Can you please give me some good advice?

Question

We have been together for nearly 5 years, unmarried, no kids, we're 24, and were virgins when we met.

He cheated on me in november in a one night stand and confessed all by himself three weeks later-there was no way I'd have known or found out otherwise.I told him I would forgive and forget until I found out that he had her number and she slept over in his apartment twice (he said nothing happened either time tho).When I caught him lying about calling her and getting texts from her I dumped him by text.

When we met up 2 or 3 days after that he wanted to get back together but I asked if he was curious about other people and he said yes so I said we should take a break and see other people over Xmas.

He slept with someone else on thursday 22nd, and he said it was awkward and boring,and he didn't enjoy it, he says loves me and can't wait to see me in the new year.

I'm supposed to be meeting him tomorrow.

Any advice?

Is this something he can just get out of his system?

Answer 1

Ugh... okay, I'll admit that it MIGHT be possible - but he's LIED to you about talking with her. I dunno girl. If you still want to be with him, I'd give him another chance, but do so very cautiously and with utter awareness of that adage "once a cheater, always a cheater." It may also be wise to be a little cooler with him than you have been. He needs to know that your trust has been violated and it will take time and proven effort on his part to heal that wound.

Answer 2

This, sadly, is what often happens when two people are "playing house" or "playing at" being a couple You've got no "papers" on your man, so in the eyes of the law, he isn't YOUR man at all, and is free as air. There was never any promise of marriage, or even expectation of it from the looks of it, because when a woman has been going with a man for five years, and he hasn't even suggested taking that relationship to the obvious next level, it is pretty clear that he's just very comfortable with the way things are, and has no wish to commit himself to anything. You have been willing to settle for that, so why would he change now?
No, this is NOT something he will "get out of his system" You are being played, and already he is beginning to see that he can get away with some "coochy coo" on the side, and all he has to do is give you a little bit of "sugar" about how "it wasn't any good anyway, and it didn't mean anything and it's YOU he really loves, and you are ready to meekly buy it. My dear, you had better get rid of this loser, or the next thing I predict is you coming up pregnant, because somehow you will get the idea that if the two of you have a baby together, suddenly everything will change and you will be one happy little family, all set to live happy ever after. It ain't gonna happen, trust me. You can hear me now, and tell this jerk to head on down the road and into the sunset. Or, I guarantee, you will believe me later, when my prediction comes true.

Answer 3

Um dont get back wiht hom. He has now slept with two people and I dont think that his curiosity is gone yet. I say get rid of him. If he were a truly great guy and truly loved u, he would have come to u B4 cheating on you and said that he was curious about other people and wanted to date some others. I would think that after 5 yrs he would at least give u that courtesy. But he didnt... and then he slept with someone else, both while u were together andf then while u were on a break. I say kick him to the curb and find a new guy who isnt curious about other people.

Answer 4

Five years is a long time to throw away. If you want to struggle through this, you can try it. Chances are he is bored, which is natural. He could've approached it a better way though, that's for sure.

Try not to lead him on too much, you don't want him to think you're desperate to get back with him; he'll take advantage of you. I'd steer clear of this guy until he makes a heart felt appology. Discuss the situation with him when he (and if he already has) and that is why you can make your decision.. if it's just something that he needed to get out of his system.

Good luck with your meeting, and you reserve the right to be angry. If he can't handle that, then you deserve someone better. No one deserves going through something as terrible as being cheated on.

Answer 5

I think that sometimes good people make mistakes, and maybe that is what is going on. The first cheating incident you have all rights to be mad about. You have no right to be upset about anything after you said let's see other people. The fact that he had her number and she slept over twice and he said nothing went on sounds like he thinks you are naive - which he could be counting on your loyalty to him as your first. I would send him packing, but the only way to decide if he is a dirtbag is to give him the opportunity to hurt you again and you have to decide if you are ready to give up on him or if you are willing to trust him again. Keep in mind though that the relationship will not work if you will be constantly stressed about his fidelity.

Answer 6

If he didnt cheat on you then I would say yes it could be something he needed to get out of his system, he could of easily say lets take a break instead of cheating. You have to be careful because once a cheater always a cheater no matter if its 4 months from now or 4 years from now. Let him know dont you will not stand for the **** anymore if you were to get back together, just be honest with yourself and to him, and you should be alright

Answer 7

Yes, his IS curious about other people. You've been together a long time and were young when you met so now he wants to experience what he "missed out on". Don't let all this fool you. If you let it happen, he'll know he can do it again and again. He may care for you, but Love isn't what he's feeling. Its comfort. And obviously he doesn't care about what you're feeling. From personal experience, get checked by your doctor, lose his number, move on, and start anew. You'll thank me one day.

Answer 8

I would give it a few months to see if he can get it out of his system entirely. If you are comfortable with the idea of him having other partners and your not, then let him run it out of his system but you would be a fool to allow it to go on while dating him. IE, no sex with you while he's sexing other girls. Then when you think he's got it out of his system and you are willing to take him back (make him get tested for STD's). Take him back - under the condition that he cheats once and he's history. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a long term cheater. BTW - I sincerely doubt nothing happened on those two sleep over nights - but consider that he did fess up without you finding out. On the other side of that you have to consider did he think there would be a possibility of you finding out some other way you were unaware of. You are in a dangerous - sticky situation, proceed with caution and do what you feel in right in your heart.

Answer 9

Ok fair enuf if you 4gave him the 1st time, but having her number, txtin & having her sleep ova (weather anythink happened or not) is so out of order hun!

Forget the break, get rid, once a cheat always a cheat, he wants his cake & eat it, He wants to sleep about but tells you its boring so you'll think he misses me & wants me so hes got u wrapped round your finger, he ist worth all the heart ache & pain that he'll probably bring to you in the future if you stay with him!

Id get out while you still can, no kids, no marriage, think about if he done it & u had kids & was married to him????

Hope this helps, wana speak more msg me!

Answer 10

Possibly, but if you have been faithful to eachother till now, its gonna take a long time for him to get over his little episodes! People can change, but do you want to wait for that and possibly get some horrible disease while he's doing this and what if he gets someone pregnant, can u deal with that? Think it over, u deserve better. Let him go have fun, but don't wait, if down the road he changes then maybe, but not right now.

Answer 11

he is displaying the symptoms of sexual addiction... the lying, making and breaking promises, sleeping with two other persons in the same month.

sexual addiction is tough to break without therapy and group support.

Do not see him tomorrow. Tell him that you suspect he is a sex addict and that the two instances of infidelity in November were not the only occasions. Ask him to come clean with you. If he continues to lie, or if he refuses to admit that he has a problem, you need to forget about him.