3 1/2 Yr Old is out of control?

Question

My step daughter will be 4 in March & she is a nightmare to be around. She doesnt listen to anything I say to her or ask her to do -- she will ignore me completely, argue w/ me or start screaming & throwing a fit.
We've done timeouts since she was of age for them, however, she now will scream louder & louder as long as she is in timeout.
No matter what we tell her will happen if she does/doesnt do something (like wont get a treat or watch a movie, etc) it doesnt alter her behavior at all & she continues to repeat the same bad bahaviors over & over again.
A couple weeks ago, she got up in the middle of the night crying & wouldnt tell us why & then started screaming bloody murder for 30 minutes & refused to say one word so we had no idea what was going on.
She has been very difficult since she was born & I am beginning to tire of these behaviors continuing & causing a lot of problems in my marriage & I am currently suffering from depression as a result.
I dont know what to do anymore

Answer 1

The first thing you need to do is address any medical/emotional problems that can be treated by a professional. She needs to be assessed and have any difficulties ruled out. This may take more than one doctor to find this out. If there are no psychological or medical problems, then you need to look at your relationship with her father, and her relationship with both her father and her mother. Are there any major issues that could be causing undo stress in her life (abuse, neglect, parental rejection, battling exes, etc)? If the answer is yes, then some family counselling and child counselling could help with this.
If you have ruled out all of these serious issues, then you need to overhaul the way you discipline, and most of it has to come from Dad, as he is the primary parent in this "new" family. He has to expect and demand that his children respect and accept you. Both of you have to be on the same page when it come to discipline, and you need to try and be as consistent as possible.
I would look into some of these books on problem children: Setting Limits with Your Strong Willed Child, or 1-2-3 Magic, Effective Discipline..., or perhaps Dr Phil if you are a fan.
Good luck, and remember to always take some time for yourself, however you can get it, to help keep yourself healthy.

Answer 2

my middle child is (somewhat) like that, although probably not as bad. She is also the same exact age. I really think it is something that needs to be addressed, but I don't know who to go to.
Most of the time she can be the sweetest little girl that loves her daddy to pieces, but then sometimes without warning she turns into a very difficult child. I hope it's not something permanent or mental problem. I know how you feel... it is really hard when she won't tell you what her problem is because you don't know whether she's just playing you or it is a legitimate problem this kid has like maybe blood sugar going crazy or some kind of hormonal thing or depression.
I'm sorry I don't have the answer... but I know what you're going through. Do continue to love her. My daughter is a little better now than she used to be. I also noticed that she acts that way a lot more when she is tired or if she is awoken while she's sleeping.
To eastsidegurl44: That is one thing that I know for sure would not work with our daughter. With some kids that kind of punishment works great, with others it really backfires.

Answer 3

Continue to be persistent in your time outs with her. Make sure you and her father are on the same page.
When in timeout have her sit there or stand how ever you do it. Ignor her screaming and yelling. Let her know the timeout is up when she is in control of herself. Once the time out is over expect the same behavior or start over. Don't give her what she wants until she has proved through her time out.
My 2 year old is adapting very well to this... as well as my 5 and 7 year old once did.

Answer 4

Is her mother in the picture? If she is you your husband and her mother need to sit down and have a talk and you both need to be on the same page with disapline because this child is talking over. Maybe you need to be more extreme with her if she is having tantrums insteed of putting her in timeout send her to her room and make her go to bed early and if she continues to get out of bed keep putting her back in try a few nights of this. She is old enough to learn that you are serious and its not fun to have to go to bed while you are watching a movie or eating popcorn. Good luck and god bless you!

Answer 5

More than likely she is doing it for attention. With children even bad attention is still attention. Send her to her room or to time out and simply ignore her until she is quiet. Don't say anthing don't make threats of how if she doesn't stop she won't get something, just simply ignore. She will eventually get tired of it. And no offense but if I ever did that as a child it would have only been once. My parents would have busted my butt.

Answer 6

my daughter has similar problems, does she play with other children, does she do repetative things, how is her speech...alot of could be a medical disorder like autism...my daughter has just been diagnosied with pdd which is similar to autism....she has many more evaluations before they give her a specific form of autism.....please call your docter and if you live in the states call your school district they have to evaluated her at age 3 it is a federal law ......

Answer 7

Lock her in an empty room and ignore her screaming until she stops. She'll learn. You have to be in control so enforce everything you say and ignore fighting with her; you can't let her think she can throw a fit and get her way.

Answer 8

I'm sorry if this is frank, but have u tried busting their butt. i was raised up like that and i am well mannered and don't throw fits. if u can us this as a last resort. if u need any advise about how to do it email me at [e-mail]

Answer 9

take her to a pediatric behavioral specialist.