She told a guy at work that she wasn't going out with me, but in real life my girlfriend and I were going out for more than two years. We had a fight about it already. She told me that she liked him and thought she was flirting with him. Now, I think she's talking to him behind my back. What's really hard is that I don't know if she's lying or not. She asks for my forgiveness and stuff, but she is still "friends" with him on facebook and still has his sn on AIM. I don't care about it before because they work with each other but she told him that me and her aren't going out. I love her with all my heart and I really can't let her go. We been through a lot of good and bad times, but is she changing? She have done this before with another guy. One thing, she gets mad at me when I get mad about the situation. What's up with that? I need some advice, info, anything!! Tell me what's on your mind... please have a lot of people to comment this so I can take a right course of action.
2007-01-04 05:06:55 · 24 answers · asked by Sir Guitarist 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Okay more details... I gave her flowers, kisses, hugs, telling her that I love her and stuff... whenever the guy comes into the conversation (about what's going on) she gets mad and threatens to leave me and never talk to me again... she told me that she hates it when someone is mad at her especially at work. I've done everything to get her totally (completely) on my side. But I don't know what to do... I want to keep this relationship because she a great person who helps me when i'm in need... now I'm thinking that college is getting in the way and she's getting sick of me... I truly love her so much... it's going to hurt me... Whenever I get hurt she gets mad at me for being "dopey" or whatever.
2007-01-04 05:24:03 · update #1
omg i feel srry for you but you need to talk to her seriously, not like you're mad just sit her down and talk to her like an adult and maybe tell her about your future plans with eachother and remind her of how much you love her and how there is no one else in the world that can loe her like you and then you have to remind her about the past and all the memorable sweet moments you had with eachother...after all of this you kiss her tenderly and tell her that you gave her your heart a long time ago and your sure she promised not to break it and that your leaving this endless love and this wonderful relationship in her hands and if she wants to let that all go for a guy that doesn't mean a quarter of what you are....or you can give her flowers remind her of how much you love her with small notes meaningful thoughts and suprise kisses....etc....good luck!
2007-01-04 05:18:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be upset.... especially since this is not the first time. Her getting mad when you discuss it is a classic tactic of turning things around when one is guilty! And look! She gets the security of a boyfriend while still looking around instead of working on your relationship.
So heres what you do.... bottom line. Your relationship is already screwed as without trust you can not move forward. You can talk, fight or whatever until you are blue in the face and get nowhere until she decides she needs to put in the effort. You going to wait until she breaks up with you because she doesn't want to deal with it! No....... tell her you are disapointed, if that what she wants well so be it. Even if she is doing nothing exactly wrong your relationship is done by her refusal to make you feel better about it. Say I am not sure this is going to work out and leave it at that. Walk out. Nothing pisses people off more than someone who just bottom lines things. Then they have to start thinking what is important and the burden will be upon her to fix things. Been there..... done that and all was well in the end. Sometime people need a jolt of reality. And if it doesn't work out you will be free to find someone who appreciates you.
2007-01-04 13:33:17 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The longer you tolerate her playing around, the worse it will get. The guy she works with isn't the problem, your girlfriend is. If she is to be in a relationship with you and lying and saying she isn't she was trying to play him also. If it was not with him, it will be with somebody else.
I know this is not what you want to hear, but she is obviously just hanging on to you until she finds someone else and when she does, she is still likely to string you along because she wants to keep you as a back-up to run to when things don't work out.
The reason she gets mad when you confront her and get mad is own guilt, combined with her anger at not having things go the way she wants them to and being able to have you committed to her with her really being committed to you. If you choose to tolerate the situation, you are likely to become even more snoopy and suspcious because she has already proven that you can't trust her, yet you keep forgiving her because you don't want to let go. What usually ends up happening is you will try to cling harder which will only drive her further and further away.
The best course of action, as she is obviously not ready to be committed to you any more is to acknowledge it and tell her that you think it is best that you both see other people right now and actually go out and start seeing other girls.
2007-01-04 13:21:01 · answer #3 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me give it to you from a female perspective. If I were to tell a guy that I wasn't seeing anyone when in reality I really was that can only mean that I'm not completely happy in my current relationship and I'm trolling for something else that might make me happy. In my early twenties I dated a man, lived with him even, for 7 years. For the last year I noticed that I was starting to flurt with other guys. This was unfair to my current mate but in my early twenties the psychological maturity level is not always fully developed yet. I ended that long term relationship for another that I thought was better. Big mistake. Don't settle. You may think right now that your world revolves around her, I thought mine did in the beginning, but people change, especially in their twenties even low thirties. Life experiences mold us and different things become important to you. My advice would be to let her go no matter how much she may beg to stay. She's not happy and now you're not either. Take your blinders off to realize there are so many more fish in the sea. It may be that a couple years down the road you paths meet up again. At that time you can tell if any changes have been made. Good luck.
2007-01-04 13:19:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anna Hennings 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This my sound a little harsh but it sounds like she is getting a little itchy feet in your relationship. You said she has now done this twice, why is she lying to male friends and not female, i'd be worried if my boyfriend did that (i'm female), you have every right to get mad at her, she has lied about being with you, she is meant to be proud.
A friend of mine caught his girlfriend out by texting her phone when they were in the same flat together with a different sim card saying he was that person and that his number has changed and started to ask her what she thought of him, it all got a little heated and then he know she was cheating as she replied " you know i like you, i don't just sleep with anyone".
He was texting from the bath and she had no idea.
Either way if you did that she would never find out it was you, just make sure you write properly in the texts and don't use any slang.
Good luck!
2007-01-04 13:16:23 · answer #5 · answered by JD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I will answer it this way, Jesus said if you will deny Him, He will deny you. If she is denying you are a couple or going out, she is in effect saying you are unimportant to her, are not a reason to stop her from going out with him. My advice, get ready, this girl is on her way out whether you like it or not. Prepare to be dumped when she has found one that she wants to keep instead of you, and she will, its only a matter of time. Fighting with her won't help. This requires action, you need to show her the door and move on my dear. It may hurt for alittle while, but I assure you a lifetime of hurt if you hang onto her. BTW, if you work on making yourself a better person, you will attract a more suitable mate, Get to working on improving yourself, getting more education, a new haircut, some hot new jeans, volenteering, helping others, and making loyalty a priority in your relationship with someone. If your girl isn't willing to tell this guy she is with you, you really don't have a girlfriend, you have a girl who will leave you the first chance she gets. Good luck my dear, you sound like a nice person!
2007-01-04 13:18:50 · answer #6 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello
Speak with her and ask her point blank what the situation is so that you guys can be on the same page. If she wants to be with someone else and not you be prepared for this response by trying to be calm about it; afterall if you love someone sometimes it means letting them go.
And if the response is in your favor, put as many old tactics that you and her have done to each other out of hurt and decide together as a couple not to do this any longer.
In retrospect you and her will be evolving to a depper level in your relationship.
Hope this helps
2007-01-04 13:14:45 · answer #7 · answered by dymps 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the girl you are going out with is giving you mixed signals which is really bad manners in any relationship. She is probably very confused in her feelings and blows hot and cold depending on things that have nothing to do with weather. Her mixed signals is driving you nuts. It's too bad that you love her with all your heart because she is doing a pretty good hatchet job of breaking it.
If it were me I would say, take all the time you need to figure out what the **** you want in life and when you do, let me know. If you want my forgiveness, that's fine, but I gotta go.
2007-01-04 13:19:29 · answer #8 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if she valued the relationship as much as you do she would stay away from this guy. she wants your forgiveness on what she did, but if you have the feeling that she's talking to him behind your back, she probably is. sounds to me like he's her fantasy, she may still care about you, but she also wants him. she has to make a choice, you or him. confront her head on. your suspicion about her changing might be true, and if that happens your gonna have to choose between being hurt all the time, and letting her go. hope you can work it out.
2007-01-04 13:14:02 · answer #9 · answered by ursNonlyUrs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not true to herself. You have to think about the road on down the line, and be true to yourself.
Some of the things that I have told my sweetie is...if you have second thoughts...if you don't want to be with me...if you want to be with someone else..let me know! It would hurt awful if my sweetie let me go...but, I don't want to be a side dish. Sides get soggy. If I am going to devote my heart to my sweetie...it is very important to me that we are on the same page. It is painful and unhealthy to be in a relationship where they give emotion to another--even partial (another term: emotional infidelity) (this is not including children or other family members...I mean intimates). It hurts the overall relationship. I am a one man woman...this is who I am.
Shes done this before--more than likely, she will continue to do it again. She is not being honest with you...she gets mad because you are bringing her to the carpet to face her faults. She doesn't want to be the bad guy...but she is.
I know you love her with all your heart. But, she is not being fair to you...or to herself, for that matter. I honestly think that you should end this now...since, she wont. She will only continue to lie to you and you may possibly end up breaking up on down the line. Don't marry this woman. Focus on finishing school.
2007-01-04 13:23:14 · answer #10 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋