I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years...and i'm ready to move on in our relationship..i would love to get engaged and get married to him within the next year to year and half....but i feel like we arent on the same page....He always avoids talking about it and he gets mad when i talk about it....What should i do??? i'm really confused and its gotten to the point where i feel like i'll never get married and that nobody will want to be with me after being with him for so long
2007-01-04 06:03:27 · 14 answers · asked by adzlovesu84 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That is a very important issue that must be resolved immediately. If he cannot compromise and you do not feel happy, you will both be unhappy and eventually break up even if you both love each other.
Tell him that the issue bothers you because you feel insecure not knowing if you both will get married. If he prefers not to be married, you have to decide if you can be secure being an unmarried woman.
If you really think about it, it's not that big of a deal being married or not being married as long as you both love each other.
But, if you are very traditional, it may be too much for you to handle. Try to imagine how you would feel if 10 years later, you both were still together, still loved each other, but were still NOT married.
If you do not feel happy thinking about that, even if he is loyal to you during that span, then, you should take care of the problem immediately.
The risk is that you may settle for a man that you don't love who you WILL be married to.
If I were you, if I knew he really loved me, I wouldn't sweat it. It is much harder to find a person you love than it is to find a person to marry.
2007-01-04 06:10:55 · answer #1 · answered by Tones 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on. If he isn't ready, then he's not ready. But if you are and he's not. Then you will be the one waiting. Right now it's four years next thing you know it will be 13 years with kids, and still no marriage. I do understand you love him, but the wrong thing to do, is to give him an ultimatum. That; in this case may backfire. I totally understand the fear you may have. "I have been with this person for four years; I don't want to start over in the dating scene, there is nothing out there." But if he's not ready, you are still in the dating scene. So if you want him to see you are serious. Take the rest of the good youthful years, and allow someone in your life who is ready to give you what you are ready for. But give yourself sometime and space before you start seeing other people. But if I were you, I would end it first, that way; where you are concerned, it is finished business. Let him be the one chasing you.
2007-01-04 06:19:57 · answer #2 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad. My wife and I just married 3 weeks ago, and she's talking about wanting a baby. We're a gay couple and she was thinking of having a baby before we got married. She wants it but also says pregnancy and birth and "disgusting" to her and she doesn't want it to be painful and all. I think she's not ready, and I know WE aren't ready for a baby, either. Whenever she brings it up, I get annoyed. I wouldn't mind raising a baby with her, but NOT YET. Try talking to your honey about WHY he gets mad about discussing marriage. Find out why he seems happy staying at the level you are at now. What scares him about marriage? VERY important: Do not yell or anything even if he gets an attitude with you about it. Just remain calm during your conversation and really be willing to listen to his feelings without judging him about whatever he tells you. Maybe he feels he should have financial stability first. Maybe he wants to feel certain he doesn't desire other lovers before he commits to marriage. Perhaps marriage means something different to him than it does to you, and you should show him the beauty of your vision of marriage. Maybe then he will not be afraid (if he is).
2007-01-04 06:13:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off...Don't EVEN FOR A SECOND think that no one would want you. People who are widowed or divorced get married all the time. Dating someone for four years and then ending the relationship is in no way a blemish on your character. If anything it shows how mature you are for 1. being able to sustain a long term relationship and 2. being able to look toward your future and what your goals you have not only for your self but for you as a couple.
Unfortunately, I think you have come to the end of the road in this relationship. It sounds to me like he doesn't want to get married - and quite frankley, you shouldn't have to talk someone into it. He should be wanting to marry you desperately...he should want to make sure that the whole world knows you are his and that he wont share you with anyone. He should have come to realize this about 2 years ago.
You desever better than being brushed off whenever you want to talk about your future. You deserve someone who will respect you enough to let you know what their plans for the future are and where they see your relationship going.
I feel bad for you because I have been there - and I know how much it can hurt. But I can also tell you that after I made my decision to go after the things I wanted in life (and clearly let him know that if he wasn't on board that I would be leaving him behind - which I did) I am so much happier. I stopped waiting on someone else and started living for me.
I have an amazing boyfriend now who would slay dragons for me. I never have to worry about the future because he makes sure to tell me everyday just how happy he is with me in his life and he can't wait to make a life for us together.
2007-01-04 06:05:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be patient. Marriage is a large and life changing commitment. Especially when children become involved.
The important thing is not to pressure him. The more he feels trapped, the more he'll try to get away. If you want to assure him about it, try letting him know that you value his opinion about the matter and can be patient with his choice. Giving him this freedom might give him the confidence to consider a step like marriage.
As for you, don't be afraid. If you believe this is the person you want to spend your life with, then he should be worth waiting for. If you let the fear of loniless effect your actions, it will most likey destroy not only your current relationship, but yourself as well.
2007-01-04 06:10:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him work it out but he can't talk to you and avoids adult conversation then he is nowhere near ready to get married - decide if you can carry on the way you are or move on if you try and force him to marry you then you will end up DIVORCED
2007-01-04 06:06:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not ready for the next step. Talk to him about why he's not ready. If you really want to move on and he doesn't, either wait for him or move on
tom
2007-01-04 06:07:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why buy the cow if you can drink the milk for free? Free sex anytime he wants, it sounds like he's got it made. Why do you want get married? You'll pay more in taxes. Maybe he doesn't love you the way you love him.
2007-01-04 06:09:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
he s not ready
and stop pressuring him
my x did the same thing and yes marriage cross my mind but i was ready yet but was thinking about
but everytime she nagged me about it
i stop thinking about it
the more n more u nagged him
the more u push it back
marrriage is something serious
he is considering it but not yet
so leave him alone
the reason he s get mad is because u r forcing the issue and pressuring him
2007-01-04 06:10:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
why don't you leave that poor wrecthed soul while he is sleeping and seek my fruit of heavenly bliss with just a single french kiss from bossom. Only if you are tired of falling in evol.
2007-01-04 06:08:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋