I have a friend who is constantly putting me down about having a mess in my home office. What should I do?

Question

It's gotten to the point where the people I work with think I am a total slob, which I'm not, but it is really starting to bring me down.

He never fails to remind my fiancé indeed how messy our office is. This only puts tensions between us, and recently she has started sleeping in the guest bedroom because of it. She is a Virgo, so organization is to her what Jenna Jameson is to most men.

We just recently moved into a new house, and I need more time to clean up. But how do I deal with the friend? Also, is this a sign that my marriage will be doomed? Please help.

Answer 1

Shut the door on it, really. If you keep the door shut it will be out of sight out of mind. Does your friend pay rent? If not, remind them of it. It is your area not her's.

Answer 2

Doesn't sound like your friend is much of a friend if all he's doing is causing trouble. Also, he and your fiance keep mentioning the problem and bringing you down because of it, but have they offered to help you clean it? I know some people can't work with others when cleaning, but if you are not one of those people they should at least help you.

Course, having recently moved myself (into a smaller place I might add) AND working a full time job (night-shift), I have a bit of a mess at my place too. I don't like it either, but on the long list of things to do, going to work, buying food, fixing my computer, and staying sane are higher priorities than cleaning my house.

There really isn't anything I can say that has not all ready been said, but perhaps I can suggest some steps for you to take to fixing the problem?

Reversed Psycology Methods (a bit crude and might get people miffed at you, but it might help them understand the WHY behind the mess): The next time your friend mentions the mess in the office, or your finace starts to harrass you about it, stop what ever you are doing (even if it is important) and tell them to get a trash bag, rubber gloves and a dust pan. Tell them THEY are not leaving until the BOTH of you get the room cleaned to your specifications, then "casually" mention all the things that you NEED to do and how important they are to your work but you can't work on it until the room fits your standards. YOUR standards, you have to start reminding people you are not a messy person, just busy.

OR, when they start on you again hand them what ever you are working on, tell them EXACTLY how it needs to be done and when it needs to be finished, how important it is to you and your job and how angry you will be if it does not meet your standards, then start cleaning. And if they don't work on what you handed them, then don't clean and fuss at them for being lazy, unhelpful and selfish. Remind them you are bending to their will and cleaning, despite how much you have to do, and the LEAST they could do it help you out a little if you are ever going to get the place looking the way you want it to. Remember that: the way YOU want it to. You have to start reminding people you are not messy, but busy.

If don't want to be cruel about it, talk to your fiance first. Remind her of everything that is going on, that you love her and that you are doing your best. Remind her that it is just the office that is a mess, but that you are not and you just need some time. Or, be creative and make the clean-up a "date": play nice music, clean the office together, then get something nice to eat after you are finished. As for your friend, try pointing out a few of his flaws in public and see how he likes it, stop inviting him over to your place and do not let him into your office.

Good luck.

~~ Abaddon

Answer 3

Is your friend helping finance the bills under your household? If not, then he has no right to stir the pot.
If the office is only used by you, then it's no one else's problem. Shut the door.
If it is shared, then maybe you should try not to let your stuff get all over the place. Reserve an area for your partner to work in.
If the chaos* does bug but you don't have the time to bring it up to (someone else's idea of ) par, bring in one of those Home Organizer people for a day or two.
*CHAOS: Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome! LOL!!

Answer 4

It makes me wonder why the friend is talking about this. Does he think that reminding you of the mess will encourage you to clean it up? It's quite possible that he thinks he's helping you by reminding you. But he's not, is he?

I suggest that you speak to your friend privately and let him know that his comments have been hurting your feelings, and ask him to stop.

(And how about you guys don't live together until you're married...)

Answer 5

Tell your friend that his 2 cent comments is affecting your feelings and friendship. Tell him you would appreciate him keeping his comments to his self. If he doesn't accept you, warts and all then its time to kick him to the curb. You don't need negative people in your life....It can be very draining. (note: a clean office makes you feel better physically and mentally)Tell him you'll clean your office when you 're ready,....not when he thinks your ready.

Answer 6

I don't know but "constantly putting me down" is not a quality I look for in a friend...get a new friend...or if you really like the guy, tell him what an a$$hole he is being...as for the fiance, she should have thought about that when she agreed to marry you

Answer 7

If it were me, I would say something like "I know it must bother you! I bet you're SO glad you don't have to live here, huh?"

Then I'd offer to let my friend clean it, and anything else he/she felt wasn't up to par.

Answer 8

clean up your office or stop letting your friend get to you

Answer 9

Clean it.

Answer 10

move