I am getting married in May.
I have a step Dad who is very close to me - I am 24 and he is 38 - so not much of an age difference.
He has looked after me since I was 8 - we are more like mates than step son and dad.
I have always been close to my dad and he had me every weekend as a kid and I see him more and more now I have grown up - going to the football, playing golf etc and we are really close too.
As I say, I'm getting married and need a best man.
My step dad is hinting as we are so close it could be him if I want.
It is a good idea as we are so close but at the same time my dad would be completely gutted if I did that.
What should I do??
My step dad obviously wants to be it.
Should I ask him and break my dads heart?
Or not and break my step dads?
I have a close friend who could do it but again, would my step dad be gutted I didn't choose him?
HELP needed!!!!
2007-01-04 05:23:38 · 25 answers · asked by Dave 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My sister had to choose her maid of honor..and instead of hurting feelings of choosing between her two best friends, she chose me.
it went a lot better. the girls were still very involved and it went a lot smoother than hurting feelings.
2007-01-04 05:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Shannon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All in all, it's your decision, not theirs. However, that's not an easy thing to decide...
The best thing I can suggest is to either make them "equal" and have them both be groomsmen instead of one being "better" than the other by being the best man, and pick the 3rd guy as the best man. Or, if you only want just the best man, pick the 3rd guy, and have both fathers incorporated into the wedding via family style vows, such as having them do a reading, or having them as part of the ceremony vows. This is done where the marriage officiant asks the family if they will support your in your marriage, and both of them could stand up and answer.
Or, you could just have 2 best men. No one says it's forbidden.
2007-01-04 06:14:51 · answer #2 · answered by chocolateandnuts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiance and I are to be wed this July and his father has passed so from the start you are blessed to have a choice. Both his high school friend and cousin are very close to him and he will be having both of them stand with him. The Irony of this position Is to show everyone how much love there Is In your life and to have two dads shows that you are a great person and people want to be Involved on your special day. I would take them both out to dinner and explain that your not choosing one over the other, you want both because at diffrent times In your life you had both of them there for you. Congratulations to you and many blessings In your future!
2007-01-04 07:08:55 · answer #3 · answered by passion 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would choose someone else to be a best man - your dads will only be hurt no matter whom you choose, so do your best to avoid that. Traditionally, a brother or good friend would be the best man, and I don't know if those options are available but I'd find a way to go that route rather than hurt the dads.
2007-01-08 03:02:15 · answer #4 · answered by Isabel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
close friend definitely! Sounds like your dad would be more heart broken about your step dad being your best man, than your step dad would be if he was not. Your step dad should not be gutted, he should be understanding.
FYI: no you shouldnt have 2 best men, thats stupid. The person who stands next to you when youre getting married is your best man...and the whole point is that your dad would be upset if your step dad was your best man...I dont think he would be any less upset if you had 2.
2007-01-04 05:30:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, but this is all on you. You need to pick as groomsmen and a best man those who are closest to you. A way out of it is to have just all friends be your attendants, then give your step-dad in another role, maybe doing a reading at the ceremony, or toast to the groom at the reception.
2007-01-04 12:32:53 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the one you feel closer! and the one you feel indebted to. Getting married is a new stage of your life, you are not saying goodbye to your past but it's an opportunity to say thanks to those who have built you up to this point, who have made you what you are today. after all, if it isn't because of xxx, you wouldn't be standing here being able to marry someone you love.
it looks to me that your step dad was only 20 when he started looking after you, it's not easy for somebody at his age to do it and for so many years! but it's your choice, nobody should put you under pressure.
if you can't decide, to make it less embarrassing for them both, you may consider having three!! have your close friend as well so even if they can't get along, there is another person there.
congratulations again!
2007-01-06 06:07:35 · answer #7 · answered by Ruth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this helps or not but...
when I got married I had to choose between my two sisters as to who would be my maid of honor. Although they both seemed OK with me picking the other I just couldn't do it. So, instead of choosing between them I picked them both. When all the attendants walked down the aisle the best man came down the aisle with a sister on each arm. It actually looked really cool!
So, what do you think? Maybe ask both your dad and your step-dad to be your Best Men and have them both escort the Maid of Honor, one on each of her arms? I bet she'd feel pretty darn special :)
2007-01-04 07:25:46 · answer #8 · answered by Wine From Your Tears 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is about you! I know that you don't want to hurt anyone, but they need to understand the position you are in! Do you dad and step dad get along, if so, you could do like my husband did and have two best mans! He wanted his dad, but he and his best friend made a pact when they were like 7ish. So, we talked about it, and since I got to have a maid and matron of honor (my sister and my best friend) he had two best men.
It's not tradition, but no one really does tradtion anymore, and either way, this is about you and what you want! So do it how you want. If you want your friend, then sit your dad and step dad down and explain it to them. Good luck, and remember this is about making you and your bride happy, not everyone else!
2007-01-04 05:33:34 · answer #9 · answered by jen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go with your mate - it saves any kind of heartache for anyone involved - your mate will be chuffed and you can ask your 2 dads to get involved in different ways
One could organise the cars, one could organise the stag do
Your Dad could make the speech for your side of the family but your step dad could do a reading
2007-01-07 02:59:03 · answer #10 · answered by the cat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not just have two best men at your wedding? That is the one the thing you can make unique. It is YOUR wedding you can do anything you want, and the guys usually don't get to choose much of anything in planning.LOL But I think that would be cool. At my one sisters wedding I was the matron of honor, and my other sister was the maid of honor. If girls can have two, why can't guys? Or you could do the old, I promised my best friend that he would be the best man, if ever I got married, and make both your Dad and StepDad groomsmen. Good Luck, and Happy Wedding.
2007-01-04 05:30:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋