Should I confess?

Question

Started dating current boyfriend within month of messy break-up. He introduced me to his mates and one night he went home tired and was happy for me to go on to a club with 2 of his mates. One of them had a wife just leave him and he had a very well paid job. I had just spent the last 2 years practically parenting my last boyfriend (minimum wage, no car, completely useless, etc.) In an effort to boost my ego combined with an attraction & wanting some excitement (this is all looking back it was definately NOT planned) I asked him if he was attracted to me. He responded by backing off and saying he wouldn't do that to a mate (i.e my current boyfriend). Later on we had a bit of a clinch where his hands went under my top at the back but nothing else. This was 18mths ago and at a party the other mate recently made a suggestion thet he knew about it. I love my boyfriend and wished I'd never done it. Do you think I should say anything? Me and current boyfriend very serious now and hope to wed

Answer 1

Dont even think of ruining your relationshipr for something trivial, so long ago.
Marry, but stay faithful and true.
Be happy in the future

Answer 2

I would suggest that you inform your current boyfriend of the poor choices you make that night. If it was due to alcohol that these things happened then you could say that (although in reality alcohol is no excuse for betrayal). If it was as you stated an ego boost then you could explain this to him also. If you do hope to wed this man then it is fair to go into it with desception and guilty feelings. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship and as such you should have a good, honest, open and mature discussion with this man. Certainly if he thinks enough of you he will forgive you (although I am almost certain that he will feel hurt a bit). Plus it would be much better coming from you rather than one of his mates, which is always a possibility and then you'd have some real explaining to do as for sure the story would have grown. Best of luck and please be honest in this relationship.

Answer 3

Yes, I suppose you'd better come clean before someone else does it for you, or worse, start blackmailing you.
Beside, marriage is supposed to be built on honesty and respect.
So, yes, one of the two, naming his friendship with his mates or your relationship might not survive the revelation.
But, remember that nothing happened, and it was 18 months ago. What's more, now you definitely know how you feel about him and wouldn't do anything like that again.
He'll need to understand why you did it, and if it could ever happen again.
Do the right thing and the best thing, tell him ASAP.
Good luck.xx

Answer 4

If you have any feeling that someone else may know about it, let it out before someone else does. I'm not saying you shouldn't tell him anyway, but secrets have a tendency of getting exposed some how. You are thinking about marrying this guy, there are vows you plan to take when you walk down that alter. Why would you go into those vows with a dirty slate? It sort of defeats the purpose before you even started.

I think you should sit your boyfriend down and tell him, don't feed him a bunch of excuses, just let him know when, how, and why. And then make sure you let him know why you are telling him this. He WILL be upset, no doubt about it, he has a right to be. But in the end, your truthfulness proves how much you are connected to him.

Answer 5

What would you prefer if you were in his shoes? On one hand, he might not understand that this event didn't mean anything to you. On the other hand, he should appreciate your sincerity (a belated one though). People do silly things when they are at a party (especially after a couple of drinks). That gesture doesn't seem so important, but it might show him that you are honest (honesty is pretty rare nowadays). Anyway, don't forget that the truth usually comes out sooner or later. Would you prefer that he found out the truth from someone else but you? All in all, you should listen to your heart and conscience when taking a decision. Try to find answers within yourself, not in others' opinion ;).

Answer 6

I would say it is nothing serious and forget about it - if the guy brings it up, you can laugh it off as nothing. If you can't forget it, tell your boyfriend that this has been on your mind but it was nothing, and you want to clear everything before you get married. Say you want to start off with a clean slate kind of thing.

Answer 7

You didnt do much really, and it was 18 months ago. I would tell your boyfriend. Say you'd practically forgotten it until this 'mate' brought it up again. Tell your boyfriend the whole thing honestly, and if he loves you i am sure he will not think it is worth worrying about.

Answer 8

Well first of all you should try to tell your boyfriend what happen. Tell him that you never did anything with the other mate. The same thing happen to me so i had to tell my boyfriend in order for me to feel good. So if this helps you try it! Its better for you tell him from your own mouth then from some other people to tell him the wrong story.

Answer 9

I guess you have to ask yourself will this always play on your mind and the fear of someone else telling him.

Would you not rather he heard it from you in the way you want to tell him or a cheesy jealous guy that spins the story to make you look bad.

Get it off your chest and if he overreacts perhaps he is not the one.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Why would you want to hurt him by telling him that, its your guilt, and your problem, not his, you will have to forgive yourself and move on, telling him will just make two people miserable instead of one, if he finds out somehow say you were drunk and cant remember, but you know nothing serious happened, which is mostly truth, and in future, if you cant live with something, dont do it!!