My bf and I have been talking about getting married. He is 31 and I'm 26. I'm divorced so I know what I want and it's him. Even though we have only dated for 5 months. He to has dated a lot and we just know that we want each other. So anyways my question....We have talked about marriage and even so just the fact of going to Las Vegas and eloping. But when we talk about eloping he says that we have to wait until we have dated one year. I don't get it. What's the point of eloping if it's not spontanous? I don't know why he wants to wait a year. I know he wants a better job B4 we get married but I keep telling him that is something we can work with together...Married. Am I wrong for thinking this too? I know we have dated a short time but we know that we are made for each other so please don't say we need to date longer or things like that.
2007-01-04 08:58:53 · 10 answers · asked by browneyegirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm sorry...He wants to wait a year of dating to just be engaged. Not including marriage....
2007-01-04 09:15:18 · update #1
So what's wrong w/waiting another 7 months? He wants to marry you, yet he wants to be secure and make sure he can support you.
Give him that chance...that's what men want, is to take care of their women. Why are you in such a hurry?
2007-01-04 09:02:34 · answer #1 · answered by Vanity 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Only he knows why he wants to wait a year. You will just have to ask him. Maybe he is listening to someone else's advice or either he just wants to see if he still feels the same in a year. Whatever the reason he needs to clue you in on it whether you agree or not. Maybe he figures he will have a good job by then. I think the eloping along with being spontaneous is also a lot cheaper. If I ever do it again, that is the way I am going to go! Good Luck!
2007-01-04 17:03:19 · answer #2 · answered by healergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stated you've been married before...
Then you should be able to appreciate the importance of pre-marital counseling. If you choose not to seek out premarital counseling ..... then be sure your second marriage will be doomed.
You also stated that you don't want to hear anyone say "you need to date longer" that's because deep in you heart you know that's true and something you should definitely do. You seem to be very young (maturity wise .... no disrespect intended) and impulsive.
There is a song entitled... "Only Fools Rush In" There is a heap of truth to that statement. This is marriage your talking about... and your second at that. The wisest thing you should desire is to make sure it will be a successful marriage.
In order to have that you need to be informed and mentally healthy so that you can truly know what you're getting yourself into. MORE TIME will help and also counseling. You can and should seek counseling together and apart.
You need to know how he reacts in various situations. You also need to be aware of how he will deal with things like: finances, morals, fidelity, anger, pressure, dissapointments, children, major decisions, household chores, future goals/plans, etc. You need to know or find out what the worst part of his character/behavior is and after finding out what that is... ask yourself this question: "If the very worst part of his character/behavior never changed or got worse would I be willing to live with that for the rest of our lives together?"
If the answer is no... then run. If the answer is yes, then whatever that bad behavior or awful character flaw is... deal with it and never complain to anyone about it EVER!
Please do yourself a huge favor and try and get all the information you can about this person because the old saying goes... "Fool me once shame on you... fool me twice shame on me"
Your other statments were: "we want each other" and "we know that we are made for each other" Well, clearly you need to understand the meaning of a life filled with purpose and please understand that it means soooooooo much more that wanting each other or being made for each other.
In the end... the decision is going to be up to you... so hopefully you will not just go with a response that you perfer to hear rather than the actual factual. By the way spontanaity is great if your buying a pair of shoes or deciding to cut your hair, drop by and see grandma, etc.... but deciding to get married in a spontaneous manner.. uh..... not so much.
ok then... there you go.
Peace out!
2007-01-04 17:36:49 · answer #3 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey haven't you learned anything in your first marriage. You have to give yourself time. Remember that dating is soooo much different than being married. I know I have been married for 16 years to the same man. Right now, he's not too sure if he wants to elope just give him time to make it spontaneous.
2007-01-04 17:03:09 · answer #4 · answered by firmiedylan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm down. A man want to know that he can provide for you and you are lucky that you've found that in your bf. Be patient and let him get himself together to be all the man he wants to be for you. Understand where he's coming from. If he has a better job, he can get you a nice ring and you can have a nice wedding or house. He's planning for the future. And you're thinking for the moment. Shame on you!
2007-01-04 17:03:47 · answer #5 · answered by nochickenhead 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you're not wrong for thinking this, but if you're really going to be together forever and you're really sure about the relationship, what's the harm in waiting the extra months before getting married. once you know you've found 'the one', marriage is just a title anyway.
2007-01-04 17:06:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wait it out, by then it will be much clearer, plus 5 months IS a very short time. I think he wants to make sure it'll work.
2007-01-04 17:02:23 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Surrender 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being sensible, you seem to be in a rush considering you've already been married before. Waiting a bit longer makes sense, it won't do any harm if you're both sure.
2007-01-04 17:02:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he's not ready to marry, you should give him some time. It's not like you're not seeing eachother if you're not married. Just be patient. Good luck.
2007-01-04 17:03:53 · answer #9 · answered by Tess 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well ultimately you can't convince him on anything other than what he wants..so you might as well just keep reminding him you are ready when he and wait another 7 months.
2007-01-04 17:02:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋