over this past summer I was using my boyfriend's computer and discovered that he had visited quite a few (in my opinion...DISGUSTING) websites about young asian girls. I told him that it made me feel like I'm not good enough, then I left, and we spent a night apart..and never spoke of it again.
A few weeks ago, we were out drinking and after lot of alcohol, he asked me if I had forgiven him yet, and he apologized, and then told me that he had stopped...I just changed the subject, and felt some relief that he had acknowledged the problem, and had stopped.
This morning, I was using his computer...and there it was..about 15 websites. WTF? I don't understand why he would tell me he stopped, when he hasn't. I know it is stupid, but I have strong personal reasons why I hate porn, and it makes me feel almost the same as if I have been cheated on. It's embarassing. If it was the start of a relationship, he'd be gone- but we've been together 2 years..should I still break up with him?
2007-01-04 09:03:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just as an addition...we have a great sex life..I mean..6/7 days a week..and on weekends its 2 or 3x a day. I mean, it' not like I don't give him anything and he's resorting to porn. THAT's why I feel like I give all that I do, and it's still not enough. And we try new things...a lot. I've offered to watch videos with him and he refuses...I just don't understand whyyyyy it HAS to be a necessity in his life. What purpose does it serve when he can have the real thing with me? I'm surprisingly open..and he knows that
2007-01-04 09:13:42 · update #1
All guys like porn. There isn't anything you can do about it. Think of it this way, would you rather he watch porn or go to thailand and get AIDS and give it to you?
You could get another guy but there is a 99 percent chance he will like porn too.
Just get over it.
2007-01-04 09:08:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 4⤋
2
2016-07-19 01:41:06 · answer #2 · answered by Karen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watching is normal, natural and a reality for both genders. There are just as many women who like to look as there are men. Most of us are visual people when it comes to sex. The difference is what do we, or more specifically him, what does he do when he is stimulated after watching. Does he masturbate while watching to the point of ejaculation, or does he then turn those desires to you? If the answer is the first choice, then perhaps you need to be present while he watches so then he can take out those aggressions on you. Who knows you might even like it enough to be turned on and make it a great evening of love and romance not to mention great sex. Let him know it's ok to watch, afterall it's better than him going to swingers clubs, strip joints or some other outlet. If he enjoys those things you might also try doing some of the things he is watching online for him in person. Do a slow strip then masturbate for him. It could be a real fun time for you both.
2016-05-23 03:41:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you broke up with him, it wouldn't change his behavior and you'd catch the next guy doing the same. Your boyfriend was using pornography long before he met you and he'll continue to do it until he's got no sex drive left.
As crude as it may sound to you, people have needs. Some of them resort to porn. If I were you, I'd be thankful that your boyfriend didn't resort to more extreme measures to satisfy his urges. He sounds like a normal kind of guy who wants you to be happy.
I'd suggest leaving this part of his life alone. Men need to look at naked ladies now and then, and it has no bearing whatsoever on how he feels toward you.
UPDATE: I respect your feelings about pornography. Some of it can be exploitive and degrading -- or as you put it, disgusting. But are you really as open as you say you are? I'm not saying that everything here is all your fault.
Your man needs to be more considerate of your feelings and he shouldn't have lied to you about quitting porn (I doubt he really thought he could do this at the time, so he must've known he was lying to spare your feelings). But you could do more to try to understand him as well.
A common reaction for women in your position is, "What do those Web sites have that I don't?" And the answer is usually, "It's quick and easy." Sometimes men don't want to pester their wives for sex. It can be an inconsiderate thing to do, so they resort to porn instead of bothering you every time they get in the mood.
You are not being cheated on. There are millions of women who have been cheated on who would kill for a man as faithful as yours. It sounds like you have a stand-up guy on your hands, but you need to talk to him and re-examine some of your attitudes on male sexuality.
2007-01-04 09:08:05 · answer #4 · answered by Jeff 3 · 5⤊ 2⤋
the internet and these web sites are like a drug to people!!! once they start they cant keep off it, i see them you know the type tht sit on till 2am in the morning, my boyfriend was on swingers websites and lots of other filthy websites, i told him to delete all of it or i was off, and as far as i know his deleted it, but there is always that feeling that his still doing it! i think once this man has told you he has stopped and his still doing it his lied to you and you want to tell him ur not going to accept this kind of behaviour no longer, but to tell you the truth chick they will always go bk to it, so it ends up being a trust problem then, tell him to get rid of it and leave it for a few days and look again, if his been bk on i would end the relationship cos not only has he lied to you, his doing something that hurts you, and if he thought anything of you he would get rid of it,sorry to say but i would either accept it or move on cos no man gets rid of what he does/goes on, on the internet!
2007-01-04 09:10:58 · answer #5 · answered by ice_castles 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
this question comes up all the time...and it's the same answer...dudes love porn, filthy porn and the more porn they see the more new porn they want to see...all dudes do it, your dad does it, your grandfather did it...get over it.
as far as him telling you he stopped and didn't...well, that's a lie and you should watch a dude who lies closely.
but...how about staying out of his personal files...it's not like you keep that stuff on the desk top, you had to go looking for it...which makes me think you are looking for other reasons to get rid of this dude.
but the porn...it doesn't mean he doesn't think your not hot, or that he doesn't love you, or your not good enough, it's just he has some very kinky, all be it, normal stuff he feels more comfortable exploring on line then with you...picture this, let's says he thinks he's into kinky Asian girls( all dudes are) but after visiting the web site(maybe 10 times) he decided that it's not for him...does that mean he wants to dump you for that kind of girl? no, it doesn't, it means he has a healthy imagination and a will to try things.
he's normal, so are you...just keep talking about it..maybe you'll find something you like together.
2007-01-04 09:32:35 · answer #6 · answered by Doctor J. 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You should try talking to him one last time. It is ok for you to have personal reasons for him not to look at it. If this is truly a belief of yours tell him that you want a relationship with someone that doesn't look at it. If he says he will stop but continues to do it leave the relationship. There are several men that do not have the urge to watch porn.
2007-01-04 09:19:26 · answer #7 · answered by Venus 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
You should probably talk to him, and make it known how offended you are by it, and how it makes you feel, especially that he lied to you. But the fact is, 95% of guys are gonna look at porn on at least a minimal basis. He's not the only guy in a serious relationship that wacks off to porn.
2007-01-04 09:08:43 · answer #8 · answered by jaymes_07 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You're going to have a difficult time finding a guy who doesn't look at porn, so you might as well stay with him if you care about him.
I'm sorry it disgusts you, but it's normal for guys to look at porn. As long as he isn't into scary fetishes or animals or anything like that, there isn't anything wrong with him.
It doesn't mean you aren't good enough for him. After all, he's using the porn when you're not around.
2007-01-04 09:08:14 · answer #9 · answered by Iris 4 · 4⤊ 5⤋
He is probably not going to stop this, and if it is a deal-breaker for you, you need to break up with him. Are you two open enough with each other to share your fantasies and talk openly about stuff like that?
2007-01-04 09:07:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋