I have been dating a guy for almost a year, and I am madly in love with him. We spend almost every day together. He tells me he loves me, but says he is not in love with me and does not want a serious long-term relationship. Every time I try to tell him that I want to be with him he tries to break it off with me, so we are stuck in a "friends with benefits" relationship. I want more, but he doesn't. If I give him an ultimatum - be with me or just be friends - he chooses friends and sticks with it until I break down weeks later. He has not seen anyone else since we have been dating, but suggests I see other people so I am not so attached to him. I've tried, but I love him too much to date another guy. What do I do?
2007-01-04 07:04:06 · 21 answers · asked by Alex 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I keep thinking that he will eventually fall in love with me - or admit his true feelings. Is it unrealistic to think that I should just give it some more time?
2007-01-04 07:10:52 · update #1
What makes it hard to dump him is that he is my best friend. He provides a comfort, loving environment for me and we always have fun. We have tried to stop having sex, but we are both very attracted to one another. If I don't hang out with him, then I am super lonely, so I always end up back at his house. He says we are not wasting our time because we have built a strong friendship. If he left me I would be devastated, and I doubt she would want him to talk to me. He says that he is happy with our "relationship" how it is, and that he doesnt see it changing for a long time if i don't pressure him to be my "boyfriend". How can I move on when he is one of the only people I know that I truely love and trust and I don't want to move on at all - I just want him to treat me like a girlfriend, but he refuses to do that. My best female friend (who lives 3 hours away) says I should stick with him until someone else comes along because he is kind and caring. Should I take her advice?
2007-01-04 07:23:23 · update #2
Well sounds to me like you are in a dead end situation. If he hasnt fallen in love with you by now chances are it isnt going to happen. I wouldnt say all hope is lost but there is a slim chance that he's going to fall in love with you. I'm sorry you are put in this situation, its, devastating for anyone. I know my first true love said she loved me and we were together for 5 and a half yrs before she finally made it clear she wasnt "in love" with me. Its such a heartbreaking feeling to love somebody and not be loved the same in return.
All you can really do is get away from him, you need to spend time away from him. It really is the only chance...you know the saying "you dont know what you had till its gone?" Well maybe he loves you more than he thinks he does and it will take something as drastic as staying away from him for a while for him to realize it. If he does in fact love u more than he says...then the relationship will work out. Good luck!
2007-01-04 07:17:02 · answer #1 · answered by JMan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well don't always hope for a relationship first! You should start flirting but be suddle! You should tell him that friends first because guys like that and getting to know each other ahead of time is better than getting a relationship stuck down your throat! Rememeber take it easy and it should be smooth sailing! If he continues this behaviour, you should dump him even though you are madly in love with him because there might be a prince charming just waiting to knock on your door!
2007-01-04 07:12:29 · answer #2 · answered by Huggsnkissez 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find someone that has the same feelings for you as you have for him. If not you are going to invest alot of time in something that shows no promise. There is many out there that you can love just as much, so don't think this is the only chance you have of being happy.
2007-01-04 07:08:30 · answer #3 · answered by Rod Rod Go 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this seems difficult, but if he's telling you to see other people, then he obviously doesn't share your feelings. You should definitely try to hang out with other people and limit your time with him. You should stop having sex with him altogether because the physical relationship is keeping you from seeing the rest of the relationship clearly.
2007-01-04 07:08:17 · answer #4 · answered by itsben1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
park your car outside his window at night and don't let him out of your sight. If you see him talking to any other girl, tell the girl later that he has a lot of STDs. Make him supcakes and cookies all the time and leave them outside his door with cute notes. Pick up his dry cleaning without his knowledge.
Then he will love you.
Or, do yourself a favor and get over it.
2007-01-04 07:07:09 · answer #5 · answered by Andrew O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's using you. The way I see it, you have two choices: either get used to the fact that he's just using you, decide you can live with it, and don't complain, or get out of the relationship and put as much distance between you and he as possible. Don't talk to him or write him or anything.
2007-01-04 07:25:41 · answer #6 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT MEANS HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, THIS WAS ON SEX AND THE CITY AND OPRA, THERES A BOOK ABOUT IT, IF YOU ASK ANY GUY THEY'LL SAY THE SAME THING" IF HE DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH YOU AS A BF/GF, THEN HE'LL MOVE ON AS SOON AS HE FINDS THAT." WHY WOULD YOU HANG OUT TILL THEN?
2007-01-04 07:09:57 · answer #7 · answered by littlegirllost 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him and move on. You are wasting your time and he appears pretty set in not getting too serious with you, You are wasting your love on someone that is not returning it. You are worth more than that.
2007-01-04 07:06:49 · answer #8 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mamas he is just waisting your time. Call it quits with him and maybe he'll realize that he is in love with you, but dont try forcing him to feel something he doesnt feel and might not eva feel..Men are definitely crazy like that..
best of luck.
2007-01-04 07:13:26 · answer #9 · answered by jitterbugs wifey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DON"T LOOK BACK
There's no shame in running. Sometimes you need to leave a bad situation as fast as you can and this is a potential nightmare. You will get hurt as soon as he get bored and moves on to greener pasture.
2007-01-04 07:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋