Need some advice on how much to step back with adult sons?

Question

I have 3 sons 30, 27, and 21 ; they are successful; finished college; have strong , independent girlfriends/wife that I get along with ; never any problems until this past year when my 30 yr old facing intestinal reconstruction told me to get the h out of room that he doesn't need a mommy any more; (when several days before he called me begging for advice about a second opinion for the surgery) my next son, I asked him to leave at 26 after never contributing etc (told me I would have to evict him) he moved out and is now getting married next year (of course he asked for money for the wedding) my youngest son just had a big argument with me and told me that I borrow money when he was in high school and never paid him back 150.00 - he lives under my roof; helped him with car; my heart breaks for the things that they said to me this year and I burst into tears at the drop of a hat? What do I do now , step back , give time , any advice ; oops there goes another tear! I am so hurt

I call once in a while to say hello ; don't make a pest of myself; don't show up uninvited ; don't come empty handed ; offer to help when I can

Answer 1

Is understandable that you are heartbroken. Kids no matter what age will disrespect for various reasons. They will take their anger out on the very one they love the most. You sound depressed. You would benefit by talking with a counselor of psychology. As you know it isn't easy being a Mom. But you roll with the punches. Never give up on your kids. But never give up on yourself either. Take what they say with a grain of salt. I know is very difficult to do. Stand your ground. Book an appointment. You need support from an outside source. Good luck.

Answer 2

I have 3 kids Two sons and a daughter. 25 son, 19 daughter, 16 son. At the age of 12 they all went brain dead. The 25 year old as recovered the 19 year old is showing signs of improvement the 16 year old is still there. Treat them all the same. If they ask for advice give it. If they ask for money, make them sign a promissory note. If they act like they don't want you around, send cards and notes for b-day let them know you are there when they need you, but if you need them they have to be there for you.

Answer 3

Been there done that. Put some space between you and your sons. Let them make the next move. I would reach out to them at holidays with a card, nothing overly mushy, no money, and maybe a simple phone call. Sometimes adult children forget that parents have feelings too. They will come around. Sometimes it is not in our timing though, moms like it to be sooner rather than later.
L.

Answer 4

As both a child and a mother I can tell you that children can be evil little snots but they always love us and we always love them. I guess we tend to be hard on Mom because we know she will love us no matter what. Raising children never ends but sometimes you get a vacation. Give it time and a little space and I am sure it will work itself out. Just make sure you let them know you love them. Hallmark has has a card for every day of the week and every situation available. Invest in some stamps because it is far easier to hold your tongue and they can talk back to the card all they want but it won't hurt your feelings

Answer 5

Heartbreak. Been there. Let go and never let them see the hurt. For the son that is having surgery: He will always need his mommy. Yet, to admit that is to say to him that he is still a baby. So pray and wait for him to reach to you. Continue to check on him , but don't linger. Go through the wife (ouch). I know. I do believe that the groom is responsible for the reception if you can afford it do and if not offer to go halves. For the youngest whip his butt and tell him that if he never borrowed from you; you sure haven't borrowed from him. Lastly, bluntly tell them that you will not stand for any disrespect. If they want you to step back you will, but they will under no no circumstances disrespect you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S. Find the Word and a hobby to fill the void.

Answer 6

I actually have an 11 year previous stepson too. He would not stay with us complete time regardless of the indisputable fact that, basically on weekends. you want to purchase a cupboard with a lock or perchance a chance-free to placed those snacks in. both that or commence getting more desirable at hiding them. cover them on your mattress room closet or interior the trunk of your vehicle or someplace. My stepson would not take stuff to promote at school, yet he does raid the snacks when we are not interior the kitchen. My answer became to give up paying for them and having basically bananas, apples, dried fruit, yogurt and crackers round. No little ones opt to be eating slender Jims, chips and sweet bars. My daughter is in daycare and that i'd be p1ssed in the journey that they fed her that junk each day. It sounds like he's not pleased with the present concern and having you interior the image. He will be jealous of your toddler too. My wager is that he's under no circumstances been disciplined right. sounds like he's been in a position to flee with countless stuff. of route he should be disciplined for this. he's stealing funds and stealing the relatives's foodstuff to promote. what's he doing with the money? Any baby should be punished for stealing from their father and mom. Your husband is a fool if he lets that habit bypass through. In yet another 5 yrs the boy will be stealing your autos and breaking into human beings's domicile to scouse borrow their issues. Is mom interior the image in any respect? there's no way i'd be at liberty if I were in this concern. in case you do not discipline this baby and prepare him that stealing is faulty, that's basically going to worsen. Being a step confirm is an noticeably complicated pastime. For me, that's harder parenting a stepchild than my own baby. it really is a deal breaker in a wedding ceremony too, in case you at the instantaneous are not prepared for it.

Answer 7

Just step back and let him make his own decisions, mistakes and all. In time he will realize how much your "interferring" has helped him. We have to let them make their own mistakes. After all is said and done, he will understand more as he gets a little older and has made more mistakes. If there is any way, I would suggest you pay him back the $150.00, even if it's in installments.

Answer 8

They obviously don't value you very much right now or realize the things you try to do for them. Step back and let them make the next move. They'll realize they miss you calling and will call you.

Answer 9

your sons sound like they need to grow up. with the 21 year old, he lives under your roof and you pay the bills. if you dont want to pay him back dont. but you teach people how to treat you, you obviosly let them walk over you, and now you want to stand up for yourself. which by the way you should do, they will be mad at you at first, but in the end respect you for it.

Answer 10

You need to put some space between you and your sons, period. They are grown up and can take care of themselves. Tell that son who lives with you to get his own apartment. They are not going to abandon you. When they see that you mean business they will respect you.