Although I was unaware of this at the time, my boyfriend and I started dating about a month after he and his ex broke up. He was going into the military and she wasn't going to wait. Then I came along and "we" happened. I have stayed with him because i fell for him instantly. Although our relationship is long distance, b/c he's in the military, i wait b/c I think he is the one.
He has asked me to move in with him, told me that I am the one, and we discuss marriage and kids, and he gave me a promise ring-representing our past present and future. But his ex makes me doubt it all.
She has been calling from the start (he always told me...no secrets). But then when she wrote him in basic (he told me), i wanted to be done w/ the rel. But he got me to stay.
Now nine months into our rel. she was calling around the holidays.
I overheard the brief convo (at 3am). I asked who it was and he said a cousin. He lied but when we talked about it, said he lied b/c i'd freak. lovesme but Do I trust ?
2007-01-04 05:36:56 · 26 answers · asked by xwho123 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Conversations at 3 am are never innocent or without danger. An ex calling at 3 am should have gotten his answering machine, not him. The fact that he talked to her at 3 am is more unsettling and telling. Your man needs to make it clear to his ex that it is over, that he has moved on and is involved in a new relationship and that calling him anymore is unacceptable. If he doesn't put a toe tag on him and set him to the curb, you are done. Honestly honey, I think he is keeping his options opena nd enjoying that his ex who didn't want to wait is changing her tune maybe. In any case, what you have is a huge potential for heartbreak, head this one off at the pass and send him and her packing. Good luck!
2007-01-04 05:44:46 · answer #1 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every time I hear someone say something like "People can date, break up and still be friends" it's a woman. Too many men these days are opportunistic. Given our state of society and the failure rate of marriages, it's tough enough to keep a family together and work through life issues instead of just giving up. I don't believe it is helpful or necessary to have ex boyfriends, flings, whatever in the picture. There is a reason an ex is an ex...let them go already. What are you really accomplishing by keeping them around?
2016-03-29 07:32:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think girls form the past are a no no- no matter how you slice it. if that relationship is done, there needs to be no connection at all between them. since maybe he's been open with you, I'd feel more comfy that MAYBE be isn't hiding anything, but that isn't for sure. The fact that he lied about the convo is a "red flag" to me. That may have been a lie that he later cleared up, but it was still a lie. The way I see it is: "doubt means don't" and any gut feeling that tells you to be leery of the situation should be trusted 100%. I cant tell how many times I've been made a fool of for not listening to my senses- dint make that mistake! Good luck.
2007-01-04 05:42:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I have this right the last time he had contact with her you were going to break it off? He probably lied about the phone call because he doesn't want to lose you. If this is the kind of guy he is he is talking to the ex just to keep her from freaking out, too. Some men just don't deal well with confrontation and try to make everybody happy. If it bothers you this much tell him so. You have to continue to trust him, without trust, you have no relationship.
2007-01-04 05:41:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not doing anything wrong, he didn't have to lie about who it was. I don;t think a small like like that is worth it to make you doubt even more.
Other than that dumb little mistake, if he is not giving you ANY other reasons to doubt him or not trust him, then by all means give him an opportunity to prove himself. He seems like a good man, and it's not his fault if he already told the ex he moved on and she's not getting it. Don't sweat it, she'll eventually get tired and move on.
Best of luck, it seem like his heart is with you, you have the promise ring, and most importantly, him.
2007-01-04 05:43:13 · answer #5 · answered by grldragon101 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TALK TO HIM!!! If he wants to make this work then he needs to stop talking to her. If it makes you feel uncomfortable he should stop. Unless he has a kid by her he has no real reason to talk to her. When she calls at three in the morning he shouldn't even get up to answer and if she won't stop pull the cord out of the wall. If he truly cares for you then he should understand why you don't want her in your life together. The truth is most of the time people who are in relationships don't stay friends when it is over, it's just awkward. The fact that 9 months has past and they still talks means he either feels sorry her or still cares for her. I hate to say it. Trust is a huge issue. You have to trust he'll understand where you are coming from. DON'T KEEP THIS BOTTLED UP!!! You have to talk to him about this. Your marriage won't work if you can't resolve this issue while you are dating. I sorry, I hope this helps. Good Luck.
2007-01-04 05:50:37 · answer #6 · answered by Liv's Mom 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off one of key elements to a relationship is trust without it you will always have doubts about any and everything you all go through together. But he shouldn't have lied about it because aint no telling what else he may have lied about that he thought you would freak out about. But that also goes to show you, you can't freak out about every little thing because they will try and use that to their advantage of not wanting to open up to you.
2007-01-04 05:47:06 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be able to date, be with or trust any guy who was still "friends" or taking calls from an ex girlfriend. Over is over, unless it's not over. You wanted to be done and you know he's lying. and you don't trust him What more do you need to know? Obviously you aren't "the one" if he's enjoying her attention, accepting her calls, and communicating with her the whole time.
2007-01-04 05:40:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lied about 3a.m. calls? I'd shoot my cousin if he called at 3 a.m. unless it was an emergency. He isn't being straight with you. If he's still taking her calls, he's still involved. I would get out while the getting is good. Find someone that is emotionally and physically available to you. Good luck.
2007-01-04 05:43:08 · answer #9 · answered by Firespider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but it sounds like as if there's an unfinished business which your boyfriend has got to deal with. Next time his ex call again, will he allow you to do the talking.? Just to give his ex an idea that he is settling for good with you. lol.
2007-01-04 05:47:15 · answer #10 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋