I've been with my boyfriend for two years now and he has sexual urges that can only be described as kinky. I'm ok with almost all of them except for group stuff, which was his latest interest. we bounced the idea around for some time. During this time, he talked with an ex about it and ONE TIME, the conversation turned sexual and they fulled around while chatting online. He didn't do it again but I found out about it a couple months later. It hurt like hell but I took him back cause I love him very much and he said he was sorry.
He now says he isn't interested in group stuff, and that he has broken off all communication with that ex. It's hard to believe him and I'm afraid that this kinky urge will come back... can we still make this work? he's so sweet and fun and, for the most part, has improved my life, just by being there.
2007-01-04 04:41:56 · 13 answers · asked by blinker 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i once cheated on a friend of mine.. she really liked this guy.. they'd gone out a couple of times.. and then he started IMing me, I met up with him late one night and we fooled around. My friend found out and I felt sooo bad and appoligized and MEANT it! I don't think i'd ever cheat again.. so why would i think different of him?
Has anyone ever cheated on their partner and then stayed with them and never cheated again?
2007-01-04 05:33:52 · update #1
oh, also, he did say that he wasn't sure his wanting a group thing would stay away, but he did say at the moment he doesn't want it.. cause he hurt me so much. I told him we'd deal with it when the time came, but I just wanted him to be honest with me. Him going behind my back hurt a million times more than a silly kinky want that I'm just not into.
2007-01-04 05:44:30 · update #2
That's really up to you. Can you put it out of your head and forgive him? As for myself, I'm not sure that I could.
The marginal propensity for cheating increases with the frequency of occurance. Once you start down a road, it's hard to get off it. He's likely to continue his aberrant behavior despite his promises, which will tend to hurt you more and more. Do you love him enough to make the sacrifice? I feel for you and wish you the best of wisdom in making this decision.
2007-01-04 04:47:24 · answer #1 · answered by Fergi the Great 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1. He's not going to change.
2. The kinky urge is there. He's just not telling you about it.
3. You have some needs that he meets. Everyone is capable of that.
4. You need to move on. This relationship is all about him when he is honest with you. You are looking for someone who cares about you. This guy does not. He's just sweet and fun. See #1 above.
2007-01-04 04:50:12 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its up to u to save it. You were the one that got betrayed. hes lying if he says the urge is gone... its still there. So maybe compromise with him: watch a group porn or something (not with a group, but one that is like an orgy or something). Or do role playing. I dunno, but I suggest trying to test it and see if that urge is still there (I am almost certain it is and hes jsut hiding it so u arent scared he'll cheat again).
My thoguhts, at least it wasn't physical and was only online... but thats jsut a gateway to finding the physical people to get into it wiht. Once a cheater, almost always a cheater.
2007-01-04 04:54:38 · answer #3 · answered by Heart of Gold 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
His kinky tendancies will creep back in at some point. If you can handle that well I guess it's okay. I had a friend in a similar circumstance and she stayed with him 6 years until it just got to be too much. It's all about what is okay with you.
2007-01-04 04:48:21 · answer #4 · answered by Susan P 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you truly love your girlfriend and have a "superb" sex life with her, what do you think you could possibly gain by having sex with someone else? Sex should be an intimate expression of love, not a way of keeping score with someone. I think that if this is truly the way you feel, you should break up with your girlfriend and let her find someone worthy of her honesty and devotion - someone she won't regret having been honest with about her sexual past!
2016-03-29 07:27:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure it can work, if you make it work.. but you have to also think about other guys out there that can probably do more then what he does for you.. Like not cheat at all.. hope you make the right decision.. it sucks to get hurt again..
2007-01-04 04:48:39 · answer #6 · answered by crazgrss 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's totally up to you whether you want to save this relationship. You're going to have to talk with your BF honestly, explain your concerns, and let him know which sexual interests are deal breakers for you.
2007-01-04 04:46:22 · answer #7 · answered by KD 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can forgive him i suppose.. its not like he physically cheated.. wouldn't you rather he just got rid of those urges by chatting about them online instead of acting them out in real??
think about the alternatives before you get too upset
2007-01-04 04:46:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I could never trust someone who cheated on me. You have to decide what your limit is.
2007-01-04 04:46:16 · answer #9 · answered by Shanna J 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It can't be saved. How can you be with someone or forgive someone who betrayed you? You will never be able to have that trust again. =(
2007-01-04 04:45:14 · answer #10 · answered by Mel 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋