Just wondering whether to trust my gut feeling on this one.?

Question

would be interested to know your opinions.My story in a nutshell-been with b/friend 4 yrs lived together permanently for 1 yr ie our own place, otherwise we stayed in each others places.
I moved home in July , he stayed in usa.I now work permenently in Ireland and visit him on my hols- Halloween ,Xmas so far.
He told me last Oct he would definitely move home to be with me but decided yesterday he is not sure now because work is doing well again for him in USA.He wants me to come back and live here which I think is stupid as I was and would be an illegal immigrant and therefore could not teach as I can do now back in Ireland.Should I just decide forget this - looks like it will never work or perservere and hope for the best.He says if I loved him enough I would come back- but I had to clean bloody houses when I lived here as I could get nothing else.He s and electrician doesnt want to give up his business and great lifestyle as he puts it.Personally I think liestyle at home is better

Answer 1

One of the hardest things you'll have to do in your life is to cut the ties on this one.

It's obvious to me that he believes his needs are more important than yours, when in fact both your needs are equal but you stand the chance of losing the most if you go to him.

I'm also very uncomfortable with his statement; "if you loved me enough...". That my dear is an old, old control game used only by the immature and insecure. Frankly, I don't believe he's man enough to make you happy. Loose him and find some fit lad who already has a career or at least one on the planning board and is demonstrating an effort to accomplish success. My best wishes for your own success, and God Bless the Irish!

Answer 2

I felt very undesirable for 5 months. I lay on the floor unable to capture my breath.. i replaced into purely waiting to get to the showering room and get washed.. and nonetheless I in no way wanted to supply up.. it replaced right into a undesirable 5 months and once I did take a great knife and positioned it next to me and concept .. if this is going on like now i could to boot decrease my wrists.. yet i did not unquestionably need to die.. and then I observed a various conventional practitioner he tried out diverse drugs on me and that i replaced into waiting to paintings back and do issues back...There are people who care approximately you... even we right here care all approximately you and we purely be attentive to you from Yahoo solutions.. you're able to do a lot.. a good attitude will tutor you how to a lot.. attempt and discover some distraction.. attempt to do a interest for as long as you may focus.. then you definitely won't factor approximately your dark recommendations each and every of the time and get to ask a good chum.. who will take a seat and communicate with you.. each and every now and additionally then you definitely do not would desire to speak a lot in any respect yet to be attentive to that somebody is there .. somebody who's a good chum will in no way stand in judgment and could purely attempt to motivate you... and you may desire to combat on your existence.. there remains a lot you're able to do even in the experience that your existence is particularly constrained.. once you're lifeless this is over.. now you nonetheless have a lot you're able to do.. and medical doctors somewhat at the instant are not any miracle workers however the well known technologies and pharmacy make new discoveries on a each year foundation.. so do not supply up wish.. they'd probable discover something which will make you sense a lot greater advantageous.. purely carry close on in there and interior the intervening time... do something .. and don't stay on my own.. refer to buddies... xxx

Answer 3

First of all, what are the plans for the future?
It appears that he is only thinking of the present and how to live day to day or paycheck to paycheck.
What is convenient for him is to have you around while he figures all of it out.
Four years is too long to invest in a relationship that might not go anywhere.
Depends on whether you are up for another 4 more years, you can hang around, but then again, you might be better off with another guy.

Answer 4

I'd stay home. In the USA, electricians aren't exactly considered super successful. My cousin's an electrician and I make more money in a day than he makes in two weeks. If you want a Yank, there's bigger fish in the sea. We're nuts for those accents over here!!

Answer 5

If you loved him enough? If he loved you, and assuming he is a US citizen, he would not want to put you in this situation, when there is an obvious alternative, that he could marry you and bring you over as a fiancee/spouse.

I think he wants his cake and eat it, you need to make it clear to him that it's up to him to choose; after all, from what you've said, it is him who's changed plans, and you he wants to be illegal.

I think that might be close to your gut instinct too, from the way you've put the question. I'm sorry, but you need to make things very clear.

Good luck

Answer 6

So why doesn't he marry you and apply for you to come legally - and quickly?

"If he loved you enough" surely he would think that was better than having you break the law and live below your standards in fear of deportation.

Good luck, but you might want to consider finding someone better.

Answer 7

If you care about him, you should talk to him. If he is bent on staying in the US, ask him why. Suggest that he spend time with you in Ireland and try to persuade himn into joining you. If he still doesn't, maybe persuing a degree at one of the universities in the US and getting a high paying job may help. Or, just ask for more time.

Answer 8

Any guy that starts saying if you love me you would do this or that is in actual fact applying conditions. What would be next if you love him it goes round in circles

Answer 9

You already answered your question. You don't need our approval or his. Seems like u have a good idea of what is going on.