my step daughter is hateful to me when she spends a lot of time with her real mother.?

Question

when my step daughter spends a lot of time with her real mother she is very hateful and disrespectful towards me. it gets so bad to the point where i feel it would be easier for me to divorce and just take care of my two kids all by myself. i have been to that point 2 times already. the sad part is that my husband and i dont have ANY problems it is just the way his daughter treats me when she has been with her mom for a long period of time. i know that her mom always talks bad about me while they are over there. she is a dead beat mom, walked out and left her two kids and husband whom she cheated on behind while she went out and drank all the time. she owes us like almost $4,000 in backed child support and only has to pay $150.00 a month for 2 kids. could someone tell me if the court would see what she is doing as a type of abuse? and how do i get my step daughter to see what she is doing?

she knows i am not trying to take her moms place, i have told her many times. shes knows it is best that her parents didnt stay together. we never have any problems with one another until she spends a lot of time with her. i dont want to be her mom just her friend and i want her to respect me and appreciate the things i do for her.

Answer 1

Situation normal her mother is playing her against u its difficult but just try to be the best mum u can.

Answer 2

I don't really see why she's so mean to you. You could try and go to court and have the visitation rights removed if you think her birth mother is a bad influence. I mean it doesn't sound like you have done anything to make her hate you or anything. Have you or your husband ever talked to her about it? I have a step-mom and when we first met I didn't like her either, but it was only because I felt like she had somehow come between my parents and kept them from getting back together. But that was about 8 years ago and for the past 4 we've been pretty good friends. If there's nothing wrong with you and your husband you shouldn't leave him because of his daughter. Try limiting the long periods of time where she sees her mom. I mean I know it seems kinda harsh but it doesn't sound like her mother treated her right in the first place. His daughter may have some problems with her parents being divorced so maybe you could try family counseling or something like that. best wishes!

Answer 3

What I suggest doing is talking to your husband about his daughter's behavior, and how it DOES affect your marriage, since she is his blood he is the one to deal with her, do not resent your stepdaughter because in reality, she didn't as to be in this situation, you can tell her till you're blue in the face, that you do not want to take her mother's place but thats not the problem, the problem seems to be that she knows how much dirt you have on her mom, how much you probably dislike her mom, and how there won't ever be peace between her parents, Don't talk to your step daughter about her mother in any way because it will only make you look like "the evil step mother" just show that you do care about her, the same way you would want your children treated if they were in another person's care, As for the nature of the discussion that your husband should have with your step daughter is that you are his wife, and that you do care about her, but that she needs to respect you, otherwise, any disrespect that she shows towards you is disrespect to him and that any other action after that warning should be disciplined, such as she can't go out with friends, go out for the weekend, and ask your husband to talk to the ex wife, and ask if she might be experiencing the same behavior with anyone she might be living with as well, so that way they can both take measures to get this problem dealt with, thats IF they are on speaking terms, but it has to be ok with both parties, and that inclludes you, if you really want this dealt with you will try anything to keep the peace and sometimes enemies unite for the toughest situations, hey if you did that it might get into your step daughter's head that it isn't right to be doing this, because the mother wouldn't condone it either, make peace to keep it, do not divorce over her actions, it would only inspire her to create more hassle for you and your husband. Good Luck

Answer 4

Step-children are the hardest to raise. I have two. I have been with them since they were 2 and 4, they call me dad and they actual dad by his name. Go figure. We did not encourage this in any way when we first got married. The son and I get along really well, but the daughter as really had an attitude since she was about 12. the biggest mistake I made, was trying to be their parent, and the mother would not back me up. I should have approached this as being their friend, and coach, and her handle the discipline

Answer 5

I have the same problem. I have asked our attorney if that is mental abuse. He says that unless you can prove her statements are causing harm to the child we have no case. This is what I did. I told the mom in front of her boys that I am not there to replace her, that the bond between a mother and child is special and that I would never jeopardize that by disrespecting her in front of her children, whether she is there or not. And I would expect out of common courtesy that she should do the same for me because whether she likes it our not I am a caretaker to her children as well. Not only is it not fair to me it is mostly not fair to the boys to put them in that situation. I will tell you though, she didn't seem to get anything out of it but the boys have certainly changed their tune with me.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have a problem there.. Talk to the Girl with your husband there..and tell her that if she does not smarten up you will have to let her go live somewhere else. If she chooses to go live with her mother, tell her she is not welcomed back, I doubt if she will be so willing to go live with a mother that abandoned her and I doubt her mom will want her permanently. I think your husband should also talk to his x-wife, and tell her that if she does not smarten up and stop talking bad about you, he will not only allow his daughter to visit, he will just sent her to live with her permanently.. and then he should talk to his lawyer about what can be done.. If this child comes back so poisoned by her mother, she should not be allowed to go there. Get some help.. Good Luck

Answer 7

You really can't get her to see what her mother is doing, she's not ready to see that. In her eyes, her mother is the hero here. As for her behavior in your house with your husband, your husband, her father, her PARENT, has to step up and say something to her, to make her mind you. She is living in your house, after all, and she has to be respectful to you at all times. She doesn't have to like you, but she does have to be respectful.

As for her mother owing back child support, you could contact the courts and see if they can garnish her wages to make up for the back child support, or she will be jailed for it.

Don't let this child break up your marriage. If she is of legal age, she can move out, or be put out, if you don't want her there. If she is not of legal age, maybe it would be better if she moved in with her mother, if she is happier there. Then, she will see her mother for the person that she really is, and won't be able to hide from it.

In the meantime, you treat her with respect; do what is necessary for her, feed her, clothe her, and put a roof over her head, but don't go out of your way for her, until she can reciprocate. That means, not doing her laundry, not paying for anything for her, in the way of school activities, giving her money for anything, not cleaning her room, etc. If she needs money, she can go to her parents for it, or earn it herself. Good luck.

Answer 8

a baby that calls a guy her father dose no longer understand the meaning organic and organic yet and purely must be enjoyed. considering the fact that I even have been down the line with huge apple very own daughter i think i will placed some enter. i'd purely verify that your ex needs to stay in her life. some step mom and father can love a step baby lots as their very own together as others can no longer make that bond.i think lots as to due with the baby's age. yet you will desire to "love your baby better than you hate your ex"

Answer 9

There is no reason to break up a perfect relationship because of a childs bad behavior. Talk to the girl or better yet tell her dad to talk to her. And dont let her spend too much time at her moms.good luck!!

Answer 10

you need to get professional help for her. i would imagine this is very hard on her. mother walks out, leaves her,also a drunk. that alone would hurt a young girl. i could only imagine the hurt she is still causing her. she is most likely filled with anger and you get it thrown at you. i hope you follow though with this before she is damaged any further, and to keep your family together. good luck!