My "friend" told a lie to me about my child. How do I handle this?

Question

A girl I have been friends with for years told me an embellished account of something that happened with my daughter at school. I questioned my child and she repeatedly denied the story, so I spoke with the teacher. The teacher did some investigating and determined that what I had been told was somewhat true, but expanded to seem much worse than it actually was. This same "friend" is know as a town gossip and is always comparing material things and the success of her children in comparison to others. She also made me promise not to say a word, but, hello? I am a concerned and involved mother so I just could not let it go without doing some questioning of my own. So, I saw this same lady at school when dropping of my daughter and she put on her sunglasses and turned her head. I know that eventually we will confront one another. Do I call her now and call her out on her lie or should I wait or perhaps just let it die? What do you think?

Answer 1

Since you don't give the complete information as to what the lie actually was and since you have done some investigating, enough to know she wasn't completely truthful, and you know she is the town pump I mean gossip, why ask why? You got your answer, you j=knew not to believe her when she told you enough to question your child, enough to question the teacher. Just mark her off your list of "friends" and the next time she approaches you, stop her right in the middle of it with "Listen, I listened to what you said last time about my kid and it wasn't true, I have no intention of standing here listening to any more of your foolishness, Good day mam!" and get to stepping. You owe her no apology or explanation, and frankly I would limit any and all contact with her. She sounds foolish and dangerous. Good luck!

Answer 2

That is a complicated question, and as a mother, my first instinct would be to run up and confront her hard and in front of a lot of people. But, as good as that would make you feel, it wont solve the problem. She'd just re-tell you confronting her and turn it into you being the worst possible person in the world who threatened her bodily harm. What you need to do is to beat her at her own game, while staying true to the truth of the matter. Make sure that you tell what happened to people you know. Those people will in turn tell the ones they know and so forth. Nobody can resist a story to pass on. It will get to the point, once enough people know the story and have all the facts you've collected, that nobody will believe a word she's saying. Once nobody is listening to her any longer, she'll quit. She's obviously insecure with herself, her kids, and her life in general if she feels the need to stretch the truth so badly.

Answer 3

confront her. She is lying about an innocent child and I'm sorry but no grown mature adult should do that.

If some woman was lying about a child I had, I'd set her straight and I doubt I'd be nice about it...but I'm not nice to people who rub me the wrong way.

Obviously this person is not a friend and if I were you after confronting her tell her straight up that you do not wish to speak with her again and would appreciate it if she'd leave your daughter alone and stop talking when she doesn't know the whole story or even half of the truth

Answer 4

I'm the type that would confront her, but in a calm manner(but then I don't know the details, if they are really bad then I don't know if I could be calm).....anyway I would sure question the friendship. I'm very protective with my kids, and NO ONE is going to treat them bad or do them any wrong as long as I live. A person could get away with a little more if it was concerning me, but my kids is another story.

If there is another woman involved I would definitely go talk to her, (but not in a way to make her defencive) and get the whole truth.

I think you need to get a more loyal and trustworthy friend, this woman is not my idea of a friend

God Bless and have a wonderful New Year !

Answer 5

The problem with lying to your child is that they don't trust you. However, there are times when it is better. For example I was having surgery for possible cancer. I didn't feel it was necessary to tell my kids it was possible cancer until it was confirmed. Since it wasn't, I saved them a lot of stress. I also lied about why their dad and I broke up. They didn't need to know he cheated. The figured it out when they became adults. I just told them mommy and daddy don't get along any more and we were better people and were better at loving them when we lived apart. It should be done sparingly. I sure hope you weren't honest about your opinion of their dad. That is one thing you should keep to yourself. Kids need to believe daddy is a good person, even if you don't think so. Obviously if they are abusive, the kids will know. Tink, why on earth don't you complain to the city about the picture on the slide so they can make it go away.

Answer 6

If your a good mom, you will have your daughters back. I have a friend who has a daughter the same age as mine. Everytime something good happens to or for my daughter, she has to put her down in some way and it could be about nothing really and she does it to my daughters face. Now everytime this happens, my husband (Daughters Step-Dad) tell her to knock it off or leave., She is more aware now of how far we will go to protect our daughters feelings and I think you should treat you friend as we treat ours. If she cannot behave and has to make drama, then have her leave or tell her that you do not want her to report anything about your daughter to you. That is for the school to do and not her personal job. I hope she did not spread this as one of her neverending rumors around town. I am sure you and your daughter do not deserve that. Tell the friend off and let her know that you will not put up with her drama.
Good Luck

Answer 7

I would talk to her more about it and ask her where she got her information. Then I would tell her that the teacher talked to you about it....that way she does not think you went to the teacher and that she told you a different story. Tell her point blank that you do not appreciate the fact that she embelished the story and that you would appreciate it if she minded her own damn business. You should probably feel sorry for her...obviously she has a problem with her self if she is doing the things you mentioned to fill the voids in her life. I think people need to be confronted about things. Just do it calmly and maturely..maybe she will see that her mouth is running her into trouble and she will watch what she says from now on. Letting things go is what makes people continue their bad behavior. I always admired my mom for letting people have it when I was a kid if they did one of us wrong.

Answer 8

You do not need to confront her, unless she is daft enough to ask you why you are unhappy with her. She obviously knows that you learned about her embellishments and is embarrassed to face you. You already know that she is the town gossip and people like that will exaggerate by habit. Do not trust her again and accept the 'friendship' as over - not that it seems like a big loss anyway. You don't need a friend like that.

Answer 9

It all depends on you...you could be the bigger person and let it go. Or, you could start some shyt with miss drama queen, but that will probably open a can of worms.
If it were me, I would ride it out and tell her a story about HER kid or someone else's kid and what they 'did' at school...tell her not to tell a soul, and I'm sure she will blab out to everyone that will listen to her. That way, when everyone finds out the truth, she looks like a real dumb azz.
I would have fun with it...but hey, that's me.

Answer 10

I would definitely let her know that I had spoken with my child and the teacher. I wouldn't accuse her of lying, because if she will lie about your child to your face, think of what she would say about you to someone else when you aren't around. Let her know that you know the truth and let it go. If it continued I would confront her about it, but for now, take the high road.