I'm the oldest of two girls and i'm in my 20's. My dad is naturally a "bossy" kinda dictator guy and my mom is naturally a control freak. For the past few years now, i've been given empty promises and realized that i've been dependent on them (for my age) and have started to change routes. In my teen years, i was rebellious and selfish, then i went through an "obedient" phase with them - and now i want to balance those two - do what i want and need to do without disrespecting them. I feel like i can't do anything without them freaking out, bossing me around, getting "too involved" in my life, giving me unnecessary drama, negativity and guilt-trip, and a lecture. If i don't "listen" to them word by word, my mom breaks out into this "actress" and does the whole, "fine - do whatever you want. i'm only tryin to help" even though i know deep inside what I'm doing is RIGHT FOR ME. Why are they like this and how do i change this?
2007-01-04 07:15:22 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
and don't just tell me that they "love and care for me"...and don't tell me to move out - the only way i'm gonna finish school is to stay with them (for the meantime) - once i'm done, i'm out. Just tell me ways on how to avoid this drama - inspirational stories, maybe?
We're asian - so moving out is soo out of the question (cuz that pretty much means your disowned from them forever) and we don't have family discussions - it's mostly them yelling, saying they're right
yes, i can drive, but no car :( HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS?
2007-01-04 07:16:14 · update #1
and it's funny - my dad will find ANY excuse to find a way to tell me what to do...i mean, there's nothing he can say...so if i'm cleaning my room and he'll then and there TELL me to clean my room and just go on...
2007-01-04 07:18:22 · update #2
YEAH i understand the whole "UNDER THE ROOF CONCEPT" I GET IT AND ACCEPT IT i just want to know how I can control the little stuff with them like how my mom wants to keep my paycheck for me in a safe spot so i won't "lose it"
2007-01-04 07:32:52 · update #3
As long as you are under their roof, they are feeding you, etc. they have the say so, to a point.
2007-01-04 07:19:08 · answer #1 · answered by nanny4hap 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I am sure they have very high expectations of you, and as with a lot of my younger friends their relationships with their parents did not improve until they moved out and became totally independent. Whether it is because of your culture, or the driven nature of both your parents, you probably cannot change them. Please try to make the best of the situation until you can be on your own. Believe or not, you will have more time in your life to be independent than this short time where you are living under restrictive conditions. Just try to console yourself by saying it won't be much longer until you can be free. I know that does not help much, but you will see later on what I mean.
As for the paycheck, see if you can get a "direct deposit" account from one of your local banks, that way she can't touch your money without your consent.
2007-01-04 08:19:03 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to run into, and have to depend on, plenty of imperfect people in your life. Think of it as good training for the rest of the pile you will face. Yes, parents are flawed just like everyone else. I know this, I'm a parent of your age and older.
Expectations and perceptions are everything. Since your parents are people try this; Go to your local book store and buy a copy of "how to deal with difficult people" and "the art of communication". The books are designed for a different purpose but all the same rules will apply, people are people.
Once you target and understand their needs, perceptions, and expectations, you will know how to deal with the communications that will make everyone feel like they are getting what they need form the situation. Get it? Yes, it's just a matter of how you say it. Is the hamburger 20% Fat or 80% Fat Free.
Good Luck,
Signed,
Yes, The Marketing Director of a Company
2007-01-04 07:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by Thomas 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you need to work on ways of standing firm without being disrespectful. I am all into honesty, but sometimes they do not need to know what you are doing if there is nothing wrong with it and it is just a matter of opinion. I would do everything I can to start trying to get things together to move out when u get the chance. Unfortunately some parents are like this, probably theirs treated them this way too. There is no magic cure, you will have to accept this part of them and try to get through it. I wish you luck.
2007-01-04 07:20:15 · answer #4 · answered by bdgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to remember that you do live under there roof,so there for anything that you do is their business. Be a little more involved with your parents, ask for advise every now and then, after all your parents know best. Try writing them a letter if you dont have family time,slip it on the table for them to find,tell them how you feel.
2007-01-04 07:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by sissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well those parents that aren't controlling have children that are missing, but yeah your parents seem to be a little extreme. Try to get some after school activity or a job to make you more independent in their eyes or just help you get some breathing room until you move out.
2007-01-04 07:35:58 · answer #6 · answered by middelmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that they are invading your privacy and they might as well just jump in the shower with you if they wanna be all up in your business. Tell them you are an adult already and that you've known whats right from wrong for a couple of years now and that your mature enough to make your own decisions. Maybe it will work... maybe they wont care what you gotta say and that will really suck.
2007-01-04 07:27:27 · answer #7 · answered by Rola 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pick 2 or3 things from each of your parents that they do for you each week and do them yourself. Cleaning, dishes, laundry, trash, wash car or anything that helps. Don't complain, being in this position is normal, tell them you love them a lot, give them hugs, thank them every time they give advice and act like you mean it. A few months from now or maybe longer they will see a new you and treat you differently. It does not work for everyone it did for me maybe for you, just try.
2007-01-04 07:28:54 · answer #8 · answered by Johnny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a tough situation. I can understand your need for balance. Can you set some limits with them? When they start to lecture you, can you just say "Sorry, I have to study" or "Please don't lecture me" calmly, and walk away or go to your room. Do you have to discuss everything with them? Can you make some decisions on your own w/o having to consult them? If your Mom is saying "Fine, do what you want" that seems to say she is tired of lecturing too. Hope you can work things out. Just remember, it won't always be like this.
2007-01-04 07:35:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Under the same roof or not, you are an adult now and as such have rights so just live your life the way you see fit while at the same time respect your parents as much as is possible for you.
2007-01-04 08:17:38 · answer #10 · answered by ctsnowmiss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be patient. you've lived with it this long, put up with it until the end of schooll so you can be independent. parents sometimes try to 'live' their kids lives and protect them from all evil and they don't realize it's just not possible. it's a prent trap we all get caught in because 'we know better'.
patience is the key. you can be determined without being disobedient or rude. share what you are going to do rather than asking permission for little things and it just might move from there
good luck.
2007-01-04 07:20:54 · answer #11 · answered by stacy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋