just comes natural talking to them, But around people that aren't them (even people I know well) it's hard for me to talk to them .Since I dont talk to people at school i'm unpopular,well more like unknown. One of my friends who has tons of friends and is like by everyone is positive if i just talked more everyone would love me. My other friend who doesnt go to my school is convinced im popular and doesnt really believe me when i say i dont have friends at school.


Is it possiable for me to talk to random people and for it to come as easy as when im talk to my best friends?

Answer 1

I used to be shy too. So bad that I would get anxiety attacks around new people. What worked for me was to pretend like I've know them all of my life. Before you go and talk just think of a couple of things to say. Also it might be easier to talk to other shy people.

If this doesn't help email me at [e-mail].

Good Luck!!

Answer 2

I'm shy too! Growing up I was a only child and like you a have a best friend that I known since birth/walking+talkn age.

Im 20 now and now that Im in college I have to be more active in socializing so....
Im going through therapy (counselor) to help to learn to speak up and socialize more. My doc suggest I go to the gym, take up a fun class dance/art class to get myself out there. The Paxil seems to be working too(day 2). I went to the hair salon today and talked to the girls in there.

Everyone's different. Being shy isn't bad either. I'm not saying med are the answer( I NEVER would have though I would have been on them) but at least seek a counselor( or a speech class w/ small setting). So far so good with me.

Its possible to walk up to random people, but in my experience its best if there a common ground you can talk about.( most of the time you can start a conversation then there that ackward pause...you want to keep talking to feel more comfortable not starting over thinking of something to say) Like being at a music store and talking about the latest music. Taking a dance class and talking about the lastest moves etc...

Answer 3

I was the same way where I only felt comfortable talking around longtime friends (and as a result got voted Shyest Male in my year book).

The solution developed during college when I moved to a new city, surrounded by unfamiliar faces. It can be hard, but you pretty much need to force yourself to talk.

I also found the internet to be a major help. I'm quite social when it comes to email and instant messengers, so I used that to my advantage and got the email addresses of various classmates (if not, I stumbled across their deviant art page or something). I was then able to quickly use such form of communication to get to know them pretty quickly to the point where I was comfortable around them and could talk normally.

The internet isn't always available granted, but after a few years of going from college to college I guess I just got used to meeting new people and can speak a lot easier now (save for public speeches, which a lot of people seem to hate anyways)

Answer 4

I was shy also when in school, but I found the best way to get out it, was just to take the time and effort to talk to others. Such as when in a class I might say to another student something like, Man, this teacher is sure tough, or can you believe that test she gave us today? etc. You get the idea, just start with something that you and the other person can relate too. You will be surprised how many people you can become friends with just by starting a simple conversation, but you must be the one to initiate it.not wait for them to do it. Don't be discouraged if some of them don't come around at first. It takes time to make friends etc.

Answer 5

First of all, you'll have to figure out if you are just painfully shy or if you are just an introvert. Don't pressure yourself to be something that doesn't come naturally to you.
But no matter what your personality type, remember that even extroverts can be doormats or easily influenced by others. Lone wolfs on the other hand, are not as easily led around.
So long as you're positive about yourself, and it doesn't cost you anything to be polite (not fawning) to others, the right people will eventually find you. Be a fab friend to yourself first, and take some time to do it; then let others discover the wonderful person that you are, if they aren't too shallow.

Answer 6

I think you need to give yourself a nudge and force yourself at first to be more conversational with people you don't know that well. It will be hard and uncomfortable at first and you might feel social anxiety, but I doubt it will really take long for you to get used to it. Basically, the more you force yourself out of your shell, the easier it will be. And soon, you'll be doing it with no effort at all. That's just my 2 cents.

If you can't be yourself when talking to new people at first, that's fine. You can "act" if you want to at first -- you know, put on a superficial face just like an actress in a soap opera does to play her part. After you get accustomed to conversing with new people, you'll find yourself and it will be easier to be "yourself" with everyone instead of just a couple people you've known forever.

Think of this as a "job" that you have to do at first. Afterall, when you get out into the real world and get a job, you need to be able to function. Some amount of shyness is normal and fine, but if you think your shyness is too much to be healthy, then trust me when I say that you should work at this a little bit and not be so afraid of yourself and what others might think of you.

And don't feel bad if things don't go perfect at first as you try to be more open with the world. It will be a learning experience; you'll improve the more you practice.

Just take the initiative and do it already!

Good luck.

Answer 7

Yes, practice makes perfect. There are things like Insight Personal Growth Seminars where you meet lots of people and do exercises to make you better at this and you make friends.

The first time I did you had to contantly go up to a new person and talk to them for like 3 minutes and say 3 things then find another one. The first time I did this, I was anxious about doing it. After a couple of times I looked forward to doing it. This site below will help you and give you more self-esteem.

Right now there are others at your school who feel like you. Find them and talk to them and they will love it. Then the two of you can form a club for shy people.

http://www.phifoundation.org/happiness.html

Answer 8

I used to be really shy too. I never talked and had my own little group of friends. But when i went to high school I didn't make much friends and me and my BEST friends drifted away. I took drama classes in the 9th grade, and let me tell you, it worked. I now have lots of friends and I am very talkative. Presented and letting myself speak in front of the class helped, and it was a good way for me to make friends because I had a different group to work with every time.

I hope I helped.

Shawna. =)

Answer 9

You need some confidence. Plan something really fun on the weekend, like a water park or a day trip somewhere. Because when you have something to look forward to It puts you in a good mood. Also close your door, turn up your stereo loud or put on your favorite song and just dance it out.

sounds lame but it works

Answer 10

how to fix shy-nest its to talk and don't be afraid of talking,but you have to wash out to who you talk to in are days you no.you said that one of your friend has tons of friends but let me tell you a friend is better than a tons of friends because your sure its a really a friend.in school i had just one friend and we stay together and we are still friend and we are in are 50th and still good friend.that's why i tell you one friend is better then tons of friends,if you want to take what i am saying.it will be your decision at the end.