Need adivce about behaviour of a 3.5 year old.?

Question

My son has taken up hitting me right about the time he turned three. His older sister never hit him or us, nor is there abuse between hubby and I.

I've tried scholding, spanking, time out, take away toys etc and he just wont stop. Even when he's getting a talking to, he will hit.

Please any advice would be great

Answer 1

From the brief description, it sounds like an attention seeking power play.

Whenever he hits ANYONE, use time out, at 3.5 he should sit facing away from everyone else for 3-4 minutes. The time does not start until he is sitting calm and quiet. If he acts out do not 'add' time, just start the time over. I would suggest using a digital kitchen timer and setting it up out of his reach, but where he will be able to hear it ring.

When his time-out is over, sit with him, have him look you in the eyes (eye-contacxt can work wonders w/kids!) and start by asking him why he had a time-out. If he won't/doesn't repy, or if he doesn't give the real reason, calmly and factually tell him why he had a time-out (ie: you hit and hitting is not allowed in this house).

I don't recommend just 'talking to's as at that age they are minimally effective if at all. Spanking should only be used for the most egregious of situations and even then only to get the child's attention if no other way seems to work...it is arguable that there are always better other ways.

At first you may have to physically place the child in a chair/on the floor, and stand/sit behind him and hold him in place until he wears out/calms down/decides you are the boss after all. It is about the most heart wrenching thing I have every had to do!

Try to identify any antecedants. What was going on immediately before he struck out? ie: sister getting attention for something, husband home late from work, favorite TV show just ended or is about to start, etc

If you can identify something that seems to be a trigger, change it and see what happens with his behavior.

Also, please remember that with any behavioral conditioning, which is what time-out essentially is, there will be a period of adjustment, usually followed by a plateau of acceptable behavior, with another period of testing/adjustment occuring before the mor permanent change takes hold.

And ALWAYS reward postive behavior. punishing negative without rewarding positive is most definitely the hard way.

Answer 2

My son is doing this too. I have not found anything that just cures it but this is what has been working to relieve some of it. I tell him that only babies hit like that (he has an adversion to being called a baby), I hold his little face still with my hands and force him to look at me and tell him how much that hurt mommy, not only on the outside but in my heart as well. And finally, (this one is mean) I tell him Jesus doesn't like us to hit and if he continues he will go to hell. (my mom started this whole Jesus thing and it seems to work pretty good) I can't believe I just wrote that, Oh the hate mail that will be posted. Good luck!

Answer 3

My baby nephew is the same exact way. He will hit and throw stuff at you. I dotn know what my sister does, but when I take care of him [which is often] I just give him an evil look, and tell him hes mean, then he'll stop and give me a hug.
When that doesnt work I ignore him for a while then he'll start being nice, just so he can get my attention.

Answer 4

You're trying too many things. You need to pick one and stick with it.

Scolding him won't work. There is no consquence in that, it's just you telling him what he did was wrong. Time outs don't work. Try and convince me they do--I bet you can't. If sitting is punishment, I'm being punished right now. Taking away toys at this age doesn't work either. He's got other toys, and taking away one isn't going to make a difference to a 3 yr. old.

If I were you, I'd continue spanking. That's the way things work in this world: An eye for an eye.

Answer 5

Well hitiing him back wont help at all. You need to find out what is setting him off. If it is anything at all you must find a punishment that bothers him and stick with it. he wont stop overnight so be patient. it could take weeks or months of repition with the punishment for it sto stick. but it will work

Answer 6

when ever he goes to hit you grab his hands. don't allow him to hit you at all. if he manages to hit you ignore him. seems like he is doing it for attention. when you grab his hand don't say anything don't make eye contact and don't let go for about three min. no matter how hard he struggles or hits with the other hand dont' let him go. when three min is over let go of his hand and walk away. go do dishes laundry fold clothes something away from him. worked on my son he stopped in two days. if you let him see that it bothers you he will keep doing it. and from now on whenever he does any thing good like pick up a toy or anything like that be over joyed. praise him tell him how good he is. it works good luck

Answer 7

a friend of mine had the same problem with her youngest son. she tried everything, talking, yelling, etc. in the end she took him to a counsellor and they eventually found out that the boy was feeling really jealous and threatened by his brother and he was reacting like that.

Answer 8

Whip him with a spoon he will stop ( plastic Spoon ) I mean dont abuse him or leave a mark but whip his but every time he hits scold him.

Answer 9

there is a reason why he is doing this. try talking to a counselor. tell him maybe, when he acts like...... it makes u feel......because... and tell him how it makes you feel.