My friend is getting married in April.We've been best friends for 3 years.I'm supposed to be her maid of honor,but I'm not so sure I want to.It took her months to FINALLY decide on me.She flip-flopped between me,her sister,her out-of-state best friend,her older cousin...at one point she even thought about making us all her maid of "honor" because she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.Every time she argued with her sister or got mad at her other friend,she'd call me saying that she knew now that I'm a real friend and she has no doubts about choosing me to be her maid of honor.As soon as they made up,she was unsure again. Honestly,I'm not too set on being the MOH.It's not a big deal to me.I've told her that before,but she won't listen.Also she includes the other 3 maids in wedding planning,but hasn't really brought it up with me.We live down the street from each other & she doesn't work,so there are plenty of times we could talk.We just don't really hang out anymore.Should I decline?
2007-01-04 08:05:52 · 25 answers · asked by Keruma 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Okay, to answer a few of the questions:
1. I'm currently planning my own wedding. So, yes, I know exactly how stressful it is.
2.I'm not trying to be selfish.The other 3 girls REALLY want the honor.They're actually arguing about it.I just feel that it is HER day, so if she wants someone else to be the MOH then I shouldn't be upset about not getting picked.
3.As far as being sensitive of her schedule...she doesn't work, she doesn't have children, she goes to college part-time.Even though she lives with her fiance, her parents pay for everything including the wedding.On the other hand, my fiance and I live together...we both work full-time and go to school full-time,we're in the middle of planning our own wedding which we're paying for.My friend lives just down the street from me but can't find the time to spend with me.But she is still insisting that I be her Maid of Honor.I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm tired of getting jerked around and everybody telling me it's her day.
2007-01-04 08:37:39 · update #1
OK, I will grant you that brides tend to be stressed out - my sister was a flat-out maniac when she got married 9+ years ago (in fact, I'm **quite convinced** that I'm the one who coined the word "bridezilla" a decade ago when I began referring to her as such in conversations with our mother [who she was also making nutso with her issues]) - BUT what you're describing is a whole other level of psychosis. You're her MOH, then her sister, then her out-of-state best friend is, no, now it's you again...
She's probably crazy even when she's not preparing for a wedding, but can now use that as an excuse for her behavior. I would recommend that the next time you get demoted, say something like, "You know, you seem to be having a hard time making up your mind who you want to be your maid of honor. I'd like to make your decision a little easier, so please remove me from consideration. I'll be happy to help you with whatever you need, though."
I don't think there will be any upside for you if you do stay on as MOH. My sister IS a sane person, and at her reception, after the best man made his toast to her and her new husband, she turned to me and mouthed a heartfelt "thank you" with tears in her eyes. It made the months and months of planning (she lived 500 miles away, so I did a LOT of the legwork) and handling her craziness worthwhile. You will receive no such appreciation with this one.
Just say "no"!
2007-01-04 08:29:23 · answer #1 · answered by kcbranaghsgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you imagine your friend also being your Maid of Honor at your wedding? Also, will your children know her as "Aunt Jane" and be friends with her kids? Will you grow old together and reminisce about the 'good times' when you're in a nursing home? If no to any of these, you may want to decline the offer.
If you can imagine her being an integral part of your life forever and ever, then you should serve as her Maid of Honor. Good friends are hard to come by and you've been there for her through thick and thin. She deserves someone who will be supportive and caring about her, her fiance, their wedding, and their relationship.
Being a Maid of Honor comes with a lot of responsibility, like planning showers putting together a bachelorette party, and maintaining the sanity of the bride. Also, iin your situation, it sounds like there are other women who would rather have your prestigious position!
Good luck deciding :)
2007-01-04 14:15:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well think of it this way: what if YOU were getting married and asked her, your "BEST" friend to be your MOH and she declined. You'd be devastated. It's hard planning a wedding and deciding who would be the MOH when you have best friends, cousins, and a sister. Just put yourself in her shoes. I say go for it but if you want no part of the wedding say no. I can guarantee you though that she will feel really hurt if you decide not to participate.
Also, be GLAD you aren't being kept in the know about wedding planning...wedding planning is pure insanity!
2007-01-04 08:11:51 · answer #3 · answered by Mimi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk with her saying we dont really hang out so im not sure... well it was her sister and cousin and another best friend a sister is the closest person anyone can have. a cousin is the second and you and a nother best friend that would be a hard decition i would choose my sister(personally) because im close with her than anyone else even my best friend. If you two arnt really hanging out anymore i dont know about that...do you still talk with her? if so go for it and be the maid of honor if you dopnt talk don't be the maid of honor but go to her wedding. Really just follow your heart and pick the right answer but dont regret your answer after..good luck
2007-01-04 08:11:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The quickest and easiest way to get out of it (and I'm advising you to get out of it) is to tell her you can't afford it. Usually the Maid of Honor hosts the bridal shower. So there you are. Plus if you don't want to be it, then don't. You're going to have to go through the stress of it all.
And ignore all the people saying it's her wedding day. That means she can do as she pleases. It's not your responsibility to make her day. The sooner she knows, the better. Call her now.
2007-01-04 09:18:44 · answer #5 · answered by nochickenhead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, considering that you have your own wedding coming up, it would be acceptable to bow out if done gracefully: "While I am very honored that you asked, I am so busy planning my own wedding and I don't want anything to stop you from enjoying your own wedding so I was thinking it might be better to have one of your other friends as the MOH who will have more time to really be there for you." Make it about her:)
2007-01-04 10:40:45 · answer #6 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By April she may have changed her mind again. If you really don't want to be her MOH, explain to her that you don't feel like a MOH since she only includes the other 3 maids in the planning and you've drifted apart.
2007-01-04 08:11:36 · answer #7 · answered by Raven 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes you should because it sounds like to me thats she's only using yo for a bak up plan just incase the ladies that she really wants doens't fall through sweetie she is using and I find it very unfair that she put you in a situation like this.and have u thought to ask yourself that u two stay right down the street from eachother if she really wanted to fall through with how come she doesnt pick up the phone so you guuys can due lunch to about wedding plans.my advice to u is to just decline and be happy 4 her.and let her know she not making u feel happy about the whole thing,
2007-01-04 08:12:46 · answer #8 · answered by blaque 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that MOH is someone that you trust and love. They are responsible for minute wedding details. With her fliping her MOH like she changes underwear you don't feel comfortable being her MOH.
Get ready not to be in the wedding, bridzilla can be tough.
Good luck!
2007-01-04 08:25:43 · answer #9 · answered by reptmd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
her sister and family should come first! and the out of state friend has she been friends with longer? as to having time to hang out - have you ever planned a wedding? they are very stress-full and time consuming. if you don't consider her a friend anymore then don't accept. but it sound to me like you are being a tad selfish about her time and feelings! im sure you have heard the old famous saying blood is thicker then water im sure she has some one else lined up if you say no!
2007-01-04 08:11:47 · answer #10 · answered by noel22f 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋