How should I handle agressiveness towards my 4 yr old in school - HOW TO DEAL WITH A BULLY?!?

Question

my daughter is mild & well mannered at school & her teachers love her. BUT there are bullies in her class who r pushing her & hitting her & as a result, she doesnt want 2 go 2 school often & also cries when i drop her off. Shes getting to look like a real baby, when earlier she was the one who used to "mother" everyone else, she didn't even cry on the 1st day of new school! now her personality has changed & shes getting scared of going 2 school. We've taught her that if someone hits her, she shouldn't hit back. I thought that was the right thing to teach our kids, but now, it seems people r telling us we r wrong. They say tht u should teach ur kid to hit back, so that the bully is aware that ur kid is not going to take it lying down & that will make the bully scared of trying any stunts. My worry is that if she hits someone, she may be reprimanded instead of the one who started it all, since the bullies normally never get found out! WHAT DO YOU THINK? How do I make my child bold again?

Answer 1

Sounds like you need to have a conversation with her teacher to find out what is being done in her classroom. This is something that should be dealt with by the teacher- not you. This is a classroom issue, that you need to be aware of and keep a close eye on, but that you need to allow the teacher the chance to handle. Since this child is picking on your child in school, you need to find out from the teacher what they are doing to discourage the other child. You are right to teach your child not to hit back... we are trying to teach our children that violence does not solve problems. You can also help at home by role playing some scenarios that may happen at school, and helping her rehearse some responses to say to someone who may try to bully her. "No, I was playing with that. I want it back." and telling her to go to her teacher when a person will not do what she asks. You don't want to perpetuate her as the victim or a tattletale, but you want her to know that it is ok to ask for help from her teacher if she truly needs it. Again, keep an eye on your daughter, give her tips about how to stand up for herself, and talk to the teacher about taking care of situations at school.

Answer 2

You need to bring up the situation to the teachers and principal. If it was me, I would inform the school and let them know you are not tolerating this bully behavior toward your daughter. I would tell them that you want to help in the classroom a few times and observe what is going on with your daughter. It's your right as a tax payer to enter that school classroom and see what your tax dollars are paying for. Then if I noticed anything with the children I would do the "stare down" and put the fear in them that you are watching them and they won't get away with it. I would find out the bully's name and contact their parents as well and let them know what their child is doing in school. If all else fails I would inform the school that if this is not handled fast that you have told your child that she can defend herself if need be. That way the school is on notice and if something does happen then they were warned and I would fight any reprimand your child may (or may not) get.

Answer 3

First, don't have her hit back.You'll teach her that 2 wrongs DO make a right.It takes a village ,so I suggest you have a meeting with her teacher and the principal.Tell them that you are concerned and something must be done.Don't let them deter you with words like "oh ,this is normal" or 'all kids must go thru this".That's a bunch of BS.I've been here honey.Suggest that an assembly be held teaching the kids about bullying and what to do.Teach your daughter to find someone she trusts"an adult" and tell what's going on. Bullying is NOT normal and your child shouldn't have to go thru this.Hold to your guns and demand that something be done. If the principal does nothing then go over their heads and go to the school board. Your the only one your daughter has to protect her.Never back down.Good luck.

Answer 4

Well I've had to deal with "Bully's", regarding my daughter a couple of times......... And my Best advice to you , would be too either call the school and notify them or, the police... Because sometimes these types are "Unstoppable" , until you get the law, or school officials involved, to know who's doing what, and how tired of it all you are!!! That's what I ended-up, having to do.. And the family got really small , and hopefully has stopped all of their Nonsense!!! I dont know how some people could be so mean, or allow their children to behave anyway they choose!! It's insane to me, and by golly I would never allow my kids to disrespect their Elder's or, be "Outright mean" to other children , or they would be in "Big Trouble!!" That's for sure!!! So, my suggestion to you would be to just simply take it up with the police, and atleast let them know whats up... So, that in the future if things keep up, you can just call them again, and they will already know about the situation, you know..... Good-Luck, to you & Your's!!! Better To be Safe, than Sorry later, you know...

Answer 5

take her out and either homeschool her or change schools. That happened to my daughter in 1st grade. She was a very outgoing happy child and then when the bullying started she would cry every day and beg not to go to school. I talked to the school but they would not take steps to fix it. So, I took my daughter out of school and homeschooled her the rest of the year. For the next school year I changed schools and now she is in the 4th grade and is doing just great.

Answer 6

Taking her out of school now will reinforce her present behavior.
Tell her to very loudly say ouch stop hurting me, were is the teacher anyway.