Being the mom I want to be?

Question

I just turned 23 years old and have a 2 year old daughter and I am 24 weeks pregnant. I am currently in school full time (i graduate in May with a Psych/Soc degree) and I work part time. Growing up I had always wanted kids but I'm not the mom i always thought i would be and even though i know this I don't change it or no how. (I don't hit my child or anything like that) i just wish i did things with her or was more patience. I know I have a busy schedule but when I'm homw I don't know how to find the enegry or desire to interact and do the tings i had always planned on doing. I feel so guilty and hate myself half the time.

Answer 1

You are definately not alone. As moms we all go through this. Even moms that are able to devote most of their time to their children still worry about the quality of time. We are moms, unfortunately worrying comes with the territory. By asking this question I can see that you love your children and want the best for them, I am sure that you are doing a great job. The best advice that I can give you is to trust your instincts. You may find as your children get a bit older that it becomes much easier for you. I was so tired during the baby and toddler years that I often felt as you do. Now that my children are a little bit older it is much easier for me. I can take my six year old on a special shopping trip for a gift for her teacher and we chat away in the car. The evryday tasks that we must do seem like errands to us, but to the kids they are often adventures with mom.
Keep your head up, your children are very lucky to have such a caring Mom, it will all fall into place.

Answer 2

First, stop hating yourself and feeling guilty. There is nothing in the past you can change, but you can ALWAYS alter your future. I know it is hard to find the time and energy to interact, but keep in mind you are not Superwoman. You don’t have to spend hours on end with your child. Although we all would love to, it is just not possible. The only thing we can do is remember you are working for your child. Everything you do, is for your children. Grasp at even the smallest of moments; a minute here or there, or an hour here or there. Get what you can, and do what you can do with what you have. No energy? Watch a movie together, read a book, or sit and talk. Just sit and start to tickle your child. You will be amazed at how much that laugh alone will make you want to get up and do more.

Answer 3

You sweet thing you. Now, take it from a mom of 6, you can find some time and pateints is learned. Reading a book to her is great quality time and it takes about 10-15 minutes each night, This seems simple, but it will help her and you have time that is all about her. Also, at two kids love to sing and be sung to. There are simple things that do not take a lot of time that will help you and now that you have another on the way, you may want to schedule that time with the two year old as if it were a class you are taking. You would not miss class and your daughter is more important then school, so prioritize your schedule, or take one less class and make that her time. The school is not going anywhere and she is getting older everyday. Don't miss out on the at home years of your daughter, you can not take time back.
Good Luck

Answer 4

I think that is the plight of the parent to always feel like you're not doing enough. I definitely think you're putting an awful lot on yourself too which is probably why you're so tired when you get home. Early pregnancy just saps you anyway and with your schedule on top of that, I'm surprised you haven't pulled all your hair out. Your kid still loves you, at that age, you're the greatest person ever invented. Is there anyway you can help though? Like the father or your mother? Also, I know it always seems like you've evaluated all the options, but maybe there's one you've overlooked that would be able to let you quit your job and just focus on being a student and a mommy. More student loans? Support from the daddy? Just wrack your mind and see what you come up with, you're obviously resourceful. Don't feel too bad though! :-) You're just trying to do your best.

Answer 5

The fact that you are worried about this shows you are a good mom. Love is what your babies need most, and that is what you are giving them. When you get frustrated and tired, look at thier little faces and remember why you are doing this. You are going full speed towards a career that will provide a better future for them. Once you are done with your degree and get going with your new job, it will get easier. For now, just be strong for your babies and your own sanity.

One more thing.... Give yourself a break every day. Once the little one goes down for a nap or bed, take at least a half hour to recharge. Don't do any housework, homework, or anything - just be still and relax.

Answer 6

well, yes you do havea busy schedule, but you have it because you are preparing a great furure for you and your family. sometimes we arent what we wish we were, but over time you begin to change without hardly realizing it. you seem to love you daughter, and may be looking forward to this next blessing, so need to try even harder to spend quality time with your daughter now because when this next child comes into the family, your daughter may actually realize how little you two spend time together and may end up with a problem later in life with being separated.
patience can be hard, but at what cost is it to you? you have this 2 year old blessing at your feet begging you for attention everytime she aggravates you or does things she knows she is not suppose to do...and yet you look at yourself and say you have too much going on and need some "alone" time. you knew the responability to have a child and now know how much greater the responability will be after the next one comes...as a mother, you need to (even when you think or feel like you cant) give to your daughter as she needs to have.

Answer 7

I know exactly how you feel. I think you need to forgive yourself and just do the best you can... and KNOW you're doing the best you can in your own personal situation. As long as your kids know they are loved (and of course are not abused) then you're doing great.

Every day I pray for help and try and do a little better, but I also try and forgive myself if I lose my patience or yell or criticise. I give my boy lots of hugs and praise him whenever I can (as appropriate!) and I take lots of deep breaths to try and control my anger and frustration. I apologise to him if I'm out of line.

I'm peri-menopausal, so I know my hormones are playing a part, but I also work full-time and am a 47-year-old single mom, with no financial or other support. I don't have alot of energy either, but just being with my boy in a positive situation, like laughing over a SpongeBob cartoon, or reading a book together, all helps build a positive relationship.

So just do the best you can, don't beat yourself up for getting it wrong. Pray for strength and guidance, and take time out for yourself too to recharge your batteries!

Answer 8

being a single mom of a toddler I know how you feel. I just try to take it a day at a time. If I just sit on the floor with him while he plays cars when we get home he is happy. You have to remember that children love the little things as much as the big things we do for them. Knowing what your daughter likes to do that doesn't take tons of energy is a great thing. For a child knowing they are love and taken care of is one of the biggest things.

Answer 9

Being pregnant can take a lot out of you. Now that you realize you want more for you and your daughter start thinking about things you want to do with her and do them after the new baby is born. it will be hard to make time for special one on one time, but you should really try to do it. Your daughter is at the age were she needs attention and with a new baby in the home she will need it even more! Good luck to you!

Answer 10

Sometimes the best home time with a child is to sit on the couch and read her a book or watch her fave movie or take a nap together. Bonding time is more important than the actual activity.