I dated this guy for 5 months but we've known eachother for 6 years. Our paths have always crossed and there was always feelings but didn't act on them till 5 months ago. He has 3 kids, works full time, and also has his own business which started around the same time we reconnected. Well long story short...he has consumed himself so much with this business that he now is in over his head. Not only that but he says that things can't work out between us right now b/c he isn't able to give me 100% of himself b/c of all his obligations. The guy is not a jerk...but of course I'm still hurt by this. He loves me and wants to be with me but "can't right now". I'm thinking of cutting all contact, but he says he doesn't want that either. I'm thinking it's selfish of him, but at the same time find it very hard to tell him to not contact me. Honestly felt like this guy was the one he says the same of me still. What do I tell him? What do I do? Please only serious answers.
2007-01-04 06:19:47 · 9 answers · asked by sag200729 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just to add...he is not married his ex actually remarried. I've somewhat told him I can't see my self because I would be the one to get hurt. He says he understands & respects that....and that he doesn't feel like it's anyone's responsilbilty but his own to deal with his problems so he would feel guilty expecting me to deal....but when he does get his obligations straightened out he will come looking for him regardless if I tell him not to because he would like to see us end up together.
2007-01-04 06:40:44 · update #1
Sorry I meant he would look for me....and trust me I am far from Selfish I want nothing more than to be there for him and see him through. We have both been in tough situations in the past and found true hapiness in each other.
2007-01-04 06:45:27 · update #2
I find it odd that you think he is being selfish when he is just working to provide for his children and whatever it is you want him to pay for (dinners and gifts and things of that nature).
Sounds to me like you are being the selfish one by saying that because he has a business and can't spend all of his time with you, you want to cut him out of your life. To be honest you sound very high-maintenance and kind of a *****.
It would be better off for him if he found someone who was more supportive of him, his business, his family and his life.
If you do decide that you actually love this man and want to make it work, you have to change your selfish ways. Support him with all your heart in whatever he decides to do with his life. You can't be hurt because he works...I mean he runs his own business and has 3 children, you should be lucky he has time to talk to you at all.
Get over yourself and support him or he will find someone who really does love and support him.
2007-01-04 06:38:20 · answer #1 · answered by Just Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he still has kids. Is he still married? If so, then RUN, don't WALK away from the guy as soon as possible. Forget him. Don't talk to him. Don't call him. Don't accept his calls. Get away! He will play you for a fool until you face the fact that he is using you.
If he is NOT married, then why not? What happened with his past relationship? There may well be a pattern here. If so, then proceed with caution. You would be better off moving on and finding someone more stable and caring than just reliving the mistakes his ex made.
If there is no pattern of problems, then if it is meant to be, a little patience should do the trick. Maybe he IS just overwhelmed and needs some space. Tell him you care. Be his friend. Tell him you'll wait until he is ready... but tell him how long. If he isn't ready to get back together in a few weeks, it is time to move on and forget about him. If you give in on this, he'll use you whenever he feels like it. Good luck!
2007-01-04 14:30:54 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't cut all contact unless you want to make sure that there is NEVER a chance of things working out. Sounds like he has somewhat of a "superman" complex where he wants to be there 110% for your every whim want and need and although that sounds great, it's not feesable especially in the world we live in. There's always going to be something else going on that's not going to allow him to totally be there for you all the time, like 3 kids. That's never going to change. It sounds like he might have some past demons that are haunting him from previous failings that he is trying not to make the same mistake twice. I don't know because I don't know the details of his life. However I would sit him down in your case and tell him something along these lines, "Look, I know you are in deep into whatever is going on in your life right now and I know you cannot give me the attention you want to give me. That is life, that is how any relationship is going to be that does not stop me from wanting to be with you and help support you through your tough times, maybe I can help you, I love you and I know you love me. I am trying to be as understanding as I can but the way I see it, we have known each other for a long time so there is no excuse, if you cannot let me in now especially when you need support, than it will never be the right time, let us support, help and strengthen each other." That should create a prety decisive outcome for you so you aren't sitting around and wondering anymore. Oh yeah, in this instance be caring kind and soft but don't come acorss as being desperate or begging...be assrtive, walk the fine line, ya know what I'm sayin'?
2007-01-04 14:36:39 · answer #3 · answered by J-Dub 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your guy sounds like he was trying to do the right thing, he is in over his head in a business that requires all his time. He's tried to tell you he can't hold your hand through this. Your choices are as follows, wait until he does have time, date others until he has time, play slutty gf for him when he has time to knock one out of the park for you, and go back to your day job when he doesn't. Personally, I find nothing more pathetic than a woman putting her life on hold for a man while he sorts out things. Meaning he gets to live in both worlds at your expense. But he's trying to let you know he'd like to do that, but he's too nice a guy to actually ask that, so instead, lets you decide, hoping you love him enough to accept this short end of the stick proposal. Darling, if this is meant to be, it will be. Give him roomto do what he needs to do for the business, but don't short yourself. Start dating others. Don't put yourself on hold, as you never know how this may play out and the fact that he doesn't want you by his side (TOGETHER going through THIS TOGETHER) says way more than his words. You might find someone who is willing to hang inthere with you, or go through things WITH you rather than alone. Lets face it, marriage is a journey taken together, not solo. So the fact that Mr. Right Now is willing to proceed on his own without you, but keep you on a string if you want to be on one, says you are worth sleeping with, but not keeping morning noon and night. I would guard my heart and move onto more fertile ground. Good luck my dear!
2007-01-04 14:31:00 · answer #4 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well....whats meant to be will always find a way...I know that from experience. Its nice of him to say he can't give you 100% of himself, but you would think he could at least TRY and Im sure if you both loved eachother enough, it would work, and you should let him know that you're there for him even if he is consumed in his work...its just a question of if you are willing to take on that role. Good luck! :)
2007-01-04 14:24:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not only that but he says that things can't work out between us right now b/c he isn't able to give me 100% of himself b/c of all his obligations....really?...last time i checked...true love cant help but show itself...anything less is ok i guess but what it really comes down to is you deciding what you want in your life...true love...or less love
2007-01-04 14:23:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like he's just stringing you along - doesn't want to commit, but doesn't want you to go off and find someone else. Try cutting off contact with him for awhile and see if he reaches out to you - if he's serious about you, he'll find a way to make you a priority in his life.
2007-01-04 14:27:19 · answer #7 · answered by woodlands127 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
move on who needs the drama. theres lots of fish in the sea
2007-01-04 14:22:39 · answer #8 · answered by miss_kiki4 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he is playing you for sex. nice sweet talk uh?
2007-01-04 14:22:34 · answer #9 · answered by Silly Jaro 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋